You Might Be A Cult Leader If:

   We had been in beautiful downtown Newton for May fest and after facing the Bible beaters who pandered only to children, I was done. We were not capable of walking around the square because a group was handing out suckers that said, "Don't be a sucker for Satan."  Granted, if you were under 10 you probably read it as Santa..but still. That's another blog entirely. So we were making our way around the petting zoo to escape town when a fellow stopped in front of us. He just wanted a minute of our time. He had seen us around and lived next door to a friend of ours,  and he just wanted to give us his card and tell us where his church was. Let me try to make this as short and sweet as possible. I didn't raise my voice. I didn't tell him he was wrong. I merely stated some facts as I know them...which fell on deaf ears. So, let me try again, in this venue. ( I will elaborate here. and get really personal)

    If you don't know your neighbors name....you're the problem, not their religious beliefs or set of non-beliefs. Your g-d would know my name. He doesn't refer to me as "that lady with all the kids". If you don't introduce yourself then it's not personal.

    When you start each sentence with, "I don't know you or care what you believe..", you have already made your point. There is no reason to continue. You have said EVERYTHING I need to hear in that sentence.

      Your church makes it a habit of saying "We're right and look at those poor souls on the outside." Sometimes the poorest souls are on the inside. Teaching that you are right because you showed up to sit on a pew...? No, there is no such thing as right. There is only opportunity for growth.

      When I tell you that I expect the church to be a place of intellectual conversation and you look at me funny, I got all the info on you that I need. If you can't have a discussion about your community in the Sunday school room, then you're not serving your community. If you can't talk about clean air or clean water...how are you saving souls if people are living in poverty? For too long science and education have been parked at the door of the church. Reason and logic have been left out of the church. Jesus was reasonable. Jesus was logical. Embracing science as a part of religion needs to start happening if you're going to keep kids interested, because keeping them away from facts in order to add their soul to your roster isn't honest nor will it be validated when it's time for your judgement. When your kids ask you how something works and you say"It's not for us to know.." Just wait. One day they will tell you how it works because they asked somebody intelligent. How about you be that intelligent someone and google it for them. They may respect you more. The "we don't question" portion of this program was closed the day that man went to the moon. Why don't you join the rest of us who don't keep G-d locked in a box or a book.

         You want to quote a verse,but you don't  know the context and history. If you've never opened a book to understand the politics of the region or you've never watched a King James documentary...how about stop quoting stuff that you don't fully know the impact of. There are plenty of verses to discount the one you just threw out. It's called contradictions based on region and politics, as well as passage of time. It happens all the time in the Bible. It's because the Bible was written by many people from different perspectives. ....you don't get that either, never mind.

    You act as if you might incite violence and yelling when told I disagree with you.

   

         Ask me if I've read the Bible one. more. time. I dare you.


WHAT WE DO:

   We, as a family, do not get our "community" from a church. We get our community from the community. The people we live next door to, the people we see on the street, they are our community. We get our community from the baseball field and the school playground. We do not need to go to church for the free meals or free child care or free movie nights or free vacations. We aren't those types. And if that is your selling point: then sorry.

    When I tell you that I have grown up in church and spent 15 years there willingly...you best not discount that. Just because I don't go to your church doesn't mean I am a heathen. Maybe it just means I've heard about your church and it scares me. Maybe it means that you don't live a lifestyle that I respect and don't want to be with you in your segregated heaven. Maybe I just don't want to drive that far. I don't drive.


      We raise our kids to believe that love is an action not an attitude. If you cannot be there with me in my darkest hour, then please do not hug me at church and tell me how valuable I am. As a friend, which you are called to be first, you need to know names, needs, and whereabouts.

    We respect people When someone tells you they are an atheist that is not an invitation to convert them or argue with them. We respect the years they have spent educating themselves and drawing their own conclusions. When someone tells you that they are Hindu it is not an invitation to introduce them to Jesus. We respect that the Gita came before the Bible and that they are capable adults who have a culture and can choose their own religion.


Dear street preacher who only has my best interest in mind,
    Carrying bitterness in your heart for people who don't live like you is a great way to get those church doors to close. Good job, dude...oh, and your kids....I will be able to hear the rebellion from here. I look forward to the fireworks. The phrase you reap what you sow...you are sowing some serious trouble where those kids are concerned. Keep denying them community, friendship and sports and girlfriends. And that is why I was chosen by you that day. I have daughters. Sucks to be you, dude. You aren't getting my daughters.


