Albert's clone

    Albert's family has this tradition: They switch out the dad's first name for his  middle name when the first  son is born. Albert's son would have been named William Albert...had he married any other girl.  It took a few hours to name Jonas. I knew I wanted a "J" name.  William Jonas was born on December 27th swaddled between Christmas and Lilli's birthday.

    Today Jonas turns 9. There is so much to this guy, but his sense of humor is what nakes him stand out. He loves to pull off his shirt and make his stomach dance. He loves to cross his eyes and make you smile. Jonas is not what you call an old soul. Everything he sees is completely new...even if he has seen it 5 times. He says whoa and awesome a lot. He is genuinely amazed at how stuff works. He still loves stuffed animals, pillow pets, and blankets. He also loves video games and movies. It as if Albert was cloned...I rarely see myself in Jonas, but I see him in me. I see everything he has introduced me to. I cannot walk by certain places without remembering who he introduced me to there. He has a big heart. He is loving and forgiving. I hope that never changes. I hope that I continue to learn from him about how exciting each new day is, how challenging things can be made easy if you only look at the with different eyes, and how life is really all about the dance..but I'll keep my shirt on.

~I hope you had the time of your life~

American Women Who Don't Understand Christmas :A Short List

     The American woman is unfortunately displayed in television and movies as a bleached blond who needs more boobage, more jewelry, and more pocketbooks. I, in reality, don't know too many of those women. I know women from varying walks of life and  few of them are super demanding when it comes to what they want. There are 2 other types of American women though that get little attention even though they make us all miserable. Let's discuss.

    1. The  "I don't need your charity, lady" lady.  She is a strong empowered woman who has WORKED and EARNED the right to have what she wants when SHE wants it. She can be spotted carrying a chip around on her shoulder. She is friendly and talkative as long as you don't try to help her. I was in line at the checkout when the lady behind me started ogling the five dollar toy I had on the conveyor belt. It had been on the clearance shelf and I thought it was cute. We discussed where it was and that she was just too tired to go back that far into the electronics department  and get it. I paid for everything and put the toy into a bag of its own, handed it to the cashier and said, "It's hers now. Okay?" You would have thought I spit on the lady the reaction I got. I left the toy, I left the store. My last words were," It's yours! ". There is no thank you from these women. There is only the attitude that they can afford it on their own and they aren't on welfare.  Have we come to this in our society where feminists are so belligerent and egotistical that another mom can't just do for a sister at Christmas time?
     Girls: you can be brave,  you can work, and you can buy your own home without a man. You can cook, clean, fix, buy, sell, and tackle anything. We know this. We got your memo. But if you have no grace when the world steps in to offer you a three dollar cup of coffee or a homemade meal when you are sick then you really better get used to being alone. You may not need a man, but letting other women be nice to you isn't about ego. It's about love. I don't know if you never got love before or if you're just so selfish that you don't want to give any, but that's not how the rest of us work. Get over yourself and let us  enjoy the holidays.

      2.The "I don't deserve anything THAT nice." martyr woman. She is always doing for others. She gets a gift card at Christmas and spends it on the school secretary. Her house is full of cheap stuff that she gets on sale. I once purchased a really nice  (really) housecoat for a friend at Christmas. It was from Victoria's Secret and was very age appropriate and modest. 10 years later it is still in her closet untouched. Rather than giving it away or taking it back she kept it. She says things like,"Ugh, I still cannot believe you wasted your money on me like that. I could never wear something that nice around the house just to wash dishes in."  A few years ago I was given a two hundred dollar watch for Christmas. I took it back. My opinion was that I was a mom. mom's don't need watches much less expensive watches. There are always numerous thank yous from women like these, but they come with a BUT....but I'm not going to use it because it's too special and I'm not. Have we as a society taught women that after giving birth, raising a family, and holding down a job that all they really deserve is more work?
    Girls: If it's a gift then it comes form a place of appreciation. You do stuff. We see you do stuff. You don't have to go buy the new cookware for yourself. we know you aren't  going to buy the awesome Paula Dean cookware, but if we GIVE it to you, why not indulge, use it, love it? I look back o all the nice things I could have had. I look back on all the times I gave up something because I didn't "need" it and it was just too "nice" for me...What does that mean? Ladies if you have a friend that wants to buy you something that's not from the dollar store why can't you appreciate it. Pretty soon the gifts will stop and you will be sad that no one thinks of you.  And more importantly why can you not see that YOU are being appreciated. Buying you stuff and giving you stuff is fun. Just like when you give the school secretary stuff, you think it's fun....it works both ways little momma.

All I'm saying is: as of this year I will stop bitching and moaning about price tags on gifts. I know what I give to others and I usually think that they deserve more. If that is reciprocated then fine. Maybe somebody sees me as deserving. Just because I won't do for myself doesn't mean that I should negate what other people do for me. I will take your PAY IT FORWARD moment, and I will choose to pay it forward also. I will see myself as a good person for giving and I will be a good person when receiving.
Much holiday magic to you and yours...even if yours is a crazy American woman.

