The church, she is a changing. Membership is down, people are angry, people are lost, and televangelists have been investigated by Congress. We have more than a few problems. The economy is not our friend. We may be meeting in living rooms or at kitchen tables and some of us deign to meet online, but there is help in meeting the needs of the world even without a home church.
How do I tithe without money?
In the scriptures we learn of blood sacrifice. Something was killed as an atonement for our sin or something was killed as a celebration for G-d's faithfulness. Villagers also brought their livestock into town to gift to the church. In this age of technology how to we offer a tithe to show our gratitude? It starts with prayerful meditation. If we aren't spending time with G-d, then we don't know what we are being called to do or give up as an offering. We need to start by sacrificing time away from the computer or TV. Our greatest tithe comes from giving of ourselves and meeting G-d. Tithing should be something quiet and sacred. It should be shrouded in a little mystery. It should be bathed in respect. If tithing isn't personal, then we have failed and offered an empty tithe.
In some cultures, after bread has been broken some of the food is set aside as an offering. After the meal the food can be taken outside and left for G-d. We are in essence feeding his creatures. We should never throw food into a trash can when a lot of us have backyards where we can feed the birds or the dogs, or just simply fertilize the ground so our crops can grow strong. You have neighbors with composting bins, they will be happy to take your left-overs. If you see someone in your neighborhood being called on by Meals on Wheels, you may already have a place to take a plate of food.
I have many friends that sew or crochet. Using materials that we already have to create a coat or blanket is a lovely and personal way to tithe. Sitting with friends at a rest home or doing physical labor around a local school or park is one way to put others needs above our own. Spending a day inside a park on a trail picking up trash is an excellent way to be in communion with G-d while doing work that meets many needs. Is recycling a way to tithe? Absolutely. How you deal with all of your "blessings" after you are finished with them says a lot about your character. Food, clothing, furniture all wind up in dumps unless you are willing to take the time to feed and clothe people who need help. There are plenty of businesses that would gladly take your "trash" and make them treasures. If you feel G-d gave you something, shouldn't you ask if he expects it to wind up in a landfill or if there is somewhere else it could go.
How do I tithe with money?
Your first course of action is to find out why you want to tithe. And if you find yourself feeling vain or flaunting your help, you are wasting every one's time. I am not talking to you. If you record your tithes so that G-d can borrow your money until Uncle Sam can pay it back, I am not speaking to you. You have an agenda that I cannot help, nor do I want to. Giving for the good of G-d because you want to, knowing that you won't miss the money is what I am talking about. G-d doesn't need to borrow your money. Technically G-d doesn't need you, but tithing is about faith and belief, and you GIVE. You just simply give expecting nothing in return. You give because you're happy, you give because you know poverty.
What are our choices if we are without a church, without a church that we financially trust, or even without that deep faith? We start in our community. We start at the schools, the day cares, the prisons, the libraries, the soup kitchens, the nursing homes. 10 dollars a week equals 520 dollars a year. That is actually a Huge drop in the bucket for many programs. Can you imagine if someone walked up too you and handed you a check for 520 dollars? A Habitat House can average about 7 thousand dollars depending on donations and help as well as location. You could help fund a house. You could provide therapeutic riding lessons for kids in need. You could provide coffee and breakfast for those people who work at voting polls. You could buy text books for a kid at community college.
Once you find your passion, and that's what it should be: passion, everything becomes a little easier. Writing a check is easy. You let G-d take the responsibility for the outcome, but when you become personally involved in your tithing, then you will find that you have a longing to reach your goals and you really learn to love the experience. You also learn about listening and you'll find G-d speaking in every corner of your community.
What I don't need to do
If you won't eat it, do not donate it to those "less fortunate". They are human beings loved by G-d. If a package is damaged, open, or out of date, you have animals that might eat it, but if you won't serve it on your table, don't serve it on G-d's.
