Any child psychologist will tell you that kids need authority, they crave boundaries and fall in love with adults who who keep them safe rather than keep them happy. They respond to traditions and rules.Christmas brings out the kid in all of us and let's face it, we need boundaries too at this time of year. Christmas is depressing for lots of people because as we get older the holiday gets harder. Not only are we trying to meet the expectations of those kids in our lives, but we are fighting that kid in us that knows another lousy Christmas without that model airplane or Barbie doll is facing us. We never get past those Christmas heartbreaks. Maybe that's why, as parents, we try to break the bank in order to make sure our kids are never disappointed? It's a question, not a statement.
What can we do as adults, adults who face another year without our best friend, our father, or our spouse? Do we let Christmas get harder and rebel against the beauty of the holiday or do we give ourselves boundaries and traditions? Are we zombie- walking our way through the season or are we really embracing it? Facing a Christmas without a loved one is hard. Cut yourself some slack and do something comepletely inside the norm.
After Walt died the question the kids had were about the traditions Walt had: were we as a family going to continue those traditions? It hurt a little that the kids had such little faith, after all most of Walt's traditions were in effect when I was a child so of course I didn't know any other way to get through life. We had a tradition on the Fourth of July. Then came a tradition at Thansgiving which gave us a taste of what Christmas would be like. Traditions give us not just something to look forward to, but something "normal" to look forward to. Something that puts the rest of your year into perspective and provides definite boundaries and defines who you are as a person and a family.
The greatest gift that you can give yourself is the gift of tradition. In our family on Christmas Eve we eat together, light the Christmas tree, drive around and look at lights, light a fire, and have a Coke. Does it make up for the heartbreak or the losses that we have endured during the year? No. But it gives us a respite from all the noise and all the crazy. It makes us feel safe... and like children, it is safety that all we look forward to when the world seems out of control.
Christmas, for my kids, will always be a glass bottle of Coke, so if you drive past the cemetary this week don't be suprised if there is a bottle on a grave...some habits are hard to break. Thank G-d some habits are hard to break.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Friday, December 16, 2011
Trying to Keep up With You
I only learn because I am willing to listen. I only listen because I have concluded that I need to learn. Today I have reasoned that I walk among great intellectuals who are willing to shatter my illusions and give me truth, not happiness, not complacence but real truth. Fairy tales are lovely, opinions are many, but truth found rolled in evidence is the clear winner in my life. Truth may not ever bring us joy but it will always bring us right round to peace.
Here's to anyone who has ever tossed vanity aside and said, give me peace. Here's to those who proclaim that living a lie isn't propelling them. Here's to those who take their pain in large doses today so that tomorrow they can say, "I now know the truth and can move forward."
I wish you peace.
Here's to anyone who has ever tossed vanity aside and said, give me peace. Here's to those who proclaim that living a lie isn't propelling them. Here's to those who take their pain in large doses today so that tomorrow they can say, "I now know the truth and can move forward."
I wish you peace.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tithing in a Greedy World
The church, she is a changing. Membership is down, people are angry, people are lost, and televangelists have been investigated by Congress. We have more than a few problems. The economy is not our friend. We may be meeting in living rooms or at kitchen tables and some of us deign to meet online, but there is help in meeting the needs of the world even without a home church.
How do I tithe without money?
In the scriptures we learn of blood sacrifice. Something was killed as an atonement for our sin or something was killed as a celebration for G-d's faithfulness. Villagers also brought their livestock into town to gift to the church. In this age of technology how to we offer a tithe to show our gratitude? It starts with prayerful meditation. If we aren't spending time with G-d, then we don't know what we are being called to do or give up as an offering. We need to start by sacrificing time away from the computer or TV. Our greatest tithe comes from giving of ourselves and meeting G-d. Tithing should be something quiet and sacred. It should be shrouded in a little mystery. It should be bathed in respect. If tithing isn't personal, then we have failed and offered an empty tithe.
In some cultures, after bread has been broken some of the food is set aside as an offering. After the meal the food can be taken outside and left for G-d. We are in essence feeding his creatures. We should never throw food into a trash can when a lot of us have backyards where we can feed the birds or the dogs, or just simply fertilize the ground so our crops can grow strong. You have neighbors with composting bins, they will be happy to take your left-overs. If you see someone in your neighborhood being called on by Meals on Wheels, you may already have a place to take a plate of food.
I have many friends that sew or crochet. Using materials that we already have to create a coat or blanket is a lovely and personal way to tithe. Sitting with friends at a rest home or doing physical labor around a local school or park is one way to put others needs above our own. Spending a day inside a park on a trail picking up trash is an excellent way to be in communion with G-d while doing work that meets many needs. Is recycling a way to tithe? Absolutely. How you deal with all of your "blessings" after you are finished with them says a lot about your character. Food, clothing, furniture all wind up in dumps unless you are willing to take the time to feed and clothe people who need help. There are plenty of businesses that would gladly take your "trash" and make them treasures. If you feel G-d gave you something, shouldn't you ask if he expects it to wind up in a landfill or if there is somewhere else it could go.
How do I tithe with money?
Your first course of action is to find out why you want to tithe. And if you find yourself feeling vain or flaunting your help, you are wasting every one's time. I am not talking to you. If you record your tithes so that G-d can borrow your money until Uncle Sam can pay it back, I am not speaking to you. You have an agenda that I cannot help, nor do I want to. Giving for the good of G-d because you want to, knowing that you won't miss the money is what I am talking about. G-d doesn't need to borrow your money. Technically G-d doesn't need you, but tithing is about faith and belief, and you GIVE. You just simply give expecting nothing in return. You give because you're happy, you give because you know poverty.
What are our choices if we are without a church, without a church that we financially trust, or even without that deep faith? We start in our community. We start at the schools, the day cares, the prisons, the libraries, the soup kitchens, the nursing homes. 10 dollars a week equals 520 dollars a year. That is actually a Huge drop in the bucket for many programs. Can you imagine if someone walked up too you and handed you a check for 520 dollars? A Habitat House can average about 7 thousand dollars depending on donations and help as well as location. You could help fund a house. You could provide therapeutic riding lessons for kids in need. You could provide coffee and breakfast for those people who work at voting polls. You could buy text books for a kid at community college.
Once you find your passion, and that's what it should be: passion, everything becomes a little easier. Writing a check is easy. You let G-d take the responsibility for the outcome, but when you become personally involved in your tithing, then you will find that you have a longing to reach your goals and you really learn to love the experience. You also learn about listening and you'll find G-d speaking in every corner of your community.
What I don't need to do
If you won't eat it, do not donate it to those "less fortunate". They are human beings loved by G-d. If a package is damaged, open, or out of date, you have animals that might eat it, but if you won't serve it on your table, don't serve it on G-d's.
If you won't wear it, don't give it to a sister in Christ. Dress people as if they have some respect for themselves...There are dry cleaners and shoe repair shops that make it a point to repair or clean clothing so that it can be donated.
Don't talk about it. There is a passage in the bible that talks about being alone in a closet when you pray. Matthew 6.6 I think. Being alone in G-d, with G-d, it is an intimate relationship. If we cannot respect that moment then it's all for nothing. Tithing is a way to pray, a way to communicate with the Lord. If we don't feel that connection, if we don't feel completely humble in our ability to give, then we're doing it wrong.
Don't let the world get you down. So you give a kid a coat and 3 days later you find it on the playground. It's not okay to stop giving. Things will happen. Coats will be forgotten, food will spoil. It's not your fault and G-d isn't "wasting" your money. Some of our greatest lessons in life come when we look back on what we wasted and what we threw away. We learn to be humble and greatful. Sometimes life just gets in the way...it doesn't mean that every gift that you give will be wasted. It just means that some things take time.
Treat yourself like a human being and pretty soon you'll be treating everyone like that.~Mama Shey
How do I tithe without money?
In the scriptures we learn of blood sacrifice. Something was killed as an atonement for our sin or something was killed as a celebration for G-d's faithfulness. Villagers also brought their livestock into town to gift to the church. In this age of technology how to we offer a tithe to show our gratitude? It starts with prayerful meditation. If we aren't spending time with G-d, then we don't know what we are being called to do or give up as an offering. We need to start by sacrificing time away from the computer or TV. Our greatest tithe comes from giving of ourselves and meeting G-d. Tithing should be something quiet and sacred. It should be shrouded in a little mystery. It should be bathed in respect. If tithing isn't personal, then we have failed and offered an empty tithe.
In some cultures, after bread has been broken some of the food is set aside as an offering. After the meal the food can be taken outside and left for G-d. We are in essence feeding his creatures. We should never throw food into a trash can when a lot of us have backyards where we can feed the birds or the dogs, or just simply fertilize the ground so our crops can grow strong. You have neighbors with composting bins, they will be happy to take your left-overs. If you see someone in your neighborhood being called on by Meals on Wheels, you may already have a place to take a plate of food.
I have many friends that sew or crochet. Using materials that we already have to create a coat or blanket is a lovely and personal way to tithe. Sitting with friends at a rest home or doing physical labor around a local school or park is one way to put others needs above our own. Spending a day inside a park on a trail picking up trash is an excellent way to be in communion with G-d while doing work that meets many needs. Is recycling a way to tithe? Absolutely. How you deal with all of your "blessings" after you are finished with them says a lot about your character. Food, clothing, furniture all wind up in dumps unless you are willing to take the time to feed and clothe people who need help. There are plenty of businesses that would gladly take your "trash" and make them treasures. If you feel G-d gave you something, shouldn't you ask if he expects it to wind up in a landfill or if there is somewhere else it could go.
How do I tithe with money?
Your first course of action is to find out why you want to tithe. And if you find yourself feeling vain or flaunting your help, you are wasting every one's time. I am not talking to you. If you record your tithes so that G-d can borrow your money until Uncle Sam can pay it back, I am not speaking to you. You have an agenda that I cannot help, nor do I want to. Giving for the good of G-d because you want to, knowing that you won't miss the money is what I am talking about. G-d doesn't need to borrow your money. Technically G-d doesn't need you, but tithing is about faith and belief, and you GIVE. You just simply give expecting nothing in return. You give because you're happy, you give because you know poverty.
What are our choices if we are without a church, without a church that we financially trust, or even without that deep faith? We start in our community. We start at the schools, the day cares, the prisons, the libraries, the soup kitchens, the nursing homes. 10 dollars a week equals 520 dollars a year. That is actually a Huge drop in the bucket for many programs. Can you imagine if someone walked up too you and handed you a check for 520 dollars? A Habitat House can average about 7 thousand dollars depending on donations and help as well as location. You could help fund a house. You could provide therapeutic riding lessons for kids in need. You could provide coffee and breakfast for those people who work at voting polls. You could buy text books for a kid at community college.
Once you find your passion, and that's what it should be: passion, everything becomes a little easier. Writing a check is easy. You let G-d take the responsibility for the outcome, but when you become personally involved in your tithing, then you will find that you have a longing to reach your goals and you really learn to love the experience. You also learn about listening and you'll find G-d speaking in every corner of your community.
What I don't need to do
If you won't eat it, do not donate it to those "less fortunate". They are human beings loved by G-d. If a package is damaged, open, or out of date, you have animals that might eat it, but if you won't serve it on your table, don't serve it on G-d's.
If you won't wear it, don't give it to a sister in Christ. Dress people as if they have some respect for themselves...There are dry cleaners and shoe repair shops that make it a point to repair or clean clothing so that it can be donated.
Don't talk about it. There is a passage in the bible that talks about being alone in a closet when you pray. Matthew 6.6 I think. Being alone in G-d, with G-d, it is an intimate relationship. If we cannot respect that moment then it's all for nothing. Tithing is a way to pray, a way to communicate with the Lord. If we don't feel that connection, if we don't feel completely humble in our ability to give, then we're doing it wrong.
Don't let the world get you down. So you give a kid a coat and 3 days later you find it on the playground. It's not okay to stop giving. Things will happen. Coats will be forgotten, food will spoil. It's not your fault and G-d isn't "wasting" your money. Some of our greatest lessons in life come when we look back on what we wasted and what we threw away. We learn to be humble and greatful. Sometimes life just gets in the way...it doesn't mean that every gift that you give will be wasted. It just means that some things take time.
Treat yourself like a human being and pretty soon you'll be treating everyone like that.~Mama Shey
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
So, This Guy I Dated Was Right.
As I stood at the pulpit looking at a group of people, most of whom I was lucky enough to know, it dawned on me that very few of them knew each other. That's the great thing about funerals, you are surrounded by people that share your grief. The problem is, most often they are strangers, not just to you but to each other. A funeral is a time when the truth of a person's life is exposed. Remember all those movies where the family is at a funeral and the mob shows up? Or maybe the mistress? Or a long lost child arrives to collect the inheritance? Sounds fun and slightly uncomfortable, but really, do we not judge a man by the friends he keeps?
I realized that very few of the people in the congregation the day of Walt's funeral knew each other. They may have known "of" each other, but his really close friends who seemed from my perspective to have a lot in common, didn't know one another. I found my challenge that day , and I have enjoyed testing my priorities over the past year.
My first order of business is to be your friend whether you want me or not. I WILL like you. There is nothing you can do about. I will face book bomb you, I will mail you a card, I will call you at dinnertime. I have telemarketer training. You are screwed. I am here. We are friends. Roll your eyes and get over it. I want to be your friend...but life is hard.
I want my kids to know a few things. In this world that we live in, it is hard enough to make a marriage work. Two people who live together and have the opportunities to see each other daily still cannot make time for each other. I am raising numerous kids and am grateful for a man who takes his turn with them. They go to movies, they go out to eat, they go on vacations without me. There is some bonding going on there somewhere. But somewhere between work, marriage and family I want to make time for friends. I don't want to wait until I am retired to make friends a priority.
Years ago I dated a guy who travelled extensively. He was rarely at home and commented that I was so lucky to live in the same town I grew up in. I had real connections, deep friendships, I had a community. In all honesty, he made me want to cry because I had none of that. I was young and I didn't have any of what he spoke of. He changed my way of seeing my world. Yes, I loved my job but it really was where I got my social needs met. It wasn't just a job it was my life.
As you grow older and leave high school you will be drawn back to your hometown and to the people that you grew up with. I hope that you won't see them in that same high school drama filled bright white light that you were so used to. I hope that you take time and get to know them as adults. You need friends, and I need friends. You nor I need to be one of those last minute friends that show up when things get bad and talk about all the regrets, but real friends. This means that you have to make an effort. I know someone who says, "Well, so and so never calls, so I guess they are done with me." You have to be a friend, not just be on the receiving end of friendship. This becomes harder and more apparent as you get older. Make time.
Now, for the diabolical part: I want my friends to know one another. From now on when you come home from the grocery store you will not say,"Hey, I saw Mama Shey's friend today." No, from now on you will say, "Hey! I saw MY friend at the store." How awesome. I want my friends to hang out together. I want a world where I introduce you to each other and a new friendship grows. There is no end to the friendships available at my fingertips. That game of 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon is funny...but I would prefer something along the lines of 3 degrees of Mama Shey. I know this will take hard work on my part. Being a friend is a full time job, but it's what I want and I want to set that example for my kids. In high school we are relegated to Team Nerd, or the Band Geeks, or the Cheerleaders but as we grow up we need to see that we have surrounded ourselves with people we like, why shouldn't they like each other? Why do we still categorize our friends as those I play cards with or those I go shopping with? And when someone reaches out to try and be your friend, don't judge them. Just give them a chance.
And when it comes time to congregate at my funeral, I hope you don't all fight over who gets to sit where, but more importantly, I hope nobody has to be introduced.
Great friendships can be built by someone who sees the potential in you to brighten their day. ~Mama Shey.
I realized that very few of the people in the congregation the day of Walt's funeral knew each other. They may have known "of" each other, but his really close friends who seemed from my perspective to have a lot in common, didn't know one another. I found my challenge that day , and I have enjoyed testing my priorities over the past year.
My first order of business is to be your friend whether you want me or not. I WILL like you. There is nothing you can do about. I will face book bomb you, I will mail you a card, I will call you at dinnertime. I have telemarketer training. You are screwed. I am here. We are friends. Roll your eyes and get over it. I want to be your friend...but life is hard.
I want my kids to know a few things. In this world that we live in, it is hard enough to make a marriage work. Two people who live together and have the opportunities to see each other daily still cannot make time for each other. I am raising numerous kids and am grateful for a man who takes his turn with them. They go to movies, they go out to eat, they go on vacations without me. There is some bonding going on there somewhere. But somewhere between work, marriage and family I want to make time for friends. I don't want to wait until I am retired to make friends a priority.
Years ago I dated a guy who travelled extensively. He was rarely at home and commented that I was so lucky to live in the same town I grew up in. I had real connections, deep friendships, I had a community. In all honesty, he made me want to cry because I had none of that. I was young and I didn't have any of what he spoke of. He changed my way of seeing my world. Yes, I loved my job but it really was where I got my social needs met. It wasn't just a job it was my life.
As you grow older and leave high school you will be drawn back to your hometown and to the people that you grew up with. I hope that you won't see them in that same high school drama filled bright white light that you were so used to. I hope that you take time and get to know them as adults. You need friends, and I need friends. You nor I need to be one of those last minute friends that show up when things get bad and talk about all the regrets, but real friends. This means that you have to make an effort. I know someone who says, "Well, so and so never calls, so I guess they are done with me." You have to be a friend, not just be on the receiving end of friendship. This becomes harder and more apparent as you get older. Make time.
