As I stood at the pulpit looking at a group of people, most of whom I was lucky enough to know, it dawned on me that very few of them knew each other. That's the great thing about funerals, you are surrounded by people that share your grief. The problem is, most often they are strangers, not just to you but to each other. A funeral is a time when the truth of a person's life is exposed. Remember all those movies where the family is at a funeral and the mob shows up? Or maybe the mistress? Or a long lost child arrives to collect the inheritance? Sounds fun and slightly uncomfortable, but really, do we not judge a man by the friends he keeps?
I realized that very few of the people in the congregation the day of Walt's funeral knew each other. They may have known "of" each other, but his really close friends who seemed from my perspective to have a lot in common, didn't know one another. I found my challenge that day , and I have enjoyed testing my priorities over the past year.
My first order of business is to be your friend whether you want me or not. I WILL like you. There is nothing you can do about. I will face book bomb you, I will mail you a card, I will call you at dinnertime. I have telemarketer training. You are screwed. I am here. We are friends. Roll your eyes and get over it. I want to be your friend...but life is hard.
I want my kids to know a few things. In this world that we live in, it is hard enough to make a marriage work. Two people who live together and have the opportunities to see each other daily still cannot make time for each other. I am raising numerous kids and am grateful for a man who takes his turn with them. They go to movies, they go out to eat, they go on vacations without me. There is some bonding going on there somewhere. But somewhere between work, marriage and family I want to make time for friends. I don't want to wait until I am retired to make friends a priority.
Years ago I dated a guy who travelled extensively. He was rarely at home and commented that I was so lucky to live in the same town I grew up in. I had real connections, deep friendships, I had a community. In all honesty, he made me want to cry because I had none of that. I was young and I didn't have any of what he spoke of. He changed my way of seeing my world. Yes, I loved my job but it really was where I got my social needs met. It wasn't just a job it was my life.
As you grow older and leave high school you will be drawn back to your hometown and to the people that you grew up with. I hope that you won't see them in that same high school drama filled bright white light that you were so used to. I hope that you take time and get to know them as adults. You need friends, and I need friends. You nor I need to be one of those last minute friends that show up when things get bad and talk about all the regrets, but real friends. This means that you have to make an effort. I know someone who says, "Well, so and so never calls, so I guess they are done with me." You have to be a friend, not just be on the receiving end of friendship. This becomes harder and more apparent as you get older. Make time.
Now, for the diabolical part: I want my friends to know one another. From now on when you come home from the grocery store you will not say,"Hey, I saw Mama Shey's friend today." No, from now on you will say, "Hey! I saw MY friend at the store." How awesome. I want my friends to hang out together. I want a world where I introduce you to each other and a new friendship grows. There is no end to the friendships available at my fingertips. That game of 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon is funny...but I would prefer something along the lines of 3 degrees of Mama Shey. I know this will take hard work on my part. Being a friend is a full time job, but it's what I want and I want to set that example for my kids. In high school we are relegated to Team Nerd, or the Band Geeks, or the Cheerleaders but as we grow up we need to see that we have surrounded ourselves with people we like, why shouldn't they like each other? Why do we still categorize our friends as those I play cards with or those I go shopping with? And when someone reaches out to try and be your friend, don't judge them. Just give them a chance.
And when it comes time to congregate at my funeral, I hope you don't all fight over who gets to sit where, but more importantly, I hope nobody has to be introduced.
Great friendships can be built by someone who sees the potential in you to brighten their day. ~Mama Shey.
No comments:
Post a Comment