If you won't wear it, don't give it to a sister in Christ. Dress people as if they have some respect for themselves...There are dry cleaners and shoe repair shops that make it a point to repair or clean clothing so that it can be donated.
Don't talk about it. There is a passage in the bible that talks about being alone in a closet when you pray. Matthew 6.6 I think. Being alone in G-d, with G-d, it is an intimate relationship. If we cannot respect that moment then it's all for nothing. Tithing is a way to pray, a way to communicate with the Lord. If we don't feel that connection, if we don't feel completely humble in our ability to give, then we're doing it wrong.
Don't let the world get you down. So you give a kid a coat and 3 days later you find it on the playground. It's not okay to stop giving. Things will happen. Coats will be forgotten, food will spoil. It's not your fault and G-d isn't "wasting" your money. Some of our greatest lessons in life come when we look back on what we wasted and what we threw away. We learn to be humble and greatful. Sometimes life just gets in the way...it doesn't mean that every gift that you give will be wasted. It just means that some things take time.
Treat yourself like a human being and pretty soon you'll be treating everyone like that.~Mama Shey
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
So, This Guy I Dated Was Right.
As I stood at the pulpit looking at a group of people, most of whom I was lucky enough to know, it dawned on me that very few of them knew each other. That's the great thing about funerals, you are surrounded by people that share your grief. The problem is, most often they are strangers, not just to you but to each other. A funeral is a time when the truth of a person's life is exposed. Remember all those movies where the family is at a funeral and the mob shows up? Or maybe the mistress? Or a long lost child arrives to collect the inheritance? Sounds fun and slightly uncomfortable, but really, do we not judge a man by the friends he keeps?
I realized that very few of the people in the congregation the day of Walt's funeral knew each other. They may have known "of" each other, but his really close friends who seemed from my perspective to have a lot in common, didn't know one another. I found my challenge that day , and I have enjoyed testing my priorities over the past year.
My first order of business is to be your friend whether you want me or not. I WILL like you. There is nothing you can do about. I will face book bomb you, I will mail you a card, I will call you at dinnertime. I have telemarketer training. You are screwed. I am here. We are friends. Roll your eyes and get over it. I want to be your friend...but life is hard.
I want my kids to know a few things. In this world that we live in, it is hard enough to make a marriage work. Two people who live together and have the opportunities to see each other daily still cannot make time for each other. I am raising numerous kids and am grateful for a man who takes his turn with them. They go to movies, they go out to eat, they go on vacations without me. There is some bonding going on there somewhere. But somewhere between work, marriage and family I want to make time for friends. I don't want to wait until I am retired to make friends a priority.
Years ago I dated a guy who travelled extensively. He was rarely at home and commented that I was so lucky to live in the same town I grew up in. I had real connections, deep friendships, I had a community. In all honesty, he made me want to cry because I had none of that. I was young and I didn't have any of what he spoke of. He changed my way of seeing my world. Yes, I loved my job but it really was where I got my social needs met. It wasn't just a job it was my life.
As you grow older and leave high school you will be drawn back to your hometown and to the people that you grew up with. I hope that you won't see them in that same high school drama filled bright white light that you were so used to. I hope that you take time and get to know them as adults. You need friends, and I need friends. You nor I need to be one of those last minute friends that show up when things get bad and talk about all the regrets, but real friends. This means that you have to make an effort. I know someone who says, "Well, so and so never calls, so I guess they are done with me." You have to be a friend, not just be on the receiving end of friendship. This becomes harder and more apparent as you get older. Make time.
Now, for the diabolical part: I want my friends to know one another. From now on when you come home from the grocery store you will not say,"Hey, I saw Mama Shey's friend today." No, from now on you will say, "Hey! I saw MY friend at the store." How awesome. I want my friends to hang out together. I want a world where I introduce you to each other and a new friendship grows. There is no end to the friendships available at my fingertips. That game of 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon is funny...but I would prefer something along the lines of 3 degrees of Mama Shey. I know this will take hard work on my part. Being a friend is a full time job, but it's what I want and I want to set that example for my kids. In high school we are relegated to Team Nerd, or the Band Geeks, or the Cheerleaders but as we grow up we need to see that we have surrounded ourselves with people we like, why shouldn't they like each other? Why do we still categorize our friends as those I play cards with or those I go shopping with? And when someone reaches out to try and be your friend, don't judge them. Just give them a chance.