Now, for the diabolical part: I want my friends to know one another. From now on when you come home from the grocery store you will not say,"Hey, I saw Mama Shey's friend today." No, from now on you will say, "Hey! I saw MY friend at the store." How awesome. I want my friends to hang out together. I want a world where I introduce you to each other and a new friendship grows. There is no end to the friendships available at my fingertips. That game of 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon is funny...but I would prefer something along the lines of 3 degrees of Mama Shey. I know this will take hard work on my part. Being a friend is a full time job, but it's what I want and I want to set that example for my kids. In high school we are relegated to Team Nerd, or the Band Geeks, or the Cheerleaders but as we grow up we need to see that we have surrounded ourselves with people we like, why shouldn't they like each other? Why do we still categorize our friends as those I play cards with or those I go shopping with? And when someone reaches out to try and be your friend, don't judge them. Just give them a chance.
And when it comes time to congregate at my funeral, I hope you don't all fight over who gets to sit where, but more importantly, I hope nobody has to be introduced.
Great friendships can be built by someone who sees the potential in you to brighten their day. ~Mama Shey.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Making It About the Money
We are going to make it through Christmas...and here's how.
1. Clean out a space in your closet or your spare room for a HUGE empty box.Cut the top off of the box. Wrap said empty box is colorful, happy paper.
2. Cut up your credit cards and sprinkle them like fairy dust into colorful happy box. Consider this your first Christmas present to your family.
3. Get a notebook. Write down on the first page in big bold type what year it is. Then make a list of everyone that you want to give presents to. (If this list is over 25 people, skip to #4 immediately.)
4. Inventory the adults in your life who talk about what they want for Christmas..not about what they are giving but about what they want. Pick 2 that you don't love and mark them off your Christmas list. If you are one of those adults.....give this blog to your significant other and learn your lesson.
5. Go shopping. But not for "fun" stuff. You will be going to the dollar store and buying 10 dollars worth of tape, wrapping paper, scissors, and a pen. Also buy yourself a cute little storage basket to keep these things in. You may not ever loan them out to children, especially teenagers. Ever.
6. Your goal is to put back at least 20 dollars a week for Christmas. The higher your income, the more you can put back. This starts the first week of January, no kidding. If you cannot trust yourself with cash, then go to your favorite store and start collecting gift cards. Every week. You are not giving gift cards for Christmas. What you are doing is hoarding some serious money for a rainy day when you need out of the house and need retail therapy. Except, you aren't using the credit card, and you aren't shopping for YOU. If you cannot do this, we need to talk. As in, you need to be yelled at by me.
7. Don't buy random gifts. Buy for the specific person. If you go to Target and buy the pre-wrapped gifts, then you have wasted money on gifts and you'll wind up giving those gifts to people you don't like or neighbors you never see, just to get rid of the gifts..not cool. Wasted money is not cool. You should feel guilty. Christmas gifts jump out at you throughout the year. You have to be prepared to have money and KNOW who you are buying for.
8. Buy for their hobbies. I collect stuff. Most people do. Taa-daa. Now you know what to get me. The antique store is actually the greatest place to shop for Christmas. It becomes personal. You have to put thought into it. No more lotion, no more gloves, no more cheap perfume from the drug store. This is Christmas, put some love into it. If you don't know what to get them, then you don't know them enough to share Christmas with them. (the end).
8. Create your own gift baskets for the gardener, the teacher, the artist. You can have tons of fun with retail therapy if you are shopping at Lowe's, Bed Bath or Michael's if you push yourself to get creative.
9. Your kids may want big ticket items. That's fine. You may want to give those to your kids...just make sure you aren't seeing these wishes as demands. If it's not FUN to watch them open the presents, then your whole family loses. (The same could be said for you.)
10. As soon as you bring your gifts into the house, take a few minutes. Pat yourself on the back, and wrap them!! You have everything you need: wrapping paper, tape, a big box to put the presents in, and a notebook so you know what you have bought. You are Christmas. You have a little Christmas each and every month! Unless you just saved up allll those 20 dollar bills for one gigantic shopping spree in December! Wow is all I can say! Have FUN!
Now for the hard part.
11. Make sure you stop by the local elementary school the week before Christmas and drop off a new coat. The principal will know who needs it. Stop in at the local soup kitchen and offer a gift card to a grocery store or food from your own garden. Stop by the local prison and drop off stamps, greeting cards, books and magazines. Go by the local school and give money to the principal for a field trip, there are always kids who cannot pay for field trips and the teacher usually pays out of pocket. Tell the school secretary that you want to buy a yearbook for a kid that cannot afford one. Feed the teachers breakfast one morning. There are nursing homes in your community that don't have corporate help, they may need blankets. If you don't like people, then drop off old blankets to the animal shelter or give them a cash donation to help poorer families be able to get rabies shots for their pet. And if you have the extra money, then buy real presents for a family you know who needs a Christmas hug. There are opportunities in your neighborhood. Be Santa!
So now you have shopped all year for Christmas and you have nothing else to stress over. Enjoy your Christmas bonus. Enjoy your time off. And maybe go out on Black Friday just to mock people. After all, you did get that Strawberry Shortcake Doll back in October when it was 25 percent off. HA!! You are so cool.
1. Clean out a space in your closet or your spare room for a HUGE empty box.Cut the top off of the box. Wrap said empty box is colorful, happy paper.
2. Cut up your credit cards and sprinkle them like fairy dust into colorful happy box. Consider this your first Christmas present to your family.
3. Get a notebook. Write down on the first page in big bold type what year it is. Then make a list of everyone that you want to give presents to. (If this list is over 25 people, skip to #4 immediately.)
4. Inventory the adults in your life who talk about what they want for Christmas..not about what they are giving but about what they want. Pick 2 that you don't love and mark them off your Christmas list. If you are one of those adults.....give this blog to your significant other and learn your lesson.
5. Go shopping. But not for "fun" stuff. You will be going to the dollar store and buying 10 dollars worth of tape, wrapping paper, scissors, and a pen. Also buy yourself a cute little storage basket to keep these things in. You may not ever loan them out to children, especially teenagers. Ever.
6. Your goal is to put back at least 20 dollars a week for Christmas. The higher your income, the more you can put back. This starts the first week of January, no kidding. If you cannot trust yourself with cash, then go to your favorite store and start collecting gift cards. Every week. You are not giving gift cards for Christmas. What you are doing is hoarding some serious money for a rainy day when you need out of the house and need retail therapy. Except, you aren't using the credit card, and you aren't shopping for YOU. If you cannot do this, we need to talk. As in, you need to be yelled at by me.
7. Don't buy random gifts. Buy for the specific person. If you go to Target and buy the pre-wrapped gifts, then you have wasted money on gifts and you'll wind up giving those gifts to people you don't like or neighbors you never see, just to get rid of the gifts..not cool. Wasted money is not cool. You should feel guilty. Christmas gifts jump out at you throughout the year. You have to be prepared to have money and KNOW who you are buying for.
8. Buy for their hobbies. I collect stuff. Most people do. Taa-daa. Now you know what to get me. The antique store is actually the greatest place to shop for Christmas. It becomes personal. You have to put thought into it. No more lotion, no more gloves, no more cheap perfume from the drug store. This is Christmas, put some love into it. If you don't know what to get them, then you don't know them enough to share Christmas with them. (the end).
8. Create your own gift baskets for the gardener, the teacher, the artist. You can have tons of fun with retail therapy if you are shopping at Lowe's, Bed Bath or Michael's if you push yourself to get creative.
9. Your kids may want big ticket items. That's fine. You may want to give those to your kids...just make sure you aren't seeing these wishes as demands. If it's not FUN to watch them open the presents, then your whole family loses. (The same could be said for you.)
10. As soon as you bring your gifts into the house, take a few minutes. Pat yourself on the back, and wrap them!! You have everything you need: wrapping paper, tape, a big box to put the presents in, and a notebook so you know what you have bought. You are Christmas. You have a little Christmas each and every month! Unless you just saved up allll those 20 dollar bills for one gigantic shopping spree in December! Wow is all I can say! Have FUN!
Now for the hard part.
11. Make sure you stop by the local elementary school the week before Christmas and drop off a new coat. The principal will know who needs it. Stop in at the local soup kitchen and offer a gift card to a grocery store or food from your own garden. Stop by the local prison and drop off stamps, greeting cards, books and magazines. Go by the local school and give money to the principal for a field trip, there are always kids who cannot pay for field trips and the teacher usually pays out of pocket. Tell the school secretary that you want to buy a yearbook for a kid that cannot afford one. Feed the teachers breakfast one morning. There are nursing homes in your community that don't have corporate help, they may need blankets. If you don't like people, then drop off old blankets to the animal shelter or give them a cash donation to help poorer families be able to get rabies shots for their pet. And if you have the extra money, then buy real presents for a family you know who needs a Christmas hug. There are opportunities in your neighborhood. Be Santa!
So now you have shopped all year for Christmas and you have nothing else to stress over. Enjoy your Christmas bonus. Enjoy your time off. And maybe go out on Black Friday just to mock people. After all, you did get that Strawberry Shortcake Doll back in October when it was 25 percent off. HA!! You are so cool.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Because She Needs to Hear It
While the house burned, I sat on Pastor's couch thinking that nothing would ever be okay again. His words to me were, "Do what you have to do." No anger, no excuses. Just get from here, a bad place, to "okay". Point A to point B. Sometimes we really cannot set our standards any higher than going from point A to point B. It seemed like an uphill battle. Along my way I took out some people, clung to some people, and had a few breakdowns.
A year later, I anticipated the anniversary of the house fire with dread and remorse. That week Walt died. I sat on Pastor's couch and he said, "Do what you need to do." I did. I spoke at my father's funeral, not because I was asked to, but because I needed to show people that I, my family, and Marsha were okay. We had walked from point A to point B. We ended up at a funeral home. Along the way I took out some people, clung to some people, and and had a few breakdowns. But I was there. And I had a lot of people to thank.
I returned to Pastor's couch and said, "What a great gift Walt gave me." Pastor look confused. I explained...I lived in fear of this week. I have been dreading the confusion, the anxiety, the horror that I was sure would replay in my head come the 13th of March. Walt gave me a beautiful opportunity to to forget my own troubles, my own fears, and put it behind me. How could a fire in a house compare to the fire that Walt created throughout his life. The burning embers of friends who still call and still want to speak with him. The bright shining lights that do not belong to fire trucks, but to beautiful people who sit by his headstone saying, "Man I wish you were here." I saw a different fire that week. I saw a strong fire that cannot be put out with water. I saw that I was strong, brave and "okay". The house was no longer the center of my attention, people were. My people.
I walked along 15th Street in DC each day I was there. It was my path from point A to point B. Each day I was greeted from a doorstep by an elderly man who held up his hand and said, "Hello family." His smile , his open arms. When I said, "You are a happy man." he responded with, "I'm alright. Everybody should know they alright." Then he smiled. He was homeless and he was at peace with where he was.
When you have walked through your fire, learned how to go from point A to point B, been given a second chance, you need to embrace the fact that you are "okay". We will have easy days, but on your hardest days don't you ever believe that the universe is after you, it's after all of us. Together. One day you will figure out how to live fully, completely. One day you will sit and know that you are alright, until then, do what you have to do. Take out some people, cling to some people, have a few breakdowns, but always know that there is somebody out there willing to give you a break, a reprieve from your nightmares and let you focus on your strength. When you have that opportunity, grab it and let go of a little of your pain. Replace the burnt wood with some seasoned people. Replace the water soaked clothes with some baptism in your own pool of beauty. Give yourself a chance to let go of a little anger. Walk your path and make peace with wherever you wind up. You are going to be alright.
Start walking beautiful. You are on your way to "okay" ~Mama Shey
A year later, I anticipated the anniversary of the house fire with dread and remorse. That week Walt died. I sat on Pastor's couch and he said, "Do what you need to do." I did. I spoke at my father's funeral, not because I was asked to, but because I needed to show people that I, my family, and Marsha were okay. We had walked from point A to point B. We ended up at a funeral home. Along the way I took out some people, clung to some people, and and had a few breakdowns. But I was there. And I had a lot of people to thank.
I returned to Pastor's couch and said, "What a great gift Walt gave me." Pastor look confused. I explained...I lived in fear of this week. I have been dreading the confusion, the anxiety, the horror that I was sure would replay in my head come the 13th of March. Walt gave me a beautiful opportunity to to forget my own troubles, my own fears, and put it behind me. How could a fire in a house compare to the fire that Walt created throughout his life. The burning embers of friends who still call and still want to speak with him. The bright shining lights that do not belong to fire trucks, but to beautiful people who sit by his headstone saying, "Man I wish you were here." I saw a different fire that week. I saw a strong fire that cannot be put out with water. I saw that I was strong, brave and "okay". The house was no longer the center of my attention, people were. My people.
I walked along 15th Street in DC each day I was there. It was my path from point A to point B. Each day I was greeted from a doorstep by an elderly man who held up his hand and said, "Hello family." His smile , his open arms. When I said, "You are a happy man." he responded with, "I'm alright. Everybody should know they alright." Then he smiled. He was homeless and he was at peace with where he was.
When you have walked through your fire, learned how to go from point A to point B, been given a second chance, you need to embrace the fact that you are "okay". We will have easy days, but on your hardest days don't you ever believe that the universe is after you, it's after all of us. Together. One day you will figure out how to live fully, completely. One day you will sit and know that you are alright, until then, do what you have to do. Take out some people, cling to some people, have a few breakdowns, but always know that there is somebody out there willing to give you a break, a reprieve from your nightmares and let you focus on your strength. When you have that opportunity, grab it and let go of a little of your pain. Replace the burnt wood with some seasoned people. Replace the water soaked clothes with some baptism in your own pool of beauty. Give yourself a chance to let go of a little anger. Walk your path and make peace with wherever you wind up. You are going to be alright.
Start walking beautiful. You are on your way to "okay" ~Mama Shey
Monday, October 17, 2011
Dear Lilli: Mom's Dead LOL
" I am telling you how I came to die. It took 40 years. You don't die all of a sudden."~ Rilke.
I do not care if I die the day before the ballgame: Play it.
I do not care if I die hours before opening night: Take the stage.
Your life is yours and it only belonged to me for awhile, I enjoyed every minute of you. Enjoy yourself.
Respect, in life as in death, has nothing to do with good times, grand times, or harsh times. It has to do with the everyday. My death will be just another day to most people. It should be to you also. There is no lack of respect for me if you take care of yourself. I will still be there. I will still be there in that moment when you lose your keys, break a plate in anger, are tempted to buy Jonas a pink cheer leading uniform for Christmas. I will still be there in your sarcasm and when you forget where you left Michael. Respecting me, in death, means knowing that we are okay and have always been okay in our relationship.
As you come together for whatever type of funeral you have arranged the phrases, "She was crazy.", "I thought she'd never die.", and "Do you think I was adopted?" do not need to be shared out loud. Just remember to laugh. Death, though serious, is not a depressing, lost-cause sort of state. It is as natural as smiling. As natural as child birth. It is what happens. My only real request is that you make it seem as if I died in a great and nonsensical way. I would love to be a Trivial Pursuit question. The phrase, "She spoke in an odd fashion and dressed in strange clothes" should be on the bulletin. And try to work in some Bob Marley. Maybe you can collect some cool people to play "Morning has Broken", reggae style.
When it is all over I hope you break bread together, have a good meal. Drink, talk,, laugh and eat ice cream. It's what we do. I'm still there. Cremate me. Spread my ashes in the woods beside the nature trail. Just let the physical me go. I am not a shadow in the kitchen any longer. I am not sitting beside you trying not to spill my drink while you drive, I am not in the rose bushes trying to deadhead the flowers. I am in Tika's tiny hands. I am in Jonas' cartwheels, I am in Michael's hugs, I am in Samuel's sprint, and I am in Lilli's anger.
Respect me in death by letting each other be individuals. Nobody ever has to meet any one else's expectations in this family. Be yourself and show kindness, especially to those who are most angry and most lost. And if you ever need to explain to someone why you aren't "sad enough" or pensive enough, all you need to say is, "Did you know her?"
We don't feel guilty in this family for things said or unsaid. We are a family that says shut up as much as we say I love you. We mock one another's fears, but always have room in the bed when the piano plays alone in the dark. We are honest above all else. The one thing I will always remember is Sam saying, "I like it when Lilli's angry because I know she'll protect us." In anger and fear we turn to protect each other. This is no different. Protect each other and I will still be there.
I know that you are okay. A parent gets very few years to help mold her children, I got those years and then watched. You all are okay. You all are capable of making decisions and living decent lives. The world is hard, you don't have to be. The world is fast, you don't have to be. The world is full of selfishness, you don't have to be. Be who you are. Share. Listen to music. Take time to drive for fun. Color. Create. Cook. Find a charity and stick with it. Buy blankets that make you happy. Send birthday cards. Treat people as if they are going to be somebody some day. Treat yourself like you are somebody. Hold a stranger's hand in their time of sorrow. Practice every religion until you find your truth. Baptise yourself in the water at South Mountain. Spend the extra money and stay in town. Walk, don't take the subway. Take the subway, don't take a cab. Leave the country at least once. Keep a journal. Take pictures. Collect something. Don't sleep in a house with people you don't like. Don't sleep with the TV on. Keep the refrigerator full of food you love. Money is fluid, you'll get more. Be humble in your greatest moment, be proud in your least. Don't ever be someone else's drama. Make friends then make time for them.