We Only Wait Because We Have Hope

    You can legally spell Hanukkah any way you want. It doesn't change what this season means to me.  The story whether real or embellished, myth or magic, is a very soulful story about hope.
    I learned a few years ago about counting. I was in labor and some nurse said something like, "Contractions may last a minute..." she kept talking and I eventually learned that the sentence ended with "...or more and STOP holding your breath. You have to BREATHE!", but I learned that focusing and counting really do help me. I have become so obsessed with it that even when I run I have to time myself. Knowing that I need to do something for 3 minutes helps me have a goal. Counting helps me get through many difficult situations. Focusing on my breathing helps me run better too. Nurses are wise people.

     The Hanukkah story is  about counting also. We count the days that a group of Jews were locked inside their temple waiting for the end to come. We count the days that the oil that is used in the candles lasted, keeping the darkness away. We count the near misses, the what ifs, and the almosts. We count the children, the doughnuts, the presents. Everything  counts and is counted. The real story to me though is the story of hope.The story of a group of people locked inside their temple waiting for their own demise and breathing.
   They  only wait because they have hope. Otherwise they would march right out  there and look the enemy in the face and be destroyed. They wait because they don't want to die. They don't want to lose. They sit and simply breathe.

  This year thanks to the media we have seen tragedy and loss. We have suffered emotionally with stories from all over the world. Maybe suffering with someone else for a little while takes our minds off of our own personal demons and enemies, but eventually we have to make a decision. Do we lock ourselves in our own temples, be they our minds, our schools, our homes, or our jobs; stand our ground and breathe, or do we simply pour out the oil, blow out the candles, open the doors and give up?

   This season is about hope. A hope for something greater than us. A hope that through miracle or coincidence or scientific theory something will change. Something will call off our enemy. Something will happen to give us a glimpse of daylight. You may be struggling with things that I don't know about. You may be struggling with your spouse, your finances, your kids...your enemy could live 3 blocks from you or on the other side of the world. Your enemy may not have even shown his face yet, but I beg of you this: Keep breathing. Give yourself some time be it a day or 2 weeks...just count. Stand your ground and know that somebody is actually coming with a cavalry. Or maybe just a horse...but we can build a cavalry. You have to let us help. "We" are all the people that have built our own temples and have stood our own ground. "We" are those that love you and want to help you build or rebuild. "We" are everywhere.
     Light your candle. Breathe. Count. Just don't give up. (TWLOHA)


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Nesting

    As we start into this lovely season, a season which some of us cannot enjoy without snow, I have to pause and think about the connections I have made this year and what this time of year means. I have went back and forth over the years, even at one point refusing to have a tree, trying to find exactly what it was I wanted for my family during the holiday season. What did I want to teach them? What did I want them to remember? This is all I've got so far:

    We always have a bottled Coke on Christmas Eve. It was Walt's tradition probably dating back to his childhood when Coke was a big deal and the polar bear sold you the concept of a perfect wintry Christmas. We have a friend who still insists on buying us a 6 pack for Christmas  and visits Walt's grave with Coke in hand. My dad believed that Christmas Eve was about Christmas music on bad AM stations and about enjoying the lights, and if you felt any differently then you needed to sit down shut up and enjoy it anyway. My kids have their own traditions for Christmas Eve. They stay up late, snuggled together on a couch or on the floor watching George of the Jungle.

   We began celebrating Chanakkuh a few years ago. It allows the kids a time to read the stories, practice the fine art of dreidle spinning, listen to some really good music and take some time to appreciate their Israeli blood. It's not a time of education but embracing. For some kids Chanakkuh will be forever part of their lives and  for others it will end when they leave home. My job is to try to allow them to see all sides of the season and create their own traditions.

    I like the Christmas Eve gatherings in local churches. My favorite has always been the Midnight Mass just because it is so very formal. There is a stoic beauty in watching the nuns come down the aisle and realizing the sacrifice made during this holiday.

    Personally this time of year really is about the Solstice. I look at the Winter and see how easy we have it today. I think about what this time of year is supposed to be about and it makes me anxious, yet gives me hope. In the years before grocery stores and all night restaurants we would have been a people that took the month off from school and helped mom and dad prepare the home for the cold days ahead. We would have made a last ditch effort to trade firewood for a neighbor's pig. We would have boarded up the house and grabbed our blankets and waited for the cold to pass, hoping that we would survive on the crops we grew and bartered for. We would have each other. We would hold each other. We would essentially "nest".  This is what the holiday is about for me. Taking my children into a warm house and holding on until spring, surviving the longest day and waiting to hear the new birds sing when the sun comes up in Spring. It is a beautiful old holiday dressed in fire, friends, and food. It is a month spent thinking about all we lost and figuring out how to do better next year.  For all the commercialization of this holiday, for how we have trivialized it, I am truly ashamed. It is a time when the world is supposed to stop for a few minutes while we figure out how to be a better group of people.

   No matter how you celebrate the holiday, I will always have a blanket, a Coke, and a copy of George of the Jungle for you.  Because sharing is the real reason for the season. My love to you all  dear friends.~Mama Shey