If we read a little more into this quote and take some liberties, we could continue on and say..."or see an America full of apathetic, spoiled elitists." I would like to apply this quote to our struggles with Christianity, and ask: Have we become apathetic, spoiled elitists when it comes to our relationship with G-d.? When I speak of G-d I would hope that you would understand that I want you to insert your G-d or your religion into the conversation. I certainly do respect your struggles with whatever religion or deity you have in your life, but I have to reference Christianity since I live in the South, and it is what I have grown up knowing. If G-d is an abstract to you, then please take this conversation for what is worth, and see my side. I would like to describe here what I want for my children in regards to their religious life.
Walt taught me to read by making me sit with him 30 minutes a night and read the Bible out loud. He did this until I was in my teens. Most nights it probably seemed like punishment to a kid, but I I developed a decent vocabulary and understood Shakespeare at 12.
If we apply the Thomas Paine quote to my life, I was most definitely handed G-d. As with my freedom as an American citizen, I believed everyone was or should be a Christian and everyone understood Christian tenants. I also believed that Christianity was the original religion and that Bible stories were "true". I had a very special relationship with that G-d. It was one in which I saw him as a father, and I talked to him as such. I was one of G-d's spoiled children. As long as I invoked the name of G-d then my parents, friends, church and community were appeased. If you believe that you are doing everything for G-d then people tend to back off. No one questions you, maybe because they respect you, or because they think you're just crazy..... Hardcore Christians have the attitude that it is better not to have friends than have the wrong friends. Basically, I didn't have enough people around me to even care why people never questioned me.
And then I met my thirties. I had returned to college and somehow fell in with the liberal intellectual professors. I was so intimidated. I sent most of my time thinking that they would find out what a phony I was and eat me alive. Horror is the only word for it. I didn't understand their conversations. They taught chemistry and environmental studies, time lines and eras. I was so confused and confounded I usually just came home and cried, but then I would read, and read...I couldn't fill myself up fast enough with the words. Then came philosophy. My mind was turned upside down. Reading Descartes's Discourse was not required reading, but I found some hope through the struggle. Philosophers were honest. They spoke of where the intangible meets the tangible. I found myself having a lot of "what if" conversations with my professors.
I spent the next year in sociology and developed a love affair with the study of cults. I also began studying ancient religions as a way to understand how Christianity developed and how cults grow. Zoroastrianism and Egyptology were the cornerstone of my education. I developed a relationship with Buddhism, a non-religion, that helped me to understand the teachings of the Christ.
Pieces of the puzzle were falling into place, but I lived with a deep anger too. I went to what I can only call "home". I sought out Sam, Tammie, and Chuck. The answers were : 1) look at the evidence. 2) pray it out, even if you have to yell it out. 3) find the intimacy in the struggle.
What I know now is that at the end of my 3 years wrestling, I felt like a butterfly. I understood freedom. I also had a beautiful outlook and a much better disposition. I emerged knowing what G-d was to me. I also emerged knowing that G-d doesn't mass produce relationships. We cannot project ourselves inside another person and assume that we know what they need from G-d or understand what part of G-d they see. To believe that you can know G-d the way I do is to believe that you will know my children the way I do. It is a spoiled elitist attitude that lets you believe that. And on the opposite side, I cannot fathom what goes on between you and the G-d you see.
For my children, I choose an education. Religion is what you learn. I want them to learn about the Mormons right alongside photosynthesis. I want them to understand what religion is and why people need it. I cannot force G-d upon them. I choose to gently show them, ask them and encourage them. I also have a habit of telling them "don't bring religion into this." Religion can ruin a lot. What I want is for them to see all sides of G-d and get to know themselves. I know they pray. They tell me they pray. I know they worship, I have seen them worship...what I do not require is for you or anyone else to watch them perform. They don't need to stand, kneel and bow in your presence to prove that they are working on their relationship with G-d. They don't need me to sprinkle their heads so I feel confident about their afterlife. You nor I judge them. They are expected to have a walk with G-d, and never to get comfortable. I don't ever want to be comfortable. I never want to assume that I can finish G-d's sentences.
Tim Gunn says "Don't over design." Well, My problem was that I let everyone's hands in to touch my spiritual walk, and I never got to see the real design. I hope that I can stay out of my kids' way while they are working on trimming the weeds, and bushwhacking the brush that will be their struggle to find G-d. And I hope that perhaps I will one day be "home" to them.
Beautiful.
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