I don't care what you grow up to be, just be honest about who you are. See people and yourselves for what you are capable of being: the hero and the bad guy. Just don't be the victim. Allow yourself a day of grief, not a moment and not a year. Stick up for the underdog, especially when it's you. Find a mentor. Be what you wanted to be when you were little. Then change jobs and be something else. Be as many things as you can be. The library is your best friend. If you can't be good, at least be an interesting character. Cheer loudly.
Dear Lilli: Mom's dead, Lots Of Love. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.
Lillian: " As I lay me down to sleep, yes I pray, you will hold me dear. Though I'm far away I'll whisper your name into the sky. And I will wake up happy."
Michael: " Oh, I love you the most always giving up the ghost in your own private conversations. You're a sweet mystery and there's nothing in between you and the Mona Lisa."
Samuel: " Where it was dark now there's light. Where there was pain now there's joy. Where there was weakness, I found my strength. All in the eyes of a boy"
Jonas: "It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life."
Alice: "I am Rosemary's granddaughter. The spitting image of my father. And when the day is done
My mamma's still my biggest fan ."
May you not need this anytime soon...but when you do, I have left little bits of me all over your world. I will always be right here.
I do not care if I die the day before the ballgame: Play it.
I do not care if I die hours before opening night: Take the stage.
Your life is yours and it only belonged to me for awhile, I enjoyed every minute of you. Enjoy yourself.
Respect, in life as in death, has nothing to do with good times, grand times, or harsh times. It has to do with the everyday. My death will be just another day to most people. It should be to you also. There is no lack of respect for me if you take care of yourself. I will still be there. I will still be there in that moment when you lose your keys, break a plate in anger, are tempted to buy Jonas a pink cheer leading uniform for Christmas. I will still be there in your sarcasm and when you forget where you left Michael. Respecting me, in death, means knowing that we are okay and have always been okay in our relationship.
As you come together for whatever type of funeral you have arranged the phrases, "She was crazy.", "I thought she'd never die.", and "Do you think I was adopted?" do not need to be shared out loud. Just remember to laugh. Death, though serious, is not a depressing, lost-cause sort of state. It is as natural as smiling. As natural as child birth. It is what happens. My only real request is that you make it seem as if I died in a great and nonsensical way. I would love to be a Trivial Pursuit question. The phrase, "She spoke in an odd fashion and dressed in strange clothes" should be on the bulletin. And try to work in some Bob Marley. Maybe you can collect some cool people to play "Morning has Broken", reggae style.
When it is all over I hope you break bread together, have a good meal. Drink, talk,, laugh and eat ice cream. It's what we do. I'm still there. Cremate me. Spread my ashes in the woods beside the nature trail. Just let the physical me go. I am not a shadow in the kitchen any longer. I am not sitting beside you trying not to spill my drink while you drive, I am not in the rose bushes trying to deadhead the flowers. I am in Tika's tiny hands. I am in Jonas' cartwheels, I am in Michael's hugs, I am in Samuel's sprint, and I am in Lilli's anger.
Respect me in death by letting each other be individuals. Nobody ever has to meet any one else's expectations in this family. Be yourself and show kindness, especially to those who are most angry and most lost. And if you ever need to explain to someone why you aren't "sad enough" or pensive enough, all you need to say is, "Did you know her?"
We don't feel guilty in this family for things said or unsaid. We are a family that says shut up as much as we say I love you. We mock one another's fears, but always have room in the bed when the piano plays alone in the dark. We are honest above all else. The one thing I will always remember is Sam saying, "I like it when Lilli's angry because I know she'll protect us." In anger and fear we turn to protect each other. This is no different. Protect each other and I will still be there.
I know that you are okay. A parent gets very few years to help mold her children, I got those years and then watched. You all are okay. You all are capable of making decisions and living decent lives. The world is hard, you don't have to be. The world is fast, you don't have to be. The world is full of selfishness, you don't have to be. Be who you are. Share. Listen to music. Take time to drive for fun. Color. Create. Cook. Find a charity and stick with it. Buy blankets that make you happy. Send birthday cards. Treat people as if they are going to be somebody some day. Treat yourself like you are somebody. Hold a stranger's hand in their time of sorrow. Practice every religion until you find your truth. Baptise yourself in the water at South Mountain. Spend the extra money and stay in town. Walk, don't take the subway. Take the subway, don't take a cab. Leave the country at least once. Keep a journal. Take pictures. Collect something. Don't sleep in a house with people you don't like. Don't sleep with the TV on. Keep the refrigerator full of food you love. Money is fluid, you'll get more. Be humble in your greatest moment, be proud in your least. Don't ever be someone else's drama. Make friends then make time for them.
I don't care what you grow up to be, just be honest about who you are. See people and yourselves for what you are capable of being: the hero and the bad guy. Just don't be the victim. Allow yourself a day of grief, not a moment and not a year. Stick up for the underdog, especially when it's you. Find a mentor. Be what you wanted to be when you were little. Then change jobs and be something else. Be as many things as you can be. The library is your best friend. If you can't be good, at least be an interesting character. Cheer loudly.
Dear Lilli: Mom's dead, Lots Of Love. You were the best thing that ever happened to me.
Lillian: " As I lay me down to sleep, yes I pray, you will hold me dear. Though I'm far away I'll whisper your name into the sky. And I will wake up happy."
Michael: " Oh, I love you the most always giving up the ghost in your own private conversations. You're a sweet mystery and there's nothing in between you and the Mona Lisa."
Samuel: " Where it was dark now there's light. Where there was pain now there's joy. Where there was weakness, I found my strength. All in the eyes of a boy"
Jonas: "It's not a question, but a lesson learned in time. It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life."
Alice: "I am Rosemary's granddaughter. The spitting image of my father. And when the day is done
My mamma's still my biggest fan ."
May you not need this anytime soon...but when you do, I have left little bits of me all over your world. I will always be right here.
Monday, October 3, 2011
This Space Reserved for Tolerance
Lilli: So, today at school one of the cheerleaders walked into our class and started screaming at his ex-boyfriend. The teacher actually had to call for security because he wouldn't calm down.
Me: I hope one of you people got that on video.
Lilli: Uhhhm, no.
Me: I can't believe nobody at your school is in the closet. What is that like? Not to have to hide anything?
Lilli: We don't have closets at our school, unless you're talking about the janitor. Nobody wants to hide out with him.
Me: I hope one of you people got that on video.
Lilli: Uhhhm, no.
Me: I can't believe nobody at your school is in the closet. What is that like? Not to have to hide anything?
Lilli: We don't have closets at our school, unless you're talking about the janitor. Nobody wants to hide out with him.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
At the Corner of I-40 and "Please Wear a Condom"
Right now in my daughter's 3rd period class there are 18 kids. All are under the age of 18. Three of these kids have babies or are pregnant. This does not include any girl who had a miscarriage or an abortion. Can you fathom the statistics I am speaking of? As a breeder, let me say this.
Dear heterosexuals: How about we work out our own problems before we start pointing fingers. We have failed as parents, Christian or not. We have failed at raising children that respect their bodies. We have failed at protecting our children against, not just pregnancy, but STDs of all sorts and sexual abuse. We have raised men and women who have all sorts of sexual dysfunction, not because of biology, but because of the mental games we have played with their heads about when sex is wrong and when it's really really wrong. I think that it is odd that we teach our children about brushing their teeth and gum disease, but bodily functions are taboo. Sex is about your soul. It is not just about pleasuring the body, it is a relationship with your soul. Sex and love should go hand in hand, but what if it doesn't?
What if our daughters are at the mall and get pulled into a car? What if they are raped? What will we teach our daughters about their bodies? What will we teach our daughters about STDs? Will we make them feel dirty? Will we find a way to tell them that their jeans were too tight or their hair smelled too good? Will we belittle them for something they have no control over? Will we tell them not to marry because they are dirty? What if the government stepped in and called them dirty and told them they could never marry or have children? What if the government called them a minority? What if the government stripped them of their personality and pain and called them a statistic?
What happens when we become the statistic? What happens when white middle class Christian Americans are the minority..oh, wait. Welcome. Are you new here? Because if you do not stand up for the oppressed, no one will stand up for you. ( better write that down and put it in your pocket for later or else my high pitched cackling may confuse you)
What we don't need is more rules and more governmental control over the policing of our bodies and how often we have sex. What we are in dire need of is some education that comes with a little empathy and a lot of heart. What we are in dire need of is a little reasoning that comes from the study of the human brain, i.e. genetics. What we are in need of is to explain to our children why we react lustfully to some people and not others and why true love isn't really based on lust, but respect.
When the government backs a plan to promote drug free and disease free heterosexual marriage and allows an amendment to the constitution that states that no party shall be allowed to enter into the marriage contract without proving that they can live, without being sustained by governmental monies, for no less than 2 years without bringing an offspring into the world, then I shall, as a heterosexual breeder, listen to the governments charge to the gays that they are not "good" enough to marry. When the government backs a plan that states that no male or female having committed 3 felonies or no male or female having been convicted of child abuse, sexual or otherwise, may marry or be allowed to reproduce, then I may consider the NC governments stand on gay marriage. Until the NC legislature can provide a safe haven for women by stating that no one ever convicted of domestic violence may marry then I really don't need to hear anything from said legislature. Crimes against nature are not solely limited to anal sex, in my opinion. Crimes against nature involve any type of sexual deviance that makes one partner feel as if they are being manipulated, enslaved or victimized. If the government cannot control the population of breeders that it openly endorses, then I fear no sort of legislation will force the gays into submission. (insert smiley face).
I don't need or want the government in my bedroom. (I actually don't want them on my property or in my car. I don't- especially- want them monitoring what music I listen to.) And if I don't want them in mine, then I probably should learn to help you keep the government out of yours too. It's not just about loving your neighbor anymore. We are on the edge of a precipice where WE are the neighbors that nobody wants.
You have no idea what your child will grow up to be. What if your child grows up to be the minority? Show your children right now that they are worth more to you than a statistic. Fight for what they COULD be, not what you hope and pray and believe they will be. ~Mama Shey
Dear heterosexuals: How about we work out our own problems before we start pointing fingers. We have failed as parents, Christian or not. We have failed at raising children that respect their bodies. We have failed at protecting our children against, not just pregnancy, but STDs of all sorts and sexual abuse. We have raised men and women who have all sorts of sexual dysfunction, not because of biology, but because of the mental games we have played with their heads about when sex is wrong and when it's really really wrong. I think that it is odd that we teach our children about brushing their teeth and gum disease, but bodily functions are taboo. Sex is about your soul. It is not just about pleasuring the body, it is a relationship with your soul. Sex and love should go hand in hand, but what if it doesn't?
What if our daughters are at the mall and get pulled into a car? What if they are raped? What will we teach our daughters about their bodies? What will we teach our daughters about STDs? Will we make them feel dirty? Will we find a way to tell them that their jeans were too tight or their hair smelled too good? Will we belittle them for something they have no control over? Will we tell them not to marry because they are dirty? What if the government stepped in and called them dirty and told them they could never marry or have children? What if the government called them a minority? What if the government stripped them of their personality and pain and called them a statistic?
What happens when we become the statistic? What happens when white middle class Christian Americans are the minority..oh, wait. Welcome. Are you new here? Because if you do not stand up for the oppressed, no one will stand up for you. ( better write that down and put it in your pocket for later or else my high pitched cackling may confuse you)
What we don't need is more rules and more governmental control over the policing of our bodies and how often we have sex. What we are in dire need of is some education that comes with a little empathy and a lot of heart. What we are in dire need of is a little reasoning that comes from the study of the human brain, i.e. genetics. What we are in need of is to explain to our children why we react lustfully to some people and not others and why true love isn't really based on lust, but respect.
When the government backs a plan to promote drug free and disease free heterosexual marriage and allows an amendment to the constitution that states that no party shall be allowed to enter into the marriage contract without proving that they can live, without being sustained by governmental monies, for no less than 2 years without bringing an offspring into the world, then I shall, as a heterosexual breeder, listen to the governments charge to the gays that they are not "good" enough to marry. When the government backs a plan that states that no male or female having committed 3 felonies or no male or female having been convicted of child abuse, sexual or otherwise, may marry or be allowed to reproduce, then I may consider the NC governments stand on gay marriage. Until the NC legislature can provide a safe haven for women by stating that no one ever convicted of domestic violence may marry then I really don't need to hear anything from said legislature. Crimes against nature are not solely limited to anal sex, in my opinion. Crimes against nature involve any type of sexual deviance that makes one partner feel as if they are being manipulated, enslaved or victimized. If the government cannot control the population of breeders that it openly endorses, then I fear no sort of legislation will force the gays into submission. (insert smiley face).
I don't need or want the government in my bedroom. (I actually don't want them on my property or in my car. I don't- especially- want them monitoring what music I listen to.) And if I don't want them in mine, then I probably should learn to help you keep the government out of yours too. It's not just about loving your neighbor anymore. We are on the edge of a precipice where WE are the neighbors that nobody wants.
You have no idea what your child will grow up to be. What if your child grows up to be the minority? Show your children right now that they are worth more to you than a statistic. Fight for what they COULD be, not what you hope and pray and believe they will be. ~Mama Shey
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Love Me, Love My Eating Disorder
During the last week of Walt's life, I was visited by a very special person. Someone I love but never get to see. I spent a lot of time sitting in the car with her. If you know me then you have probably sat in a car with me and talked. A car is better than any therapist office. So me and my lovely friend talked.....about food. Death makes you deal with things. Sometimes it makes you talk about weird things. Sometimes it makes you face things. During this week food was not on my mind so maybe that is why it was so easy to talk with her. Anyway, I spoke with her again last night. After almost an hour of "talk", we finally got into the food conversation again. I am so glad that I have her. I am so glad that she understands. It may be a familial disorder that we deal with, but that fact that I can tell her my deepest food secrets is a big deal. I think maybe it's time that I come clean.
I am not a foodie. I would rather watch Man V. Food than Paula Deen. I don't want to watch you cook, I want to watch you eat. And don't try to sell me on expensive or fancy. I want quantity...or at least I did.
Growing up I was an only child and there was not a worry about going hungry, but I was very attached to food. It was my best friend in so many ways. As I got older and moved into my own places I began to hide food. I began to deny knowing the existence of said cheesecake that we just bought. I also would drive home from work plotting my every minute: Off work at 2.00 means Bojangles at 2.20, means home at 2.35, means eating alone until I have to pick up kids at 2.50. Oh, and Bojangles consisted of 2 adult meals. I despised getting caught, and I despised having to share. At some point I realized that if you arrived at the Buffet at 10.00 a.m. then you could have a late breakfast, watch the workers change over to lunch, then get the really good food.
I am not at all obsessed with food today. I changed at some point. Perhaps I became happy with my curvy body, perhaps I became happy sustaining myself. Perhaps I just found a comfort zone in something else. Maybe it was just being able to talk to someone else about how guilty I feel all the time about something as simple as food. I don't know. What I do know is that food still makes me somewhat happy. Laughing at it and about it makes me incredibly happy.
I am glad to have come from a family of big eaters and big talkers. And no, there isn't a plate in front of me right now, because I came from a family who would never make a plate of hot food wait just so we could finish a sentence.
~ Love who you are and what made you, you. Love even the dysfunction and the disorder, because without those we would have no beauty, no individuality, and no secrets to share in locked cars. ~Mama Shey.
I am not a foodie. I would rather watch Man V. Food than Paula Deen. I don't want to watch you cook, I want to watch you eat. And don't try to sell me on expensive or fancy. I want quantity...or at least I did.
Growing up I was an only child and there was not a worry about going hungry, but I was very attached to food. It was my best friend in so many ways. As I got older and moved into my own places I began to hide food. I began to deny knowing the existence of said cheesecake that we just bought. I also would drive home from work plotting my every minute: Off work at 2.00 means Bojangles at 2.20, means home at 2.35, means eating alone until I have to pick up kids at 2.50. Oh, and Bojangles consisted of 2 adult meals. I despised getting caught, and I despised having to share. At some point I realized that if you arrived at the Buffet at 10.00 a.m. then you could have a late breakfast, watch the workers change over to lunch, then get the really good food.
I am not at all obsessed with food today. I changed at some point. Perhaps I became happy with my curvy body, perhaps I became happy sustaining myself. Perhaps I just found a comfort zone in something else. Maybe it was just being able to talk to someone else about how guilty I feel all the time about something as simple as food. I don't know. What I do know is that food still makes me somewhat happy. Laughing at it and about it makes me incredibly happy.
I am glad to have come from a family of big eaters and big talkers. And no, there isn't a plate in front of me right now, because I came from a family who would never make a plate of hot food wait just so we could finish a sentence.
~ Love who you are and what made you, you. Love even the dysfunction and the disorder, because without those we would have no beauty, no individuality, and no secrets to share in locked cars. ~Mama Shey.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
I can probably fix your computer too.
So, Jonas is sick. Sick, like, I have a headache and need to throw up sick. I am overwhelmed. But not in a bad way. I am the only thing close to an adult in the house tonight and although that has its privileges (Paul Bettany movie marathon til 3.00a.m.) I have no one to blame when the house gets too hot, or the dogs bark, or the kids get sick. I like scapegoats. I do not have one right now. If anyone is available, please leave me your number.
I also would like some tea, but I refuse to touch ice. Ice freaks me out.
So the boys left for Atlanta on Thursday morning and so far I have been managing. everybody wants to know what is in Atlanta that some of us go to each year. It is Dragoncon. Sci-Fi crazy, let's dress up like stormtroopers and get everything we owned signed by Tom Felton: Dragoncon.