And when it comes time to congregate at my funeral, I hope you don't all fight over who gets to sit where, but more importantly, I hope nobody has to be introduced.
Great friendships can be built by someone who sees the potential in you to brighten their day. ~Mama Shey.
I realized that very few of the people in the congregation the day of Walt's funeral knew each other. They may have known "of" each other, but his really close friends who seemed from my perspective to have a lot in common, didn't know one another. I found my challenge that day , and I have enjoyed testing my priorities over the past year.
My first order of business is to be your friend whether you want me or not. I WILL like you. There is nothing you can do about. I will face book bomb you, I will mail you a card, I will call you at dinnertime. I have telemarketer training. You are screwed. I am here. We are friends. Roll your eyes and get over it. I want to be your friend...but life is hard.
I want my kids to know a few things. In this world that we live in, it is hard enough to make a marriage work. Two people who live together and have the opportunities to see each other daily still cannot make time for each other. I am raising numerous kids and am grateful for a man who takes his turn with them. They go to movies, they go out to eat, they go on vacations without me. There is some bonding going on there somewhere. But somewhere between work, marriage and family I want to make time for friends. I don't want to wait until I am retired to make friends a priority.
Years ago I dated a guy who travelled extensively. He was rarely at home and commented that I was so lucky to live in the same town I grew up in. I had real connections, deep friendships, I had a community. In all honesty, he made me want to cry because I had none of that. I was young and I didn't have any of what he spoke of. He changed my way of seeing my world. Yes, I loved my job but it really was where I got my social needs met. It wasn't just a job it was my life.
As you grow older and leave high school you will be drawn back to your hometown and to the people that you grew up with. I hope that you won't see them in that same high school drama filled bright white light that you were so used to. I hope that you take time and get to know them as adults. You need friends, and I need friends. You nor I need to be one of those last minute friends that show up when things get bad and talk about all the regrets, but real friends. This means that you have to make an effort. I know someone who says, "Well, so and so never calls, so I guess they are done with me." You have to be a friend, not just be on the receiving end of friendship. This becomes harder and more apparent as you get older. Make time.
Now, for the diabolical part: I want my friends to know one another. From now on when you come home from the grocery store you will not say,"Hey, I saw Mama Shey's friend today." No, from now on you will say, "Hey! I saw MY friend at the store." How awesome. I want my friends to hang out together. I want a world where I introduce you to each other and a new friendship grows. There is no end to the friendships available at my fingertips. That game of 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon is funny...but I would prefer something along the lines of 3 degrees of Mama Shey. I know this will take hard work on my part. Being a friend is a full time job, but it's what I want and I want to set that example for my kids. In high school we are relegated to Team Nerd, or the Band Geeks, or the Cheerleaders but as we grow up we need to see that we have surrounded ourselves with people we like, why shouldn't they like each other? Why do we still categorize our friends as those I play cards with or those I go shopping with? And when someone reaches out to try and be your friend, don't judge them. Just give them a chance.
And when it comes time to congregate at my funeral, I hope you don't all fight over who gets to sit where, but more importantly, I hope nobody has to be introduced.
Great friendships can be built by someone who sees the potential in you to brighten their day. ~Mama Shey.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Making It About the Money
We are going to make it through Christmas...and here's how.
1. Clean out a space in your closet or your spare room for a HUGE empty box.Cut the top off of the box. Wrap said empty box is colorful, happy paper.
2. Cut up your credit cards and sprinkle them like fairy dust into colorful happy box. Consider this your first Christmas present to your family.