  

   

     


   

Normal is Just a Word (a really bad one)

   When you become a parent it doesn't matter how many books you read or how many family members give you advice, your child just doesn't listen. When you explain to 2 week old baby that they are supposed to sleep at least 4 hours a night, they laugh and remind you that you aren't in charge any more. When you expect them to walk at 12 months but they stand up and run at 10, you do start to question who writes these books and if they ever had kids. Parenting and book learning are so very different. Granted, it is nice to have a guide, but when baby doesn't sleep through the night until 6 months you have to wonder if you're doing anything right. It's hard.
    And because it's hard some parents take the bull by the horns and make declarations of , "baby will do this!" or " baby won't do that!" Some parents want control. I completely understand rules and needs and schedules, but what if you just relaxed and let baby grow up to be what baby needs to be? So what the little tot wants to sleep all day? It's Sunday. I want to sleep all day too. I have learned a great lesson from my children. I have learned to let go.
   Normal and conventional are words. They are words that I deem "bad". They are words other parents use when they are trying to lay a guilt trip on you. These aren't words that kids know much less respect.
I am now in a position where, sure the kids run the house: between baseball, internships, band practice, theatre auditions, college visits, vacations that I have to pay for but can't go on, and school meetings; all my ME time has become THEIR time. And I have grown so much because of it.
    Because of these kids I get to go places I never would have. I get to meet people that I would have normally passed by. I get new thoughts, new questions, new attitudes constantly. All thrown at me by people who aren't half my age yet. My children are allowed to date people that I certainly never would have been allowed to date. They are allowed to go places I was never allowed to go. They have even lived in neighborhoods I was never allowed to visit. It's called evolving.
   Rules are nice, but so is living. I have changed my mind many times over the past 16 years because of what my children have exposed me to. Rather than tell them How they need to be or What they need to be I have decided to just let them be. My yard is full of flowers and trees. My house is full of movies and games. There are swords inside and out and Barbie dolls without shoes. There is no such thing as proper and right in this house. Whomever they grow up to be, I believe nature outweighs nurture. They are allowed to be honest about who they are.
  There is only the one question,in this house: "Where are we going today." I guess the answer to that question will determine who we all are tomorrow.   We're still evolving. And I couldn't be happier about that.

Pretty and Smart

   I used to cry myself to sleep at night, telling myself that I wasn't dumb. I would lay awake and try to figure out how people rationalized that I was stupid. I was painfully shy, genuinely awkward, and had no social skills. I couldn't carry on a conversation, and still can't (that's why I write and am drawn like a moth to social media, because I can have a thought and time to process it); but stupid always seemed harsh. I could, and still can, write a paper on any  subject, and I could and still can appreciate textbooks. The talking part was where I failed. And let's face it, no matter what I say people always assume that I am in a bad mood. My father, a man, was the person whom I most mimicked because I saw him give many speeches and sermons in my life. He was my role model for public speaking. When men become passionate about speaking women get turned on; but when women become passionate about speaking....people turn on you.
    I got used to being "ugly". I can remember the first time a boy called me ugly. I remember him and no,  we're not friends on Facebook. I was in Kindergarten. Ugly was something I understood. I looked different. As I grew up I realized ugly was in the eye of the beholder, but I knew I would never be what the world called pretty so I aimed for somewhere between normal and invisible.  I stopped wearing makeup when I turned 30. Okay, except for Mary Kay's Black Cherry lip color. I sleep in it. If you ever have to run from a burning building in the middle of the night: Mary Kay lip color. 
    I went to college right after high school. I then returned quite a few times. I do have a degree, but some days I just want to barge into that college and demand ALL the degrees that I have earned. I should have been more thoughtful about graduation, but I wasn't in college for the degrees. I went back to college over and over again because I loved the knowledge. I loved the youth movement, I loved seeing the world differently each time I returned. I dream about being a full time student, but some days, some days I just really want all those degrees to hold in people's faces and say, "See! I am not stupid!" I realize that many kids graduate with a four or six year degree and they still don't understand supply and demand, evolution, or the difference between civil and civics. I completely understand that a degree isn't worth the paper it's written on...what matters is what you've retained, and how college has shaped you.
    So what did I learn from college? I learned that yes, I am dumb. As I look at the people that I love, I realize I am on the losing end, and this time it is okay. Lilli, sometime last week, was going on about genetics. Now, I understand the basics, but Lil was going on and on. I had to take a deep breath and assume that looking-at-the-floor position so she wouldn't see the deer-in-the-headlights look on my face. I was impressed with her, but I couldn't hold up my end of the conversation.  And that's okay.
    I now have a  lot of people in my life who are just plain smarter than me. By your 40's you should be pretty much done with growing and changing, right? Well, not in this house. I am a very different person today than I was a year ago...because I am dumb enough to surround myself with people who sometimes have to repeat things for me, but I like it. I don't want to be at the top of that sort of evolutionary link, I enjoy being bombarded each day with facts that I have to research and ideas that I have to think about. I never want to be "the smart one" in my little group. I want and hope you will always challenge yourself to find people that know things that you don't know, have been places you've never been, and want things that you can't imagine.
   I no longer cry because I'm stupid, okay, I rarely cry anymore at all, but I no longer feel bad about myself. I know what I am: a constant student, a thirsty learner. And for people who tell me that I can't possibly know the answers to EVERYTHING...yes, yes I can. It will just take a little longer. Come back next year and you'll see a different me.