The kids went to school on Thursday and I remembered to pick them up: Point for Mama Shey. I fed them...see I am on a roll! On Thursday night we were honored to be invited to the Newton Playhouse to see The Wizard of Oz. If you live in or around Newton and you don't go see this....why?
I made it through Friday, although I realized I really wasn't doing too much. I did visit with my aunt and uncle and then I went and bothered my Yoda for a few hours. We tried to play board games, but we talk waaaay too much to ever finish anything. We could never work together. She is super smart and I like to hear her talk. She is also very patient and shops at the Mexican bakery. I might love her.
On Saturday...I guess that's today, I took the kids to the bowling alley. I do not know why my children bowl. I find the bowling alley only slightly less germ infested than the roller skating rink. Nerds bowl. Are we really that family? I signed everyone up for bowling except our fearless nerd leader who is a band geek and has his calender filled for the next two months. The baby is even bowling. (Do cheerleaders bowl?)
So, Labert answered the phone today with a resounding:" Wait, can I call you back? I'm talking to Wil Wheaton." AS IF! My only reply was, "No, I would like to hear the sound of his voice." The next word I heard was "Hey!" .......Maybe I can make this nerd fest of a marriage work after all.
I also would like some tea, but I refuse to touch ice. Ice freaks me out.
So the boys left for Atlanta on Thursday morning and so far I have been managing. everybody wants to know what is in Atlanta that some of us go to each year. It is Dragoncon. Sci-Fi crazy, let's dress up like stormtroopers and get everything we owned signed by Tom Felton: Dragoncon.
The kids went to school on Thursday and I remembered to pick them up: Point for Mama Shey. I fed them...see I am on a roll! On Thursday night we were honored to be invited to the Newton Playhouse to see The Wizard of Oz. If you live in or around Newton and you don't go see this....why?
I made it through Friday, although I realized I really wasn't doing too much. I did visit with my aunt and uncle and then I went and bothered my Yoda for a few hours. We tried to play board games, but we talk waaaay too much to ever finish anything. We could never work together. She is super smart and I like to hear her talk. She is also very patient and shops at the Mexican bakery. I might love her.
On Saturday...I guess that's today, I took the kids to the bowling alley. I do not know why my children bowl. I find the bowling alley only slightly less germ infested than the roller skating rink. Nerds bowl. Are we really that family? I signed everyone up for bowling except our fearless nerd leader who is a band geek and has his calender filled for the next two months. The baby is even bowling. (Do cheerleaders bowl?)
So, Labert answered the phone today with a resounding:" Wait, can I call you back? I'm talking to Wil Wheaton." AS IF! My only reply was, "No, I would like to hear the sound of his voice." The next word I heard was "Hey!" .......Maybe I can make this nerd fest of a marriage work after all.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
dear 40: shut.up
40 is harsh. When you're 40 sometimes your back hurts. Sometimes your back hurts because you fall down stairs. You fell down those stairs wearing shoes made for 17 year olds. Sometimes you are a parent of a 17 year old. 40 is harsh because it's hard to lose that "baby weight" that you gained from that 17 year old. And then somebody is like, "Oh are you pregnant?" No, angry bitter white girl, I am not...but I can tell you're pushing 40 because you have angry and bitter written on your forehead. Oh, and your shoes are out of your league. 40 is harsh because we as women understand our bodies now...finally...only to be told that we will lose them sometime in the next 10 years to something called men-a-pause. This will be a turning point in our lives. This is when we finally know we don't want to get remarried. 40 is harsh because we're not 20 and we're not dead. How awkward. 40 is harsh because we now realize that size "medium" is a nice way of saying "Please try again". 40 is harsh because our hair begins to turn an odd color of blond, and people, like those 17 years olds, get really rude about it. I am stunning in my new hair color. So stunning that I bought a new pair of silver heels to match it.
So my advice to myself in the few short years I have left before I turn that magical number is: From here on add 7 years to your age...they will be in awe. (and quit buying mediums).
So my advice to myself in the few short years I have left before I turn that magical number is: From here on add 7 years to your age...they will be in awe. (and quit buying mediums).
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
I read a book once
There is a whole conversation here that I have been longing to have. There's so much on my mind. Isn't it strange that the middle/lower classes are now the ones on the verge of revolt? We usually are quite content to have some minority that is being bullied and scapegoated, and we "get by". We are blessed...we always have been. Didn't matter if it was England or Australia or America, to be (especially white and ) working was a true "blessing" (hate that word). But this revolution isn't even about money or power...it's about knowledge. The middle/lower class is now More educated than anyone in power. And we aren't just fighting for "us". This isn't about color or station anymore. This fight is being picked up by pastors, lawyers, teachers, stay at home moms, artists, athletes. We fight for all who need books, education, identity. It is such an odd place to be, this cliff edge that we stand on...and the only solution is to keep feeding our youth the truth of the struggle. Not the truth of money or politics, but the human struggle. This is such an odd time in history I wonder what it will be called. We've had a great awakening, a renaissance, a dark age...but this is bleak. What we are surrounded with is so bleak. We are on the edge of the greatest knowledge and fighting such an ignorant opponent. And we never know who the enemy is. He could be any color, any religion.....Some days I just get so angry at the ignorance. And there is so much more my brain wants to know. What is it in the Matrix..the blue pill? Have I taken too many?
I long for someone to wrestle this with me and help me understand...what has happened and where did we go wrong. I think it's all those years of feeling safe that did us in. Without education we are nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. What separates us from those that don't read, don't research...? What is the defining innate thing that makes us WANT to know? And why can we not teach others that deep nagging want is what salvages our soul at the end of the day? Knowledge has to be wanted, to be craved. People who quote "facts" but never research the truth should never ever be trusted...so why do they run the country? Why do they run the world? Where are the Plaits, the Tysons, the Sagans? Why do we not look to the sages to get the answers?
It doesn't matter how many books you have in your home. Unless you've opened one you are no smarter than anyone else ~Mama Shey.
I long for someone to wrestle this with me and help me understand...what has happened and where did we go wrong. I think it's all those years of feeling safe that did us in. Without education we are nowhere. Absolutely nowhere. What separates us from those that don't read, don't research...? What is the defining innate thing that makes us WANT to know? And why can we not teach others that deep nagging want is what salvages our soul at the end of the day? Knowledge has to be wanted, to be craved. People who quote "facts" but never research the truth should never ever be trusted...so why do they run the country? Why do they run the world? Where are the Plaits, the Tysons, the Sagans? Why do we not look to the sages to get the answers?
It doesn't matter how many books you have in your home. Unless you've opened one you are no smarter than anyone else ~Mama Shey.
Monday, August 8, 2011
week 7. trust me.
This week my 2 nephews came to visit. They arrived on Sunday. My actual children had arrived home the day before so I got to spend a night with everybody in the house after a long week of silence. Beeker had asked months ago if I could keep the boys while did training and had a temporary duty assignment...little did I now that she was actually participating in something that eerily resembled the Army Olympics. I ask you, is there anything she can't do?
The boys woke up on Monday to a typical summer day with Aunt Sherry. I swear, no matter how often I hear that phrase I am completely taken aback. I grew up an only child and never calculated being anybodies Aunt into my life equation. I know I laughed out loud numerous times when they called my name. It is such a pleasure and gift to be an Aunt.
The boys got to watch all the good Aunt Sherry educational videos. They were good sports. The question "Why does Aunt Sherry want to marry Neil Degrasse Tyson" was never completely answered to their satisfaction however. We watched Nova Science How Smart are Animals and Nova's Pluto Files. Fabulous is all I can say. Creamy good chewy fabulous. They also watched a show I could never get behind: Mythbusters, but it was about ninjas, so, it had to be cool.
On Monday we all went to see the Smurf movie. Even Tika Rae. We were sitting in the theatre and she says, "It is very dark in here." I was shocked at my ignorance:baby had never been to a movie before. I had not briefed her on what was to come. I explained that that big screen was a TV screen and that the movie would be up there (she thought we were just there to eat popcorn..?) Her reply was "Whoa!" For the next hour I was poked in the side by the softest, tiniest elbow as she yelled,"This is the best movie ever!" And it was.
Later that night we went to the Greenway, soon to be called My Favorite Spot, and had a picnic and took a walk. On Tuesday I had to attend a funeral. I hereby declare a moratorium on death. Period. I am really tired of burying friends, and please don't tell me it comes with age. We aren't even 40.
We met Miss Jennifer and her charges at the bowling alley and we all got to bowl a game. I was horrible, and Tika slept through it all. Soon after the question "Does Aunt Sherry walk everywhere?" replaced the Degrasse Tyson question. And the answer was yes.
We got to take part in National Night Out that Conover hosts each year. Miss Kelly came and picked up half of us and we spent a lovely evening wandering around looking at vendors and trying to figure out how much free stuff we can shove in a bag.
Michael was at Band Camp all week, so we really only got to see him at dinner time each evening. He is learning how to march and be part of the High School Band.
Friday we experienced flash floods around NC and we had some terrible thunder. We cancelled our plans for Friday and decided to just have a party. We ate ice cream and popcorn and watched the brand new-oh my gosh-such a big deal Phineas and Ferb movie!. It was so nice.
I spent Saturday doing laundry and packing the boys. We met for a family reunion at Olive Garden in Gastonia and dropped off the boys with Beeker. I am always sad to see her leave. The sadness is dispersed though with the thought that she trusts me enough to let me have her children. I am amazed at how much a part of this family I am. I am so lucky.
The boys woke up on Monday to a typical summer day with Aunt Sherry. I swear, no matter how often I hear that phrase I am completely taken aback. I grew up an only child and never calculated being anybodies Aunt into my life equation. I know I laughed out loud numerous times when they called my name. It is such a pleasure and gift to be an Aunt.
The boys got to watch all the good Aunt Sherry educational videos. They were good sports. The question "Why does Aunt Sherry want to marry Neil Degrasse Tyson" was never completely answered to their satisfaction however. We watched Nova Science How Smart are Animals and Nova's Pluto Files. Fabulous is all I can say. Creamy good chewy fabulous. They also watched a show I could never get behind: Mythbusters, but it was about ninjas, so, it had to be cool.
On Monday we all went to see the Smurf movie. Even Tika Rae. We were sitting in the theatre and she says, "It is very dark in here." I was shocked at my ignorance:baby had never been to a movie before. I had not briefed her on what was to come. I explained that that big screen was a TV screen and that the movie would be up there (she thought we were just there to eat popcorn..?) Her reply was "Whoa!" For the next hour I was poked in the side by the softest, tiniest elbow as she yelled,"This is the best movie ever!" And it was.
Later that night we went to the Greenway, soon to be called My Favorite Spot, and had a picnic and took a walk. On Tuesday I had to attend a funeral. I hereby declare a moratorium on death. Period. I am really tired of burying friends, and please don't tell me it comes with age. We aren't even 40.
We met Miss Jennifer and her charges at the bowling alley and we all got to bowl a game. I was horrible, and Tika slept through it all. Soon after the question "Does Aunt Sherry walk everywhere?" replaced the Degrasse Tyson question. And the answer was yes.
We got to take part in National Night Out that Conover hosts each year. Miss Kelly came and picked up half of us and we spent a lovely evening wandering around looking at vendors and trying to figure out how much free stuff we can shove in a bag.
Michael was at Band Camp all week, so we really only got to see him at dinner time each evening. He is learning how to march and be part of the High School Band.
Friday we experienced flash floods around NC and we had some terrible thunder. We cancelled our plans for Friday and decided to just have a party. We ate ice cream and popcorn and watched the brand new-oh my gosh-such a big deal Phineas and Ferb movie!. It was so nice.
I spent Saturday doing laundry and packing the boys. We met for a family reunion at Olive Garden in Gastonia and dropped off the boys with Beeker. I am always sad to see her leave. The sadness is dispersed though with the thought that she trusts me enough to let me have her children. I am amazed at how much a part of this family I am. I am so lucky.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
week 6 .......well, hmmm
So this week left me alone with only 3 children. It was odd. A little empty. I have full faith that the oldest two were indeed driving Mawmaw and their cousins crazy. I tried to do things this week with the three that was somewhat normal, but things they don't do often. We went to the covered bridge, the Catawba County Historical Museum, and bowling. We went to Udderly Delicious. We got pizza one night. The best part of the week was watching the three learn to play together. They usually do not pair up in this order, usually there is an older one to break up the mix, leaving me with one. This week they have been inseparable. I have been pretty impressed.
Today, the two oldest came home. They looked incredible. They have spent a week in the sun, in the ocean breeze, in the shadow of beauty and it shows. Neither was tired. They had so many stories to share. So many jokes. They have been like twins since Michael was allowed to leave the hospital. They have each been leaders, care-takers, friends. They are really not whole without each other. It is something i don't quite understand and in that there is beauty.
I was given some really bad news today to finish out my week. I was told that a friend had passed. When I was growing up. let's say..8 , a little younger a little older...Walt led a group here in the county called the Teenage Young Republicans. These were high school kids who worked for politicians as helpers, aides, recruits..kids that wanted to be involved in government. They worked hard. There were lots of meetings and lots of campaigning. My friend was a member. He was at our house often, and I spent many car rides with him as we traveled to conventions and meetings. We used to come home, teenagers in tow, and I would be so eager to watch the Muppet's. We would have pizza or something and the older kids acted like they were doing me a favor by watching the Muppet's, but really, they were singing along. They treated me so kindly, knowing how I looked up to them.
My friend grew up to have a beautiful daughter of his own, perform in a church band, and have real relationships with real people. He was funny, clever, and had obtained some real common sense over the years. He was more than level-headed. He was thoughtful and unique, and he adored his daughter...adored her.
Tonight I have so much to be thankful for. Tonight I should remember those that I love. Remember that I get such a short chance to be real and honest. At the end of the day I need to treat people as if they are taking their last breath and say what I need to say. How precious to be there as someone lays dying and know that there is nothing left to say between you two. I feel confident that he left no doubt in his daughter's mind that she was his love, his joy. I have no doubt. Tonight I am thankful that I have good people in my life that I really will miss. That I really do miss. So when I tell you I love you, please know I love you and I never want you to doubt that I thought you were so worthy, so awesome, and so very beautiful.
The quote "Well, hmm" was something Walt used to say. I would be surprised if he hadn't said it to the doctor that diagnosed his cancer. It was an expression used for overwhelming confusion or sadness. It was what he would say after he had thought about things and still had no answer. I have no answers. I just know that Walt would have have said.."We shouldn't be standing here crying today over our loss. We should be rejoicing. G-d is flinging that gate open and welcoming him home with a choir. And you people are crying over that?" Walt ...I hope you and Jim get to talk now, after all these years.
Peace my friends. ~s.
Today, the two oldest came home. They looked incredible. They have spent a week in the sun, in the ocean breeze, in the shadow of beauty and it shows. Neither was tired. They had so many stories to share. So many jokes. They have been like twins since Michael was allowed to leave the hospital. They have each been leaders, care-takers, friends. They are really not whole without each other. It is something i don't quite understand and in that there is beauty.
I was given some really bad news today to finish out my week. I was told that a friend had passed. When I was growing up. let's say..8 , a little younger a little older...Walt led a group here in the county called the Teenage Young Republicans. These were high school kids who worked for politicians as helpers, aides, recruits..kids that wanted to be involved in government. They worked hard. There were lots of meetings and lots of campaigning. My friend was a member. He was at our house often, and I spent many car rides with him as we traveled to conventions and meetings. We used to come home, teenagers in tow, and I would be so eager to watch the Muppet's. We would have pizza or something and the older kids acted like they were doing me a favor by watching the Muppet's, but really, they were singing along. They treated me so kindly, knowing how I looked up to them.
My friend grew up to have a beautiful daughter of his own, perform in a church band, and have real relationships with real people. He was funny, clever, and had obtained some real common sense over the years. He was more than level-headed. He was thoughtful and unique, and he adored his daughter...adored her.
Tonight I have so much to be thankful for. Tonight I should remember those that I love. Remember that I get such a short chance to be real and honest. At the end of the day I need to treat people as if they are taking their last breath and say what I need to say. How precious to be there as someone lays dying and know that there is nothing left to say between you two. I feel confident that he left no doubt in his daughter's mind that she was his love, his joy. I have no doubt. Tonight I am thankful that I have good people in my life that I really will miss. That I really do miss. So when I tell you I love you, please know I love you and I never want you to doubt that I thought you were so worthy, so awesome, and so very beautiful.
The quote "Well, hmm" was something Walt used to say. I would be surprised if he hadn't said it to the doctor that diagnosed his cancer. It was an expression used for overwhelming confusion or sadness. It was what he would say after he had thought about things and still had no answer. I have no answers. I just know that Walt would have have said.."We shouldn't be standing here crying today over our loss. We should be rejoicing. G-d is flinging that gate open and welcoming him home with a choir. And you people are crying over that?" Walt ...I hope you and Jim get to talk now, after all these years.
Peace my friends. ~s.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Week 5: taking chances
So, this week started off pretty well. Uncle Walter came and finished up work in the basement. It is really nice down there, just needs some TLC from me to finish it up, but you know how it is once you see the end is near you kinda start to relax...I am trying not to get too comfortable and just finish it already. The boys decided that Lil needs a dressing room, so they built her one! It is completely awesome the love that went into this project.
On Monday we sat down and started a series called Globe Trekker. It stars Ian Wright whom I might possibly love. He is the opposite of boring. The whole series is fast paced and chocked full of gorgeous scenery. We started with Chile and Easter Island. How amazing to see the color, the history, the people, the legends. We spent an hour having a good laugh and seeing really neat places.