3. Get a notebook. Write down on the first page in big bold type what year it is. Then make a list of everyone that you want to give presents to. (If this list is over 25 people, skip to #4 immediately.)
4. Inventory the adults in your life who talk about what they want for Christmas..not about what they are giving but about what they want. Pick 2 that you don't love and mark them off your Christmas list. If you are one of those adults.....give this blog to your significant other and learn your lesson.
5. Go shopping. But not for "fun" stuff. You will be going to the dollar store and buying 10 dollars worth of tape, wrapping paper, scissors, and a pen. Also buy yourself a cute little storage basket to keep these things in. You may not ever loan them out to children, especially teenagers. Ever.
6. Your goal is to put back at least 20 dollars a week for Christmas. The higher your income, the more you can put back. This starts the first week of January, no kidding. If you cannot trust yourself with cash, then go to your favorite store and start collecting gift cards. Every week. You are not giving gift cards for Christmas. What you are doing is hoarding some serious money for a rainy day when you need out of the house and need retail therapy. Except, you aren't using the credit card, and you aren't shopping for YOU. If you cannot do this, we need to talk. As in, you need to be yelled at by me.
7. Don't buy random gifts. Buy for the specific person. If you go to Target and buy the pre-wrapped gifts, then you have wasted money on gifts and you'll wind up giving those gifts to people you don't like or neighbors you never see, just to get rid of the gifts..not cool. Wasted money is not cool. You should feel guilty. Christmas gifts jump out at you throughout the year. You have to be prepared to have money and KNOW who you are buying for.
8. Buy for their hobbies. I collect stuff. Most people do. Taa-daa. Now you know what to get me. The antique store is actually the greatest place to shop for Christmas. It becomes personal. You have to put thought into it. No more lotion, no more gloves, no more cheap perfume from the drug store. This is Christmas, put some love into it. If you don't know what to get them, then you don't know them enough to share Christmas with them. (the end).
8. Create your own gift baskets for the gardener, the teacher, the artist. You can have tons of fun with retail therapy if you are shopping at Lowe's, Bed Bath or Michael's if you push yourself to get creative.
9. Your kids may want big ticket items. That's fine. You may want to give those to your kids...just make sure you aren't seeing these wishes as demands. If it's not FUN to watch them open the presents, then your whole family loses. (The same could be said for you.)
10. As soon as you bring your gifts into the house, take a few minutes. Pat yourself on the back, and wrap them!! You have everything you need: wrapping paper, tape, a big box to put the presents in, and a notebook so you know what you have bought. You are Christmas. You have a little Christmas each and every month! Unless you just saved up allll those 20 dollar bills for one gigantic shopping spree in December! Wow is all I can say! Have FUN!
Now for the hard part.
11. Make sure you stop by the local elementary school the week before Christmas and drop off a new coat. The principal will know who needs it. Stop in at the local soup kitchen and offer a gift card to a grocery store or food from your own garden. Stop by the local prison and drop off stamps, greeting cards, books and magazines. Go by the local school and give money to the principal for a field trip, there are always kids who cannot pay for field trips and the teacher usually pays out of pocket. Tell the school secretary that you want to buy a yearbook for a kid that cannot afford one. Feed the teachers breakfast one morning. There are nursing homes in your community that don't have corporate help, they may need blankets. If you don't like people, then drop off old blankets to the animal shelter or give them a cash donation to help poorer families be able to get rabies shots for their pet. And if you have the extra money, then buy real presents for a family you know who needs a Christmas hug. There are opportunities in your neighborhood. Be Santa!
So now you have shopped all year for Christmas and you have nothing else to stress over. Enjoy your Christmas bonus. Enjoy your time off. And maybe go out on Black Friday just to mock people. After all, you did get that Strawberry Shortcake Doll back in October when it was 25 percent off. HA!! You are so cool.
1. Clean out a space in your closet or your spare room for a HUGE empty box.Cut the top off of the box. Wrap said empty box is colorful, happy paper.