The boys brought to my attention a yellow jacket nest in our front yard. Usually these bees are aggressive, so I was hesitant to see what was going on. I realized my yard was not going to EVER be mowed again if I didn't do something about these small monsters. Jonas is slightly allergic to their stings and I was more worried about the bees following him into the house than anything. The bigger boys and I set out with some chemicals, a can of Raid, a water hose, and a shovel. This was an all day event, not a fly by. In the end, we were fairly successful, but the bees were relentless. They do not leave until they know that the Queen is dead. I could not produce a dead Queen, all I could produce was a torn up hive. And yes, the hive although buried looks just like any other honeycombed sort of hive. I am now pretty sure I will charge you people 40 dollars to come clean out your nests.
On Wednesday Lil got to travel with her family to visit an aunt in Columbia, SC. The kids also got to go to Uncle Grady's farm and pick cantaloupes.I am always thankful to see my kids get to hang out with family. On Thursday I was lucky to see my cousin Donna. She was visiting from Arizona where she works for a mining company. Sh is about 10 years older than me and moved before I really grew up and could have anything in common with her, but she is really cool. Sh likes all the same things I like, except without the kids. She left Newton a long time ago and "found herself" as some would say. We even have the same taste in clothes! Wonder what Arizona could do for me?
I put the boys in the car one night when I just couldn't stand the smell of paint and joint compound any longer and we went to see Fast Five. Yes, thank you is all that really needs to be said here.
We rented the movie Of Gods and Men. Spoiler:It's in French with subtitles! This is a movie for people who care. For people who care about religion and people who care about people and people who care about faith and loyalty. It was such a beautiful quiet movie yet powerful, the juxtaposition of words with power and men without was so well done. One son wanted to know about the Muslim extremists and upon trying to explain Michael interrupted with ," But don't all religions have groups like that." Michael was not, for the record, asking a question. He may be brilliant. Upon that was built a conversation about Christian extremists in Norway. (If you would like to see Anders eviscerated in non-fiction, feel free to google PZ Myers' blog. PZ lays this guy out. Cold. ) It was good. It was good for the kids to learn patience to sit through a foreign film and good for them to listen to the silence that ended the film.
Today I dropped my oldest off with my Beeker. Who knew 15 meant "jet setter". I am glad for her to have such a wonderful influence in her life. After Lil was born her dad and I asked Beeker to be her godmother. Not so much fairy, just combat boots and helicopters kind of godmother. I am so thankful all my kids have Beeker. But Lil needs a strong beautiful smart woman to go to, and we have that in Beek.
Oh, I almost forgot. Lil took her first day job as a house/dog-sitter! Went well! Hope there will be more work for her. She deserves it.
On Monday we sat down and started a series called Globe Trekker. It stars Ian Wright whom I might possibly love. He is the opposite of boring. The whole series is fast paced and chocked full of gorgeous scenery. We started with Chile and Easter Island. How amazing to see the color, the history, the people, the legends. We spent an hour having a good laugh and seeing really neat places.
The boys brought to my attention a yellow jacket nest in our front yard. Usually these bees are aggressive, so I was hesitant to see what was going on. I realized my yard was not going to EVER be mowed again if I didn't do something about these small monsters. Jonas is slightly allergic to their stings and I was more worried about the bees following him into the house than anything. The bigger boys and I set out with some chemicals, a can of Raid, a water hose, and a shovel. This was an all day event, not a fly by. In the end, we were fairly successful, but the bees were relentless. They do not leave until they know that the Queen is dead. I could not produce a dead Queen, all I could produce was a torn up hive. And yes, the hive although buried looks just like any other honeycombed sort of hive. I am now pretty sure I will charge you people 40 dollars to come clean out your nests.
On Wednesday Lil got to travel with her family to visit an aunt in Columbia, SC. The kids also got to go to Uncle Grady's farm and pick cantaloupes.I am always thankful to see my kids get to hang out with family. On Thursday I was lucky to see my cousin Donna. She was visiting from Arizona where she works for a mining company. Sh is about 10 years older than me and moved before I really grew up and could have anything in common with her, but she is really cool. Sh likes all the same things I like, except without the kids. She left Newton a long time ago and "found herself" as some would say. We even have the same taste in clothes! Wonder what Arizona could do for me?
I put the boys in the car one night when I just couldn't stand the smell of paint and joint compound any longer and we went to see Fast Five. Yes, thank you is all that really needs to be said here.
We rented the movie Of Gods and Men. Spoiler:It's in French with subtitles! This is a movie for people who care. For people who care about religion and people who care about people and people who care about faith and loyalty. It was such a beautiful quiet movie yet powerful, the juxtaposition of words with power and men without was so well done. One son wanted to know about the Muslim extremists and upon trying to explain Michael interrupted with ," But don't all religions have groups like that." Michael was not, for the record, asking a question. He may be brilliant. Upon that was built a conversation about Christian extremists in Norway. (If you would like to see Anders eviscerated in non-fiction, feel free to google PZ Myers' blog. PZ lays this guy out. Cold. ) It was good. It was good for the kids to learn patience to sit through a foreign film and good for them to listen to the silence that ended the film.
Today I dropped my oldest off with my Beeker. Who knew 15 meant "jet setter". I am glad for her to have such a wonderful influence in her life. After Lil was born her dad and I asked Beeker to be her godmother. Not so much fairy, just combat boots and helicopters kind of godmother. I am so thankful all my kids have Beeker. But Lil needs a strong beautiful smart woman to go to, and we have that in Beek.
Oh, I almost forgot. Lil took her first day job as a house/dog-sitter! Went well! Hope there will be more work for her. She deserves it.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
where's my id at?
I knew someone who would wake up each morning and start his day with a "get him, g-d" sort of prayer. He believed that G-d would destroy his enemies. He was ruthless in his belief that they were less than him, deserved to be ripped apart, and removed from his life. He prayed with a fierceness and a fervor sometimes leading to tears. He was a Christian soldier, a fighter. It was always,"G-d get them out of my life." "G-d teach them a lesson." They were disposable. He also liked to use the term MY G-d. As in, My G-d wouldn't let that happen, or My G-d is bigger than that, or My G-d is handling this.
Some of you know where I am going with this. If you do this or know people who do this, I need to ask you who is controlling the strings here because you have become someone else's puppet, not a clear headed, peace loving child of G-d. If you believe in Satan (and some Christians don't), then you need to ask yourself if he or it is building up your ego. You need to ask yourself why you consider yourself so precious that people need to be dealt with. I thought as Christians we were taught to deal with ourselves...look inward, look upward, and never lose the grace or the joy. But here we are asking G-d to smite someone. Not deal with OUR hearts, not help us make a path to peace or freedom, not even asking G-d to remove US from the situation, but saying, "I am fine Lord, it is them you need to move for me." Being a child of G-d doesn't mean that you tell G-d to move that mountain. It means that you ask with a peaceful and humble heart to find a way to cut through the mountain. It means you let your G-d teach you something. It means you listen to your enemies and learn why they are so hurt, angry, guilt-ridden...why do they put up obstacles in your way. I bet it has something to do with your attitude, not theirs.
I also want to object to the term "MY G-d". He is definitely not yours. You don't act like him or for him. You don't own him, he is not in your back pocket and you cannot read his mind...I think we as humans do not know his mind or can conceive of his thoughts. It is a brave person who says "My G-d did or didn't do this." I think we best start checking our egos at the door and remember he is not ours, we are his and not just some of us, but even our enemies belong to him. And maybe , just maybe, that enemy that we have been trying to convince G-d to deal with, is struggling with his own relationship with G-d and asking G-d for peace...which we dear Christians are not offering.
We need to ask ourselves each morning what we want, what we expect, and are we in it just for us. We need to take a good look at our egos and figure out who is building us up to be so hateful and bulletproof. It is not G-d. He doesn't create boxers who go out into the world each day and knock people down. He creates life. Precious life that we have no reason or excuse to judge. All are worthy, do not let our egos convince us that we are worthier...because there is no such thing in G-d's eyes. It is the least, and the least have no love for self. We need a different heart, one that is clear and open to change, one that holds no grudges and seeks no justice or revenge.
Some of you know where I am going with this. If you do this or know people who do this, I need to ask you who is controlling the strings here because you have become someone else's puppet, not a clear headed, peace loving child of G-d. If you believe in Satan (and some Christians don't), then you need to ask yourself if he or it is building up your ego. You need to ask yourself why you consider yourself so precious that people need to be dealt with. I thought as Christians we were taught to deal with ourselves...look inward, look upward, and never lose the grace or the joy. But here we are asking G-d to smite someone. Not deal with OUR hearts, not help us make a path to peace or freedom, not even asking G-d to remove US from the situation, but saying, "I am fine Lord, it is them you need to move for me." Being a child of G-d doesn't mean that you tell G-d to move that mountain. It means that you ask with a peaceful and humble heart to find a way to cut through the mountain. It means you let your G-d teach you something. It means you listen to your enemies and learn why they are so hurt, angry, guilt-ridden...why do they put up obstacles in your way. I bet it has something to do with your attitude, not theirs.
I also want to object to the term "MY G-d". He is definitely not yours. You don't act like him or for him. You don't own him, he is not in your back pocket and you cannot read his mind...I think we as humans do not know his mind or can conceive of his thoughts. It is a brave person who says "My G-d did or didn't do this." I think we best start checking our egos at the door and remember he is not ours, we are his and not just some of us, but even our enemies belong to him. And maybe , just maybe, that enemy that we have been trying to convince G-d to deal with, is struggling with his own relationship with G-d and asking G-d for peace...which we dear Christians are not offering.
We need to ask ourselves each morning what we want, what we expect, and are we in it just for us. We need to take a good look at our egos and figure out who is building us up to be so hateful and bulletproof. It is not G-d. He doesn't create boxers who go out into the world each day and knock people down. He creates life. Precious life that we have no reason or excuse to judge. All are worthy, do not let our egos convince us that we are worthier...because there is no such thing in G-d's eyes. It is the least, and the least have no love for self. We need a different heart, one that is clear and open to change, one that holds no grudges and seeks no justice or revenge.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Week 4 : We got nothing accomplished
So, while on vacation we received a phone call saying that our basement had flooded. A hose attached to the washing machine had burst and we were looking at 9 inches of water, at least. We returned home to find mold, mildew...just overall grossness. The smell was pretty bad too. Luckily Marsha has purchased a sump pump and the water was gone, but the floor was still wet and things looked bad. Considering the problems and stresses I dealt with after the fire the last thing I wanted was someone else in my house and I argued against calling an insurance adjuster. In the end, the call was made and the assessment was bad. We lost everything that touched the floor. All of my walls are now cut in half. All the furniture is gone. The tile floor was the reason that the smell was so bad. For future reference, if the glue on the bottom of floors gets wet, it smells like death. So the kids, who are used to work crews being in the house, and used to frantic trips to Lowe's, are fine. The problem is that I feel as if I have spent no Real time with them this week.
I know that in real life an education comes from problems like these; but let's face it, Mama Shey likes to teach and introduce things and ideas to the kids. This just didn't happen this week. We returned from our beach trip late Monday night. The rest of this week has been kind of a blur. Mold can do that to ya.
The funniest thing that came out of this was the kids looking for something to do, while appeasing me. It took an odd turn. Samuel found this program called Billy the Exterminator. I was not on board with this show. I assumed we were looking at some redneck who killed stuff and laughed while he huffed the chemicals...I was very wrong. Turns out it really is a show about a guy who dresses like a rock star, uses green chemicals and doesn't kill anything unless forced to. He also practically preaches to the kids not to ever touch a wild animal and not to ever consider keeping one as a pet. They are learning the differences in wasps, snakes, bugs. They get to see alligators and albino raccoons. I was not expecting this show to enlighten me about ecology. I learned.
I rented Walk the Line. The first time I saw this movie was in the theatre, and it was good. This time it was great. We had to pause the movie a few times because of questions. I loved it. I know that this isn't kid-friendly material, but it's real. The music is powerful and the kids were introduced to the crazy Jerry-Lee and a young Elvis. It was full of a lot of laughs and a lot of morals. It was also full of some very strong women.
In all it was a difficult week. Today is Sunday and I have 2 different men in the basement than I had yesterday. The part is that everyone who is helping me out is either a friend or family member. I have only been sent to the kitchen once, but Uncle Walter is pretty sure there is a position out there for me involving employers who just need somebody to come in and yell at their employees for an hour or so and leave. I'm guessing it could turn into a full time job.....
I know that in real life an education comes from problems like these; but let's face it, Mama Shey likes to teach and introduce things and ideas to the kids. This just didn't happen this week. We returned from our beach trip late Monday night. The rest of this week has been kind of a blur. Mold can do that to ya.
The funniest thing that came out of this was the kids looking for something to do, while appeasing me. It took an odd turn. Samuel found this program called Billy the Exterminator. I was not on board with this show. I assumed we were looking at some redneck who killed stuff and laughed while he huffed the chemicals...I was very wrong. Turns out it really is a show about a guy who dresses like a rock star, uses green chemicals and doesn't kill anything unless forced to. He also practically preaches to the kids not to ever touch a wild animal and not to ever consider keeping one as a pet. They are learning the differences in wasps, snakes, bugs. They get to see alligators and albino raccoons. I was not expecting this show to enlighten me about ecology. I learned.
I rented Walk the Line. The first time I saw this movie was in the theatre, and it was good. This time it was great. We had to pause the movie a few times because of questions. I loved it. I know that this isn't kid-friendly material, but it's real. The music is powerful and the kids were introduced to the crazy Jerry-Lee and a young Elvis. It was full of a lot of laughs and a lot of morals. It was also full of some very strong women.
In all it was a difficult week. Today is Sunday and I have 2 different men in the basement than I had yesterday. The part is that everyone who is helping me out is either a friend or family member. I have only been sent to the kitchen once, but Uncle Walter is pretty sure there is a position out there for me involving employers who just need somebody to come in and yell at their employees for an hour or so and leave. I'm guessing it could turn into a full time job.....
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
week 3 ..the patriotic edition
This week we jumped straight into cool with Bob Marley. The kids associated Marley with New York for some reason (thanks Jay-Z). I was able to explain a little bit about the islands and about the Rasta culture and how people and ideas have migrated to NYC. I doubt I did Marley justice. He changed people. We also looked at he Birth of Rock and Roll on Netflix. It provided us with some great music and showed the kids a little of where rock and roll came from, who introduced it to America, and the riots it started. It was not the best documentary, but the music was there, so I closed my eyes and just listened.
In art we did our own mosaics. Some kids understood better than others, but glue is always fun, right? We also viewed some of I.M. Pei's work. He was an architect, and his use of angles and lines was interesting.
We rented F is for Fake. Michael is the only one that made it through the movie. It was definitely an art house kind of movie. I found it very amusing, but you have to know or like the fakers involved to really enjoy it. The movie makes a HUGE point. How many of our beloved paintings were actually done by the artist that we attribute the work to? It was fabulous! Okay, for me, it was fabulous, not so much for anyone else.
G-d Grew Tired of Us is a film about the lost boys of Sudan. We were hooked in the first 2 minutes. It was the greatest decision I have made all summer. It was true, telling, and intimate. The love you feel and the sympathy you feel for these kids coming to the United States of technology and product placement was overwhelming. Another movie about people coming to this country was Kung Fu Monks in America. It was good. It was worth the hour. The moves, the relationships between monk, spirit, warrior was wonderful. I think we all giggled throughout the movie.
We tied the monks in with the Dalai Lama.We watched a lovely movie that told of the Great 14th. It was enlightening. I really enjoyed it, and it got the kids to talk about war and country, and the beauty of a man who truly never loses his smile and his joy.
Never Been Done was a wild card movie. It was about a young man who lost his leg and still became a great skateboarder. You don't really need to love the board to watch this movie, it really speaks of courage and love and cool. You either have it or you don't.
We were all surprised this week when Maw Maw decided to take us to see my sister. Maw Maw was gracious enough to let all of us go to the beach and visit Beeker. It was such a wonderful weekend. We got to spend the Fourth with wonderful people. We got to tour some historic sites and enjoy South Carolina. I really hope to see her again soon, but I am really thankful to have people around that appreciate family and include my kids in so much.
In art we did our own mosaics. Some kids understood better than others, but glue is always fun, right? We also viewed some of I.M. Pei's work. He was an architect, and his use of angles and lines was interesting.
We rented F is for Fake. Michael is the only one that made it through the movie. It was definitely an art house kind of movie. I found it very amusing, but you have to know or like the fakers involved to really enjoy it. The movie makes a HUGE point. How many of our beloved paintings were actually done by the artist that we attribute the work to? It was fabulous! Okay, for me, it was fabulous, not so much for anyone else.
G-d Grew Tired of Us is a film about the lost boys of Sudan. We were hooked in the first 2 minutes. It was the greatest decision I have made all summer. It was true, telling, and intimate. The love you feel and the sympathy you feel for these kids coming to the United States of technology and product placement was overwhelming. Another movie about people coming to this country was Kung Fu Monks in America. It was good. It was worth the hour. The moves, the relationships between monk, spirit, warrior was wonderful. I think we all giggled throughout the movie.
We tied the monks in with the Dalai Lama.We watched a lovely movie that told of the Great 14th. It was enlightening. I really enjoyed it, and it got the kids to talk about war and country, and the beauty of a man who truly never loses his smile and his joy.
Never Been Done was a wild card movie. It was about a young man who lost his leg and still became a great skateboarder. You don't really need to love the board to watch this movie, it really speaks of courage and love and cool. You either have it or you don't.
We were all surprised this week when Maw Maw decided to take us to see my sister. Maw Maw was gracious enough to let all of us go to the beach and visit Beeker. It was such a wonderful weekend. We got to spend the Fourth with wonderful people. We got to tour some historic sites and enjoy South Carolina. I really hope to see her again soon, but I am really thankful to have people around that appreciate family and include my kids in so much.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Do you cover their face with your own?
You've been squinting so long at the fine print, trying to find a loophole or a lie, that you've forgotten how to open your eyes and see the whole picture. ~ Mama Shey
Some people believe that one moment captures who we are - and they never let us grow out of that moment.
That's a problem.
Magritte's mother was found in the river with her dress up around her face. The questions are: how do we know it was suicide, and why did she do it? Magritte went on to paint possibly hundreds of portraits involving faceless subjects. I believe the psychology behind these images could be a fascinating study. What if we assume that Magritte was making a grand statement about individuality rather than just harboring a macabre memory of his mother.
What do we assume when we notice someone covering their face? Some of us see guilt, as if we are hiding our face from G-d. Others may see it as a means of protection. Some may see it as wanting anonymity.
What could Magritte's family have seen upon finding the mother with her face covered? Shame, mercy? What could be the point of being faceless? When you look at me do you see more than a face? If you take away my face, how do you see me, how do you find me in a sea of faceless women? Is there something about my essence that you recognize? To have your face covered can be a way of saying, "You never saw me anyway."
As with paintings, we usually only see the surface. Magritte has a wonderfully powerful painting of a man looking in his mirror, seeing the reflection of his own back. How often do we look in the mirror and see what we need to see in order to function...how often do we skew our own reality to save face? What are we hiding from?
Take the example of a friend whose pet dies. Do you project your feelings about your pet onto them? Do you find yourself saying,"Well if my Rover died, I would be heartbroken." It's not really about you or your feelings..stop projecting. Do you allow your friend to have emotions, desires, and wants that are foreign to you, or do you just assume everybody feels like you? Do you cover their face with your own? Do you take away their life and experiences thereby negating all their feelings?
Short sighted people, or people with tunnel vision never realize that behind each face is a different story, unique feelings and unique experiences. We are not cookie cut-outs that require the same attention. Take away the mouths that eat, the ears that hear, and the nose that smells, and you have a distinct personality. A true individual, full of life, color, wit, pain, secrets. Isn't it time we stopped judging people by our own life experiences and started meeting them at their own?
Reality is only what you perceive. Have you ever come upon the scene of a crime and listened to 5 different people tell 5 different stories...anger, sadness, aggression can all be confused. Joy and sadness can often be confused. We each look at things in different ways. We perceive things and compare them to our past experiences. Your reality is much different than mine.
If you have never experienced some one's life much less taken the time to hear their stories, then how can you "just know" that you're right? Take the face away and feel. Really see someone , or really see yourself for who we are. Your face is different than mine, so why do I assume you are, in any way, like me ?
Some people believe that one moment captures who we are - and they never let us grow out of that moment.
That's a problem.
Magritte's mother was found in the river with her dress up around her face. The questions are: how do we know it was suicide, and why did she do it? Magritte went on to paint possibly hundreds of portraits involving faceless subjects. I believe the psychology behind these images could be a fascinating study. What if we assume that Magritte was making a grand statement about individuality rather than just harboring a macabre memory of his mother.
What do we assume when we notice someone covering their face? Some of us see guilt, as if we are hiding our face from G-d. Others may see it as a means of protection. Some may see it as wanting anonymity.
What could Magritte's family have seen upon finding the mother with her face covered? Shame, mercy? What could be the point of being faceless? When you look at me do you see more than a face? If you take away my face, how do you see me, how do you find me in a sea of faceless women? Is there something about my essence that you recognize? To have your face covered can be a way of saying, "You never saw me anyway."
As with paintings, we usually only see the surface. Magritte has a wonderfully powerful painting of a man looking in his mirror, seeing the reflection of his own back. How often do we look in the mirror and see what we need to see in order to function...how often do we skew our own reality to save face? What are we hiding from?
Take the example of a friend whose pet dies. Do you project your feelings about your pet onto them? Do you find yourself saying,"Well if my Rover died, I would be heartbroken." It's not really about you or your feelings..stop projecting. Do you allow your friend to have emotions, desires, and wants that are foreign to you, or do you just assume everybody feels like you? Do you cover their face with your own? Do you take away their life and experiences thereby negating all their feelings?
Short sighted people, or people with tunnel vision never realize that behind each face is a different story, unique feelings and unique experiences. We are not cookie cut-outs that require the same attention. Take away the mouths that eat, the ears that hear, and the nose that smells, and you have a distinct personality. A true individual, full of life, color, wit, pain, secrets. Isn't it time we stopped judging people by our own life experiences and started meeting them at their own?
Reality is only what you perceive. Have you ever come upon the scene of a crime and listened to 5 different people tell 5 different stories...anger, sadness, aggression can all be confused. Joy and sadness can often be confused. We each look at things in different ways. We perceive things and compare them to our past experiences. Your reality is much different than mine.
If you have never experienced some one's life much less taken the time to hear their stories, then how can you "just know" that you're right? Take the face away and feel. Really see someone , or really see yourself for who we are. Your face is different than mine, so why do I assume you are, in any way, like me ?
summer vacation week 2: Paul Klee has some issues
The second week is over and once again, my real struggle was with budgeting food. It's all worked out somehow, but let's face it: Jello is not the answer to everything.
This week in music we started with Native American music. It was interesting to watch the younger kids and how their expressions changed as the music changed. Native music has a soul and a purpose. Each song means something; praise, war, healing, you can hear the lament or the fury in the music. It's nature's music and it is beautiful. We also watched a documentary on Miles Davis and heard some of his songs. Davis was a character, but what really struck us was that he seemed to form bonds with some people, deep bonds that never went away even if he did. He was a huge personality stuck inside of a tiny frame. The documentary may have helped my boys understand that women liked to be wooed with candy (at least I hope they got that part).
Our starting artist was Toulouse-Lautrec. What a big life he led! Lilli learned all about prostitution and dancing this week and used it against me often. Lautrec may have been the world's first paparazzi...or a great marketing genius. Pick. He was a great and colorful choice. We ended the week with Paul Klee. Klee left us all feeling a little creepy. His puppets were not cheering or friendly, his paintings were not cheery or friendly. The kids did pay close attention though about the math and physics involved in his work. For the most part, Klee was all over the place. His subjects were so varied, and the colors were muted or lifeless. He made his point, but I' m not sure we fell in love with him.
We also studied Zoroastrianism this week. Explaining that there are only 3 tenets, and that it is the oldest monotheistic religion gave the kids a point of reference and it really was easy for everyone to grasp. We even talked about how men get built up to be a religion's founder...was he real, who was real. We then moved onto the Baha'i. There ha been a lot of drama and propaganda surrounding this religion, but I kept it all nice for the kids. They got to see the beginnings of the religion, the persecution, see how it spread.
We watched some home movies on YouTube of people's travels to Rome and their visits to the Sistine Chapel. We didn't discuss the Chapel or the art, we just took it all in via other's stories and experiences.
We watched a beautiful movie called The Secret of Kells. It is a gorgeous animated work that tells the story of the Book of Kells. After we watched it, we looked up some of the artwork from the book.
This week the kids discovered Gilligan's Island and I introduced them to the genius that was Mitch Hedburg. I hope they continue to laugh, I love to hear their laughter.
This week in music we started with Native American music. It was interesting to watch the younger kids and how their expressions changed as the music changed. Native music has a soul and a purpose. Each song means something; praise, war, healing, you can hear the lament or the fury in the music. It's nature's music and it is beautiful. We also watched a documentary on Miles Davis and heard some of his songs. Davis was a character, but what really struck us was that he seemed to form bonds with some people, deep bonds that never went away even if he did. He was a huge personality stuck inside of a tiny frame. The documentary may have helped my boys understand that women liked to be wooed with candy (at least I hope they got that part).
Our starting artist was Toulouse-Lautrec. What a big life he led! Lilli learned all about prostitution and dancing this week and used it against me often. Lautrec may have been the world's first paparazzi...or a great marketing genius. Pick. He was a great and colorful choice. We ended the week with Paul Klee. Klee left us all feeling a little creepy. His puppets were not cheering or friendly, his paintings were not cheery or friendly. The kids did pay close attention though about the math and physics involved in his work. For the most part, Klee was all over the place. His subjects were so varied, and the colors were muted or lifeless. He made his point, but I' m not sure we fell in love with him.
We also studied Zoroastrianism this week. Explaining that there are only 3 tenets, and that it is the oldest monotheistic religion gave the kids a point of reference and it really was easy for everyone to grasp. We even talked about how men get built up to be a religion's founder...was he real, who was real. We then moved onto the Baha'i. There ha been a lot of drama and propaganda surrounding this religion, but I kept it all nice for the kids. They got to see the beginnings of the religion, the persecution, see how it spread.
We watched some home movies on YouTube of people's travels to Rome and their visits to the Sistine Chapel. We didn't discuss the Chapel or the art, we just took it all in via other's stories and experiences.
We watched a beautiful movie called The Secret of Kells. It is a gorgeous animated work that tells the story of the Book of Kells. After we watched it, we looked up some of the artwork from the book.
This week the kids discovered Gilligan's Island and I introduced them to the genius that was Mitch Hedburg. I hope they continue to laugh, I love to hear their laughter.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
The Dearness of G-d
"What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value." Thomas Paine, The American Crisis, No. 1, December 19, 1776
If we read a little more into this quote and take some liberties, we could continue on and say..."or see an America full of apathetic, spoiled elitists." I would like to apply this quote to our struggles with Christianity, and ask: Have we become apathetic, spoiled elitists when it comes to our relationship with G-d.? When I speak of G-d I would hope that you would understand that I want you to insert your G-d or your religion into the conversation. I certainly do respect your struggles with whatever religion or deity you have in your life, but I have to reference Christianity since I live in the South, and it is what I have grown up knowing. If G-d is an abstract to you, then please take this conversation for what is worth, and see my side. I would like to describe here what I want for my children in regards to their religious life.
Walt taught me to read by making me sit with him 30 minutes a night and read the Bible out loud. He did this until I was in my teens. Most nights it probably seemed like punishment to a kid, but I I developed a decent vocabulary and understood Shakespeare at 12.
If we apply the Thomas Paine quote to my life, I was most definitely handed G-d. As with my freedom as an American citizen, I believed everyone was or should be a Christian and everyone understood Christian tenants. I also believed that Christianity was the original religion and that Bible stories were "true". I had a very special relationship with that G-d. It was one in which I saw him as a father, and I talked to him as such. I was one of G-d's spoiled children. As long as I invoked the name of G-d then my parents, friends, church and community were appeased. If you believe that you are doing everything for G-d then people tend to back off. No one questions you, maybe because they respect you, or because they think you're just crazy..... Hardcore Christians have the attitude that it is better not to have friends than have the wrong friends. Basically, I didn't have enough people around me to even care why people never questioned me.
And then I met my thirties. I had returned to college and somehow fell in with the liberal intellectual professors. I was so intimidated. I sent most of my time thinking that they would find out what a phony I was and eat me alive. Horror is the only word for it. I didn't understand their conversations. They taught chemistry and environmental studies, time lines and eras. I was so confused and confounded I usually just came home and cried, but then I would read, and read...I couldn't fill myself up fast enough with the words. Then came philosophy. My mind was turned upside down. Reading Descartes's Discourse was not required reading, but I found some hope through the struggle. Philosophers were honest. They spoke of where the intangible meets the tangible. I found myself having a lot of "what if" conversations with my professors.
I spent the next year in sociology and developed a love affair with the study of cults. I also began studying ancient religions as a way to understand how Christianity developed and how cults grow. Zoroastrianism and Egyptology were the cornerstone of my education. I developed a relationship with Buddhism, a non-religion, that helped me to understand the teachings of the Christ.
Pieces of the puzzle were falling into place, but I lived with a deep anger too. I went to what I can only call "home". I sought out Sam, Tammie, and Chuck. The answers were : 1) look at the evidence. 2) pray it out, even if you have to yell it out. 3) find the intimacy in the struggle.
What I know now is that at the end of my 3 years wrestling, I felt like a butterfly. I understood freedom. I also had a beautiful outlook and a much better disposition. I emerged knowing what G-d was to me. I also emerged knowing that G-d doesn't mass produce relationships. We cannot project ourselves inside another person and assume that we know what they need from G-d or understand what part of G-d they see. To believe that you can know G-d the way I do is to believe that you will know my children the way I do. It is a spoiled elitist attitude that lets you believe that. And on the opposite side, I cannot fathom what goes on between you and the G-d you see.
For my children, I choose an education. Religion is what you learn. I want them to learn about the Mormons right alongside photosynthesis. I want them to understand what religion is and why people need it. I cannot force G-d upon them. I choose to gently show them, ask them and encourage them. I also have a habit of telling them "don't bring religion into this." Religion can ruin a lot. What I want is for them to see all sides of G-d and get to know themselves. I know they pray. They tell me they pray. I know they worship, I have seen them worship...what I do not require is for you or anyone else to watch them perform. They don't need to stand, kneel and bow in your presence to prove that they are working on their relationship with G-d. They don't need me to sprinkle their heads so I feel confident about their afterlife. You nor I judge them. They are expected to have a walk with G-d, and never to get comfortable. I don't ever want to be comfortable. I never want to assume that I can finish G-d's sentences.
Tim Gunn says "Don't over design." Well, My problem was that I let everyone's hands in to touch my spiritual walk, and I never got to see the real design. I hope that I can stay out of my kids' way while they are working on trimming the weeds, and bushwhacking the brush that will be their struggle to find G-d. And I hope that perhaps I will one day be "home" to them.
If we read a little more into this quote and take some liberties, we could continue on and say..."or see an America full of apathetic, spoiled elitists." I would like to apply this quote to our struggles with Christianity, and ask: Have we become apathetic, spoiled elitists when it comes to our relationship with G-d.? When I speak of G-d I would hope that you would understand that I want you to insert your G-d or your religion into the conversation. I certainly do respect your struggles with whatever religion or deity you have in your life, but I have to reference Christianity since I live in the South, and it is what I have grown up knowing. If G-d is an abstract to you, then please take this conversation for what is worth, and see my side. I would like to describe here what I want for my children in regards to their religious life.
Walt taught me to read by making me sit with him 30 minutes a night and read the Bible out loud. He did this until I was in my teens. Most nights it probably seemed like punishment to a kid, but I I developed a decent vocabulary and understood Shakespeare at 12.
If we apply the Thomas Paine quote to my life, I was most definitely handed G-d. As with my freedom as an American citizen, I believed everyone was or should be a Christian and everyone understood Christian tenants. I also believed that Christianity was the original religion and that Bible stories were "true". I had a very special relationship with that G-d. It was one in which I saw him as a father, and I talked to him as such. I was one of G-d's spoiled children. As long as I invoked the name of G-d then my parents, friends, church and community were appeased. If you believe that you are doing everything for G-d then people tend to back off. No one questions you, maybe because they respect you, or because they think you're just crazy..... Hardcore Christians have the attitude that it is better not to have friends than have the wrong friends. Basically, I didn't have enough people around me to even care why people never questioned me.
And then I met my thirties. I had returned to college and somehow fell in with the liberal intellectual professors. I was so intimidated. I sent most of my time thinking that they would find out what a phony I was and eat me alive. Horror is the only word for it. I didn't understand their conversations. They taught chemistry and environmental studies, time lines and eras. I was so confused and confounded I usually just came home and cried, but then I would read, and read...I couldn't fill myself up fast enough with the words. Then came philosophy. My mind was turned upside down. Reading Descartes's Discourse was not required reading, but I found some hope through the struggle. Philosophers were honest. They spoke of where the intangible meets the tangible. I found myself having a lot of "what if" conversations with my professors.
I spent the next year in sociology and developed a love affair with the study of cults. I also began studying ancient religions as a way to understand how Christianity developed and how cults grow. Zoroastrianism and Egyptology were the cornerstone of my education. I developed a relationship with Buddhism, a non-religion, that helped me to understand the teachings of the Christ.
Pieces of the puzzle were falling into place, but I lived with a deep anger too. I went to what I can only call "home". I sought out Sam, Tammie, and Chuck. The answers were : 1) look at the evidence. 2) pray it out, even if you have to yell it out. 3) find the intimacy in the struggle.
What I know now is that at the end of my 3 years wrestling, I felt like a butterfly. I understood freedom. I also had a beautiful outlook and a much better disposition. I emerged knowing what G-d was to me. I also emerged knowing that G-d doesn't mass produce relationships. We cannot project ourselves inside another person and assume that we know what they need from G-d or understand what part of G-d they see. To believe that you can know G-d the way I do is to believe that you will know my children the way I do. It is a spoiled elitist attitude that lets you believe that. And on the opposite side, I cannot fathom what goes on between you and the G-d you see.