2. Cut up your credit cards and sprinkle them like fairy dust into colorful happy box. Consider this your first Christmas present to your family.
3. Get a notebook. Write down on the first page in big bold type what year it is. Then make a list of everyone that you want to give presents to. (If this list is over 25 people, skip to #4 immediately.)
4. Inventory the adults in your life who talk about what they want for Christmas..not about what they are giving but about what they want. Pick 2 that you don't love and mark them off your Christmas list. If you are one of those adults.....give this blog to your significant other and learn your lesson.
5. Go shopping. But not for "fun" stuff. You will be going to the dollar store and buying 10 dollars worth of tape, wrapping paper, scissors, and a pen. Also buy yourself a cute little storage basket to keep these things in. You may not ever loan them out to children, especially teenagers. Ever.
6. Your goal is to put back at least 20 dollars a week for Christmas. The higher your income, the more you can put back. This starts the first week of January, no kidding. If you cannot trust yourself with cash, then go to your favorite store and start collecting gift cards. Every week. You are not giving gift cards for Christmas. What you are doing is hoarding some serious money for a rainy day when you need out of the house and need retail therapy. Except, you aren't using the credit card, and you aren't shopping for YOU. If you cannot do this, we need to talk. As in, you need to be yelled at by me.
7. Don't buy random gifts. Buy for the specific person. If you go to Target and buy the pre-wrapped gifts, then you have wasted money on gifts and you'll wind up giving those gifts to people you don't like or neighbors you never see, just to get rid of the gifts..not cool. Wasted money is not cool. You should feel guilty. Christmas gifts jump out at you throughout the year. You have to be prepared to have money and KNOW who you are buying for.
8. Buy for their hobbies. I collect stuff. Most people do. Taa-daa. Now you know what to get me. The antique store is actually the greatest place to shop for Christmas. It becomes personal. You have to put thought into it. No more lotion, no more gloves, no more cheap perfume from the drug store. This is Christmas, put some love into it. If you don't know what to get them, then you don't know them enough to share Christmas with them. (the end).
8. Create your own gift baskets for the gardener, the teacher, the artist. You can have tons of fun with retail therapy if you are shopping at Lowe's, Bed Bath or Michael's if you push yourself to get creative.
9. Your kids may want big ticket items. That's fine. You may want to give those to your kids...just make sure you aren't seeing these wishes as demands. If it's not FUN to watch them open the presents, then your whole family loses. (The same could be said for you.)
10. As soon as you bring your gifts into the house, take a few minutes. Pat yourself on the back, and wrap them!! You have everything you need: wrapping paper, tape, a big box to put the presents in, and a notebook so you know what you have bought. You are Christmas. You have a little Christmas each and every month! Unless you just saved up allll those 20 dollar bills for one gigantic shopping spree in December! Wow is all I can say! Have FUN!
Now for the hard part.
11. Make sure you stop by the local elementary school the week before Christmas and drop off a new coat. The principal will know who needs it. Stop in at the local soup kitchen and offer a gift card to a grocery store or food from your own garden. Stop by the local prison and drop off stamps, greeting cards, books and magazines. Go by the local school and give money to the principal for a field trip, there are always kids who cannot pay for field trips and the teacher usually pays out of pocket. Tell the school secretary that you want to buy a yearbook for a kid that cannot afford one. Feed the teachers breakfast one morning. There are nursing homes in your community that don't have corporate help, they may need blankets. If you don't like people, then drop off old blankets to the animal shelter or give them a cash donation to help poorer families be able to get rabies shots for their pet. And if you have the extra money, then buy real presents for a family you know who needs a Christmas hug. There are opportunities in your neighborhood. Be Santa!
So now you have shopped all year for Christmas and you have nothing else to stress over. Enjoy your Christmas bonus. Enjoy your time off. And maybe go out on Black Friday just to mock people. After all, you did get that Strawberry Shortcake Doll back in October when it was 25 percent off. HA!! You are so cool.
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