For my children, I choose an education. Religion is what you learn. I want them to learn about the Mormons right alongside photosynthesis. I want them to understand what religion is and why people need it. I cannot force G-d upon them. I choose to gently show them, ask them and encourage them. I also have a habit of telling them "don't bring religion into this." Religion can ruin a lot. What I want is for them to see all sides of G-d and get to know themselves. I know they pray. They tell me they pray. I know they worship, I have seen them worship...what I do not require is for you or anyone else to watch them perform. They don't need to stand, kneel and bow in your presence to prove that they are working on their relationship with G-d. They don't need me to sprinkle their heads so I feel confident about their afterlife. You nor I judge them. They are expected to have a walk with G-d, and never to get comfortable. I don't ever want to be comfortable. I never want to assume that I can finish G-d's sentences.
Tim Gunn says "Don't over design." Well, My problem was that I let everyone's hands in to touch my spiritual walk, and I never got to see the real design. I hope that I can stay out of my kids' way while they are working on trimming the weeds, and bushwhacking the brush that will be their struggle to find G-d. And I hope that perhaps I will one day be "home" to them.
Monday, June 20, 2011
hydrogen, helium, boron
The first week of summer break is over and I have really enjoyed spending it with the kids. I wanted to recap some of what we did. One of my favorite things was the music I got to share with them. We looked at the Beatles and how they influenced American pop culture and changed the way we wrote songs, viewed music's influence, and how they shaped our heroes and villains. Through the Beatles we met U2, Yoko Ono, Charles Manson, Michael Jackson, Julian Lennon and the Monkees. The Beatles have touched nearly artist we can imagine...oh yes, Imagine. What a great conversation. We also took a look at Chuck Berry. Berry, having many many hit records, has provided us with Route 66; a song that has been covered countless times. Through Berry we get to see artist such as Depeche Mode, the Rolling Stones, and even the Cheetah Girls. There is a lot to Berry that cannot be nailed down. He spent much of his time away from reporters, and only recently did an interview with Rolling Stone. We let his music speak for itself.
We also studied some famous artists. Magritte was a great choice to start. His psychology bled into his art. Magritte is unmistakable. You know immediately what is a Magritte. Big, bold, colorful, filling. We studied Jackson Pollack and somehow this led to the kids taking over and showing me some really wonderful sidewalk art. Pollack became a snowball to lots of other artists.
A short time is being spent on the States. We usually look up travel and tourism spots from youtube which allows us to see the pretty side of what a state has to offer, as well as the big attractions. It's short and to the point.
I promised a Western, so I dug up a little of my past and introduced the kids to The Young Riders. It's in color, so that keeps their attention. It turned out to be a great show for the boys. There is action and gun-fighting, and names they recognize. The material includes slavery, the civil war, women's rights, property rights....a long list to be sure.
We also did the periodic table and will continue to do so. I love the periodic table. Our first course of business is to learn the first 10 elements. In song form. I am in heaven. Mixed in with the periodic table has been a book called 30 Second Theories which explains theories in physics. The chapters are short and easy. We also watched Nova Science: How the Brain Works...okay we watched it because Neil Degrasse Tyson hosted, but still, it taught us some basic principles of magic and perception. It lets us see numbers and letters in color. It was so cool...and ND Tyson..sigh.
Our week in video ended with The Dhamma Brothers. The documentary shows life inside an Alabama high security prison and how one experiment changed so many lives. It was tough and honest. It was beautiful and respectful.
Friday afternoon at 3.00 put an end to my first week. I closed with Arlo Guthrie's Alice's Restaurant. We didn't discuss it, or analyze it...we just sang.
We also studied some famous artists. Magritte was a great choice to start. His psychology bled into his art. Magritte is unmistakable. You know immediately what is a Magritte. Big, bold, colorful, filling. We studied Jackson Pollack and somehow this led to the kids taking over and showing me some really wonderful sidewalk art. Pollack became a snowball to lots of other artists.
A short time is being spent on the States. We usually look up travel and tourism spots from youtube which allows us to see the pretty side of what a state has to offer, as well as the big attractions. It's short and to the point.
I promised a Western, so I dug up a little of my past and introduced the kids to The Young Riders. It's in color, so that keeps their attention. It turned out to be a great show for the boys. There is action and gun-fighting, and names they recognize. The material includes slavery, the civil war, women's rights, property rights....a long list to be sure.
We also did the periodic table and will continue to do so. I love the periodic table. Our first course of business is to learn the first 10 elements. In song form. I am in heaven. Mixed in with the periodic table has been a book called 30 Second Theories which explains theories in physics. The chapters are short and easy. We also watched Nova Science: How the Brain Works...okay we watched it because Neil Degrasse Tyson hosted, but still, it taught us some basic principles of magic and perception. It lets us see numbers and letters in color. It was so cool...and ND Tyson..sigh.
Our week in video ended with The Dhamma Brothers. The documentary shows life inside an Alabama high security prison and how one experiment changed so many lives. It was tough and honest. It was beautiful and respectful.
Friday afternoon at 3.00 put an end to my first week. I closed with Arlo Guthrie's Alice's Restaurant. We didn't discuss it, or analyze it...we just sang.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
95 degrees with a chance of Westerns
So, I have roughly 2 days left and then the children will be mine for the summer. I don't have the theme days that we had last year, but I have a decent collection of stuff for them to do. I relied heavily on Netflix to help me through this summer. I have 2 good books lined up so far and am hoping for at least one more. The summer vacations won't start for us until September and then flow over into October.
I like it when the school turns the kids back over to me, but I feel a lot of pressure to keep them as interested as their teachers do. I feel pressure to push them through to more mature, adult conversations this year...and more thought provoking material. There are so many things I want to show them, but as in the past I will probably repeat some of what they have seen at school. I got a great video on Darwin a few years ago, one I had watched in college, and we sat down to watch only to have Lilli say, "We watched this at school." It made me sad, but thankful that the school was on the same wave-length as me. I realize I have to think out of the box, and throw in some things that are new as well as the tried and true love of my life: the periodic table.
This year I hope to introduce the kids to music. Music has started revolutions, religions, and rights of passages. I hope the kids can grasp what the Beatles did for history, what American DJ's did for history, and how music changes with each generation and in each country. I hope not to be American-centric.
I also want to get their hands a little dirty and explore art. I want them to see artists for who they are and dig a little to understand why art is created, not just look at it. I hope they will be willing to jump in and cut, draw, glue, and tape. Graffiti is still not off my list, so be prepared if you wake up to a colorful driveway one morning. Art for art's sake is not what I want, I want them to understand the emotion that goes into pieces. I once asked a friend if it was wrong that I priced my favorite piece so high that nobody could afford. He replied that he did it all the time. Art is a piece of you that you sell. It's not always "fun".
Michael's favorite movies are war movies, but this summer I am going to try to get the kids to watch some westerns...not my favorite genre, but looking at America through someone else's lens might be okay for awhile. I cannot promise that I won't sneak off while the movies are on. I think what I am really looking for in these movies is the historiography: what did the filmmakers get right? Did that really happen? Was that really the attitude? American history is re-written every day, I might as well join in.
I am also hoping to do some religious studies. A few of them are getting old enough that they ready to see some other cultures, other choices, other lifestyles. I had thought of having some friends come over and speak to the kids about their religious choices, but then I wondered if they would present truth in their talks as opposed to the "I am soooo happy" version you get fed at the airports.
The hardest part of the next 3 months will be the menu. I usually have a menu laid out far enough in advance that I am secure, but feeding them and keeping it interesting may be the toughest hurdle for me this summer. There won't be many meals out, or fast food breaks. There will be a lot of Kool-Aid and some grilled cheese, but I hope to teach them to enjoy food, cook food, and appreciate it....no matter how bad you don't like it.
This past year we experienced many of our friends move away. My kids are now the only kids left on this block. In all honesty, summer should be a time for playing, but there is a really selfish part of me that is glad that there won't be any distractions. I want my kids for the next 3 months. Summer is my time to teach them what I love, what I find funny, what I see when they aren't here. It's my turn to give them a little part of me.
It's like Christmas when they are home and I lock the doors and have real family time....all the while hoping they don't notice they outnumber me. A mutiny at my age would be terrible.
I like it when the school turns the kids back over to me, but I feel a lot of pressure to keep them as interested as their teachers do. I feel pressure to push them through to more mature, adult conversations this year...and more thought provoking material. There are so many things I want to show them, but as in the past I will probably repeat some of what they have seen at school. I got a great video on Darwin a few years ago, one I had watched in college, and we sat down to watch only to have Lilli say, "We watched this at school." It made me sad, but thankful that the school was on the same wave-length as me. I realize I have to think out of the box, and throw in some things that are new as well as the tried and true love of my life: the periodic table.
This year I hope to introduce the kids to music. Music has started revolutions, religions, and rights of passages. I hope the kids can grasp what the Beatles did for history, what American DJ's did for history, and how music changes with each generation and in each country. I hope not to be American-centric.
I also want to get their hands a little dirty and explore art. I want them to see artists for who they are and dig a little to understand why art is created, not just look at it. I hope they will be willing to jump in and cut, draw, glue, and tape. Graffiti is still not off my list, so be prepared if you wake up to a colorful driveway one morning. Art for art's sake is not what I want, I want them to understand the emotion that goes into pieces. I once asked a friend if it was wrong that I priced my favorite piece so high that nobody could afford. He replied that he did it all the time. Art is a piece of you that you sell. It's not always "fun".
Michael's favorite movies are war movies, but this summer I am going to try to get the kids to watch some westerns...not my favorite genre, but looking at America through someone else's lens might be okay for awhile. I cannot promise that I won't sneak off while the movies are on. I think what I am really looking for in these movies is the historiography: what did the filmmakers get right? Did that really happen? Was that really the attitude? American history is re-written every day, I might as well join in.
I am also hoping to do some religious studies. A few of them are getting old enough that they ready to see some other cultures, other choices, other lifestyles. I had thought of having some friends come over and speak to the kids about their religious choices, but then I wondered if they would present truth in their talks as opposed to the "I am soooo happy" version you get fed at the airports.
The hardest part of the next 3 months will be the menu. I usually have a menu laid out far enough in advance that I am secure, but feeding them and keeping it interesting may be the toughest hurdle for me this summer. There won't be many meals out, or fast food breaks. There will be a lot of Kool-Aid and some grilled cheese, but I hope to teach them to enjoy food, cook food, and appreciate it....no matter how bad you don't like it.
This past year we experienced many of our friends move away. My kids are now the only kids left on this block. In all honesty, summer should be a time for playing, but there is a really selfish part of me that is glad that there won't be any distractions. I want my kids for the next 3 months. Summer is my time to teach them what I love, what I find funny, what I see when they aren't here. It's my turn to give them a little part of me.
It's like Christmas when they are home and I lock the doors and have real family time....all the while hoping they don't notice they outnumber me. A mutiny at my age would be terrible.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Wait, you're black??? Wait, I'm not???
So, today I needed to write and started about 10 different topics. I couldn't get my mind wrapped around just one so I said, okay Google...I feel lucky. I am not one who usually rolls the dice because luck really doesn't mean anything to me, but I smiled when I saw what Google offered...a picture of Africa. Now, I have never been there. I have always wanted to, but have never made it. Africa is higher on my list than Italy or France, or even Arizona.
There is a little debate going on about where human life originated. Most everyone knows and understands that life started in Africa, but there is talk that perhaps there were 2 great awakenings for the human species...one in Africa and another in Asia. In 2010, it was brought to light by the Christan Science Monitor that perhaps our oldest fossils have been found in Asia. http://www.csmonitor.com/Science/2010/1027/Human-ancestors-may-have-originated-in-Asia-not-Africa
What we know for sure is that regardless of where life originated all humans are of the same species. I have recently been involved in one of those family squabbles about race relations...(family: i.e. not people you need to talk to on a regular basis if you want to keep your sanity.) Of course, this family in particular is from another , older generation. Unfortunately, they are still allowed to talk in public, and sometimes they pass on their fears, worries, and opinions which have no scientific backing, to a younger generation. So, this blog is for the kids who have to listen to advice that was relevant 100 years ago. Still wrong, but relevant.
I thought human origin was covered in public school. So why is it that people still cling to outdated ideas and theories which have been proven false over and over again...? oh, yeah, that judgemental, I am better than you factor always rears its head, doesn't it? I don't think it's just because we live in the Southern, Bible-belted U.S., I think that race is a problem no matter where you travel. And, as unconvincing as it sounds, white people are not always involved.
I need my children to understand some simple words: equator, migration, change. The equator is the hottest place on the planet where the sun beats down. People who live at the equator are often darker than the rest of us. So, if life originated in Africa....yes! we get dark skinned humans. See, this is fun. Migration is what happened when people decided they no longer wanted to live in the same village with their mother-in-law. They packed up and moved, either to a different village or perhaps they were pushed out of their tribe for breaking a law and were forced to live on their own, hence migrating and finding new people to interact with. What they took with them were their traits, their language, their culture, their belief. These things then became married into a new tribe or they formed a familial tribe of their own creating new languages and customs. Migration let new foods cross territories, new genetic traits be introduced into blood lines, and created new social norms. It may have also provided an opportunity for trade and made a way for a new job: translators. What came next was change. As people migrated they had to accustom themselves to terrain, weather, predators, and housing availability. Because of this the people began to change. Over millions of years humans who migrated away from the equator lost their dark pigment. The size of our hands changed because we found new work. And if you haven't noticed, that little pinkie-toe of yours is not of any use and will probably disappear in a another 200 years. We have lost a need for our appendix, our tonsils, and that lovely yet amusing vestigial tail. We changed based on our surroundings, it is called evolution. You change to fit into your surroundings. Something that did not change though was our ability to pro-create.
Crows mate with crows, carpenter ants mate with carpenter ants. Humans mate with humans. See how simple that was? As we get older we are supposed to get wiser, so why do some of us reject common sense and science and still need old wives tales and ghost stories? Each race has a crippling disease that could effect a new born, each race has genetic codes written into DNA that could effect a baby. You cannot get a perfect child just because you mate with someone of your race because you probably don't know who your great great grandmother slept with and what kind of DNA cocktail is cursing through your own veins.
Life is short. Humans are plentiful. If you find one that you like who doesn't drink, smoke, go to jail every 2 weeks, and can have a conversation without grunting, then stop obsessing about their color. Maybe their grandparents just migrated too far away from the equator.
Tolerance starts at home, unless you live with white, southern baptist republicans, then Tylenol starts at home. ~ mama shey
There is a little debate going on about where human life originated. Most everyone knows and understands that life started in Africa, but there is talk that perhaps there were 2 great awakenings for the human species...one in Africa and another in Asia. In 2010, it was brought to light by the Christan Science Monitor that perhaps our oldest fossils have been found in Asia. http://www.csmonitor.com/Science/2010/1027/Human-ancestors-may-have-originated-in-Asia-not-Africa
What we know for sure is that regardless of where life originated all humans are of the same species. I have recently been involved in one of those family squabbles about race relations...(family: i.e. not people you need to talk to on a regular basis if you want to keep your sanity.) Of course, this family in particular is from another , older generation. Unfortunately, they are still allowed to talk in public, and sometimes they pass on their fears, worries, and opinions which have no scientific backing, to a younger generation. So, this blog is for the kids who have to listen to advice that was relevant 100 years ago. Still wrong, but relevant.
I thought human origin was covered in public school. So why is it that people still cling to outdated ideas and theories which have been proven false over and over again...? oh, yeah, that judgemental, I am better than you factor always rears its head, doesn't it? I don't think it's just because we live in the Southern, Bible-belted U.S., I think that race is a problem no matter where you travel. And, as unconvincing as it sounds, white people are not always involved.
I need my children to understand some simple words: equator, migration, change. The equator is the hottest place on the planet where the sun beats down. People who live at the equator are often darker than the rest of us. So, if life originated in Africa....yes! we get dark skinned humans. See, this is fun. Migration is what happened when people decided they no longer wanted to live in the same village with their mother-in-law. They packed up and moved, either to a different village or perhaps they were pushed out of their tribe for breaking a law and were forced to live on their own, hence migrating and finding new people to interact with. What they took with them were their traits, their language, their culture, their belief. These things then became married into a new tribe or they formed a familial tribe of their own creating new languages and customs. Migration let new foods cross territories, new genetic traits be introduced into blood lines, and created new social norms. It may have also provided an opportunity for trade and made a way for a new job: translators. What came next was change. As people migrated they had to accustom themselves to terrain, weather, predators, and housing availability. Because of this the people began to change. Over millions of years humans who migrated away from the equator lost their dark pigment. The size of our hands changed because we found new work. And if you haven't noticed, that little pinkie-toe of yours is not of any use and will probably disappear in a another 200 years. We have lost a need for our appendix, our tonsils, and that lovely yet amusing vestigial tail. We changed based on our surroundings, it is called evolution. You change to fit into your surroundings. Something that did not change though was our ability to pro-create.
Crows mate with crows, carpenter ants mate with carpenter ants. Humans mate with humans. See how simple that was? As we get older we are supposed to get wiser, so why do some of us reject common sense and science and still need old wives tales and ghost stories? Each race has a crippling disease that could effect a new born, each race has genetic codes written into DNA that could effect a baby. You cannot get a perfect child just because you mate with someone of your race because you probably don't know who your great great grandmother slept with and what kind of DNA cocktail is cursing through your own veins.
Life is short. Humans are plentiful. If you find one that you like who doesn't drink, smoke, go to jail every 2 weeks, and can have a conversation without grunting, then stop obsessing about their color. Maybe their grandparents just migrated too far away from the equator.
Tolerance starts at home, unless you live with white, southern baptist republicans, then Tylenol starts at home. ~ mama shey
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
The Council at Reality~ What the Atheists Know.
The rift that we have seen form inside the church over the past few years has shaken many, sent a few packing, and has angered pretty much everyone. This rift has nothing to do with faith or work but it has everything to do with the concept of responsibility. Do you know why the atheists have developed such a sour taste for Christianity? It has little to do with the faith involved, although they see Christians as being less intelligent on many fronts, atheists stay angered because Christians have in the past laid all responsibility on G-d. Now, with the advent of education being literally at our fingertips, Christians need do nothing more than log on and they have a wealth of knowledge blooming in bright full color in front of them. Christians of today need not trust any pastor, they can google when the Bible was written, who wrote it, what Noah's ark would have looked like, what laws Jesus broke. Christians have at their disposal a way to research their own faith, study the Councils that went into shaping the faith and even get an idea of how so much was lost through translations. So why aren't we? Welcome to the cliff...are you prepared to jump?
Responsibility is not a word that a lot of Christians have grown up knowing. If we get pregnant, it was because G-d had a plan. If we get divorced, it was because G-d needed to teach us a lesson. If our house burns down, it's because G-d has bigger things planned for us (regardless of our insurance). If our child is born with a life-threatening illness, then G-d is testing our faith. So, here's the real question : If we have the ability to choose what we do and why we do it, why is always G-d's fault? We either believe in free-will and self determination, or we believe that G-d literally has laid out a destiny for us and everything happens in His time....The rift in the church right now is about responsibility, you either have it or you don't. We no longer are a culture that is so uneducated that we can play the end against the middle and say, "I am trusting G-d." Those of us in the know are calling your bluff. This is not atheism, this is real, educated, reasonable Christianity.
Most any pastor you meet, if he is honest and somewhat worldly, will advise you that Christianity only has a few good years left. What we see coming is incredible: either large social churches that promote fun, family activities and operate schools out of their churches or the cult-like crazies led by men and women who know that Christianity has long been a money pit, ripe for digging. Oh, I'm sorry..the difference in the two? One will have school teachers and lawyers and community leaders, the other will have hippies, washouts, and people who drove by a college once. Other than that? hmmm. Well, the message is the same, "G-d has sent me to tell you..." It just looks better when G-d's appointed in wearing a five hundred dollar suit doesn't it? The rest of the Christian population has stopped calling themselves Christian. We no longer like the connotation. We are okay being real. We are Christians, but we have no love left for the church that has drained us, lied to us, used us, abused our children, took our money, and left us to be hated by a good majority of the world's population. See, we're Christians, we're just not YOUR type of Christian.
The new Christians meet in secret, talk in code, and mock pretty much everything the church is doing and saying because we know Jesus never planned for us to be stupid, mindless dolts. He wasn't, so, if I model myself after the Christ, then I should know a little bit about everything. Jesus taught truth. No one led him around by the nose. In fact we see he went from a haughty youth at 13, disobeying his father and mother, to become a man of 30 who railed against authority. He did what he did and he never made excuses, he never wanted to be pinned down by rules, social norms or religious law.
The atheist have this joke about Christians...that all they need is one book. One book that is full of historical inaccuracies, biological inaccuracies, and lots and lots of bloodshed in the name of G-d. Atheists don't mind us reading the book, they have all read the book, what they don't like is that we don't understand parables, or Jewish custom, or analogies. One book has backed us into a corner. Today the reality based Christians believe in evolution, understand that G-d created the universe (es) and then let it go, and don't pray so much as work. We also don't believe that G-d makes it rain, or causes tornadoes or earthquakes. We made it through fifth grade science. We wonder why no one else did. Our whole shtick is Responsibility. And yes, the right-wing Christian has promised that this new breed will go to hell because we are educated and live in this world with real people. They have waged war on us, therefore, we live in silence, know who we are, and continue to do G-d's work without the church's permission. Yet the good right wingers scream about being treated like a minority and go on and on about persecution. Persecution...how many Crusades did they win? They don't read history books either, I guess.
Responsibility comes in when, after lots of preparation, many forms and interviews, my son sits and waits to be called and told he is accepted at a new high school. The neighbor says she will pray for him. I am left speechless by this. An 11th hour prayer. When children work and work and then are taught or told that all of it is for nothing unless G-d decides he wants you there, what are we teaching these children? How about instead of praying, we write a note of recommendation? How about instead of praying we become an active part of some child's study routine and let them lay their path to greatness through hard work? Bill Gates is an atheist. Natalie Portman, atheist. Albert Einstein, atheist. They have each worked themselves into greatness. . Intelligence and a thirst for knowledge cannot be prayed into you if you never open a book. The idea the church implanted into the believers many years ago about steering clear of knowledge was a political ploy, and if we are still buying into the concept of keeping our eyes closed and our pocketbooks opened, then we get what we get, and our children pay dearly for it. King James chose carefully who helped him assemble a book...are you choosing carefully who you choose to help you interpret it?
When my house burned, nobody came to my door carrying a Christian flag declaring, "Jesus sent me." Most just showed up and said,"Hey, what do you need me to do." They didn't need me to sign a waiver stating that this was a good work so that G-d could validate it. They didn't need me to know what church they represented, they weren't here earning points. They were here because they were good decent people who decided to do the right thing. They took responsibility for their neighbor and offered food, clothing and housing. They required no edict to do it either. There was no booming voice from the sky leading them to me.
There is a reason why atheists and the new reality based Christians have a problem with Christianity. The words, "I will pray for you." When you put it in G-d's hands then it releases you from responsibility. You pray that someone will intervene...as long as it's not you. What Christianity has failed to promote is: Prayer that happens in the hand-holding, in the tears, in the quiet moments when you stand next to someone in the check-out aisle and sneak them the five dollars that they need to buy milkis the most important type of prayer. Prayer is not proud or boastful. It is supposed to be an action, yet the church has turned it into and inaction. Prayer is supposed to be all-powerful, fervent, life-changing action. We now sit back and pray for the children molested by their priests. Where is the action? Where is the flogging? Where is the therapy? Where is the desire to stop this ridiculous torture of a congregation? Why do we pray for people when they are sick? Are we really leaving it up to G-d to decide their fate rather than spend a little money and get them to a doctor? The new phrase when someone asks for prayer needs to be "I'll pray for you but I'll pray while I work alongside you to solve this problem." Because praying for the battered woman is a little different than putting her into your car and taking her to relatives, friends, or your house. But then, your answer is probably , "G -d didn't call me to do that."
Atheists will tell you the same thing the new breed of Christian will tell you: My most freeing day was when I left the church. To no longer be shackled by outdated misogynistic ideas and actually have the freedom to meet G-d was the best thing that happened to some of us. For atheists, the best thing was the realization that there is no great calculator in the sky keeping a tab on their good works, nor was there an invisible man riding in the car with them. I say that with a smile. They will tell you to find science has been the most holy experience they could imagine. For the new reality based Christians, science is seen the same way. It gives us such a look into majesty and intricacy. It makes us feel truly quiet and unworthy. It brings everything G-d is into a scope that we cannot wrap our minds around. G-d is not our friend, our buddy, our father. He is untouchable and unknowable and we are humbled because of it.
In essence, to be part of a church is to live in a raindrop. You and your kind are under a microscope and everything you do is magnified and therefore you think everyone lives like you, thinks like you, talks like you.You think you are big and untouchable. If you came out for ten minutes and realized that not all Christians throw around the terms "blessed and chosen" then you find your mind open to something a little different. You aren't in a huge dome of safety, you are in this world just like the rest of us. Do you open your eyes as Jesus requested? Did you do something with your life or just rest on the knowledge that your name is in the book?
I grew up being taught that the Bible, at least the Old Testament, was found as -is. I believed it was found intact as a book divinely given. Today, as an adult, I understand the work that went into creating this religious relic. I also understand how many people were killed in hopes that the church ( being the political power) could give the Bible to the people without any help from the do-gooders. Just because I understand the path theis book took, does it make me any less of a Christian? Many would say yes. Many would tell you that Satan creates lies, and is some time travelling boogey-man who sets up fossils and spends weeks chiselling the Grand Canyon in efforts to thrawrt our faith. Well, my faith is not that shallow or infantile. Just because I know what the Bible is and isn't, does it mean I believe any less in G-d? No, it means I believe less in the people that have tried to forge, shape, mold and sacrifice G-d. It may mean I believe less in the people that surround me who quote the Old Testament with all its judgements but fail to see how Jesus turned up his nose at the mockery of human life that the Old Testament proudly boasts.
Let me close with this. Have you ever known someone who says they lost their keys, they ran late and came upon a car accident. Then they say, "Had I been 2 minutes earlier it would have been me. G-d is good." Wow, the almighty ego in that statement is enough to make a few people sick. Implying that you are so much better or more needed here than the innocents that died in that crash. Assuming that you are so cherished by G-d that he won't let you die...and yet what have you done? Did you visit the family of the crash victims and say, "Well, it should have been me, but I am G-d's chosen, so I am really sorry your family died in my place." Have you sold your home to feed the poor because G-d called you through this event to be a bigger, better person? Have you donated any money to a local daycare...what have you done? More importantly, what have you boasted about doing? What responsibility have you taken as a human being? Or do you just trust that G-d's plan is well laid and whatever happens to you is the way it's supposed to be?
Sometimes, my children, life happens, quit acting like you know something about it and start living it. ~ mama shey
Responsibility is not a word that a lot of Christians have grown up knowing. If we get pregnant, it was because G-d had a plan. If we get divorced, it was because G-d needed to teach us a lesson. If our house burns down, it's because G-d has bigger things planned for us (regardless of our insurance). If our child is born with a life-threatening illness, then G-d is testing our faith. So, here's the real question : If we have the ability to choose what we do and why we do it, why is always G-d's fault? We either believe in free-will and self determination, or we believe that G-d literally has laid out a destiny for us and everything happens in His time....The rift in the church right now is about responsibility, you either have it or you don't. We no longer are a culture that is so uneducated that we can play the end against the middle and say, "I am trusting G-d." Those of us in the know are calling your bluff. This is not atheism, this is real, educated, reasonable Christianity.
Most any pastor you meet, if he is honest and somewhat worldly, will advise you that Christianity only has a few good years left. What we see coming is incredible: either large social churches that promote fun, family activities and operate schools out of their churches or the cult-like crazies led by men and women who know that Christianity has long been a money pit, ripe for digging. Oh, I'm sorry..the difference in the two? One will have school teachers and lawyers and community leaders, the other will have hippies, washouts, and people who drove by a college once. Other than that? hmmm. Well, the message is the same, "G-d has sent me to tell you..." It just looks better when G-d's appointed in wearing a five hundred dollar suit doesn't it? The rest of the Christian population has stopped calling themselves Christian. We no longer like the connotation. We are okay being real. We are Christians, but we have no love left for the church that has drained us, lied to us, used us, abused our children, took our money, and left us to be hated by a good majority of the world's population. See, we're Christians, we're just not YOUR type of Christian.
The new Christians meet in secret, talk in code, and mock pretty much everything the church is doing and saying because we know Jesus never planned for us to be stupid, mindless dolts. He wasn't, so, if I model myself after the Christ, then I should know a little bit about everything. Jesus taught truth. No one led him around by the nose. In fact we see he went from a haughty youth at 13, disobeying his father and mother, to become a man of 30 who railed against authority. He did what he did and he never made excuses, he never wanted to be pinned down by rules, social norms or religious law.
The atheist have this joke about Christians...that all they need is one book. One book that is full of historical inaccuracies, biological inaccuracies, and lots and lots of bloodshed in the name of G-d. Atheists don't mind us reading the book, they have all read the book, what they don't like is that we don't understand parables, or Jewish custom, or analogies. One book has backed us into a corner. Today the reality based Christians believe in evolution, understand that G-d created the universe (es) and then let it go, and don't pray so much as work. We also don't believe that G-d makes it rain, or causes tornadoes or earthquakes. We made it through fifth grade science. We wonder why no one else did. Our whole shtick is Responsibility. And yes, the right-wing Christian has promised that this new breed will go to hell because we are educated and live in this world with real people. They have waged war on us, therefore, we live in silence, know who we are, and continue to do G-d's work without the church's permission. Yet the good right wingers scream about being treated like a minority and go on and on about persecution. Persecution...how many Crusades did they win? They don't read history books either, I guess.
Responsibility comes in when, after lots of preparation, many forms and interviews, my son sits and waits to be called and told he is accepted at a new high school. The neighbor says she will pray for him. I am left speechless by this. An 11th hour prayer. When children work and work and then are taught or told that all of it is for nothing unless G-d decides he wants you there, what are we teaching these children? How about instead of praying, we write a note of recommendation? How about instead of praying we become an active part of some child's study routine and let them lay their path to greatness through hard work? Bill Gates is an atheist. Natalie Portman, atheist. Albert Einstein, atheist. They have each worked themselves into greatness. . Intelligence and a thirst for knowledge cannot be prayed into you if you never open a book. The idea the church implanted into the believers many years ago about steering clear of knowledge was a political ploy, and if we are still buying into the concept of keeping our eyes closed and our pocketbooks opened, then we get what we get, and our children pay dearly for it. King James chose carefully who helped him assemble a book...are you choosing carefully who you choose to help you interpret it?
When my house burned, nobody came to my door carrying a Christian flag declaring, "Jesus sent me." Most just showed up and said,"Hey, what do you need me to do." They didn't need me to sign a waiver stating that this was a good work so that G-d could validate it. They didn't need me to know what church they represented, they weren't here earning points. They were here because they were good decent people who decided to do the right thing. They took responsibility for their neighbor and offered food, clothing and housing. They required no edict to do it either. There was no booming voice from the sky leading them to me.
There is a reason why atheists and the new reality based Christians have a problem with Christianity. The words, "I will pray for you." When you put it in G-d's hands then it releases you from responsibility. You pray that someone will intervene...as long as it's not you. What Christianity has failed to promote is: Prayer that happens in the hand-holding, in the tears, in the quiet moments when you stand next to someone in the check-out aisle and sneak them the five dollars that they need to buy milkis the most important type of prayer. Prayer is not proud or boastful. It is supposed to be an action, yet the church has turned it into and inaction. Prayer is supposed to be all-powerful, fervent, life-changing action. We now sit back and pray for the children molested by their priests. Where is the action? Where is the flogging? Where is the therapy? Where is the desire to stop this ridiculous torture of a congregation? Why do we pray for people when they are sick? Are we really leaving it up to G-d to decide their fate rather than spend a little money and get them to a doctor? The new phrase when someone asks for prayer needs to be "I'll pray for you but I'll pray while I work alongside you to solve this problem." Because praying for the battered woman is a little different than putting her into your car and taking her to relatives, friends, or your house. But then, your answer is probably , "G -d didn't call me to do that."
Atheists will tell you the same thing the new breed of Christian will tell you: My most freeing day was when I left the church. To no longer be shackled by outdated misogynistic ideas and actually have the freedom to meet G-d was the best thing that happened to some of us. For atheists, the best thing was the realization that there is no great calculator in the sky keeping a tab on their good works, nor was there an invisible man riding in the car with them. I say that with a smile. They will tell you to find science has been the most holy experience they could imagine. For the new reality based Christians, science is seen the same way. It gives us such a look into majesty and intricacy. It makes us feel truly quiet and unworthy. It brings everything G-d is into a scope that we cannot wrap our minds around. G-d is not our friend, our buddy, our father. He is untouchable and unknowable and we are humbled because of it.
In essence, to be part of a church is to live in a raindrop. You and your kind are under a microscope and everything you do is magnified and therefore you think everyone lives like you, thinks like you, talks like you.You think you are big and untouchable. If you came out for ten minutes and realized that not all Christians throw around the terms "blessed and chosen" then you find your mind open to something a little different. You aren't in a huge dome of safety, you are in this world just like the rest of us. Do you open your eyes as Jesus requested? Did you do something with your life or just rest on the knowledge that your name is in the book?
I grew up being taught that the Bible, at least the Old Testament, was found as -is. I believed it was found intact as a book divinely given. Today, as an adult, I understand the work that went into creating this religious relic. I also understand how many people were killed in hopes that the church ( being the political power) could give the Bible to the people without any help from the do-gooders. Just because I understand the path theis book took, does it make me any less of a Christian? Many would say yes. Many would tell you that Satan creates lies, and is some time travelling boogey-man who sets up fossils and spends weeks chiselling the Grand Canyon in efforts to thrawrt our faith. Well, my faith is not that shallow or infantile. Just because I know what the Bible is and isn't, does it mean I believe any less in G-d? No, it means I believe less in the people that have tried to forge, shape, mold and sacrifice G-d. It may mean I believe less in the people that surround me who quote the Old Testament with all its judgements but fail to see how Jesus turned up his nose at the mockery of human life that the Old Testament proudly boasts.
Let me close with this. Have you ever known someone who says they lost their keys, they ran late and came upon a car accident. Then they say, "Had I been 2 minutes earlier it would have been me. G-d is good." Wow, the almighty ego in that statement is enough to make a few people sick. Implying that you are so much better or more needed here than the innocents that died in that crash. Assuming that you are so cherished by G-d that he won't let you die...and yet what have you done? Did you visit the family of the crash victims and say, "Well, it should have been me, but I am G-d's chosen, so I am really sorry your family died in my place." Have you sold your home to feed the poor because G-d called you through this event to be a bigger, better person? Have you donated any money to a local daycare...what have you done? More importantly, what have you boasted about doing? What responsibility have you taken as a human being? Or do you just trust that G-d's plan is well laid and whatever happens to you is the way it's supposed to be?
Sometimes, my children, life happens, quit acting like you know something about it and start living it. ~ mama shey
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