There are no Least Favorites

   I am again faced with the, "I am not your favorite child" syndrome. Life is hard for kids, especially the teenage ones. It's hard for parents too who are trying to make everyone in the house happy. I've learned that I will never make everybody happy at once, my only goal has been to make sure that only one is unhappy at a time. When the kids were smaller we would play a game . Before I would take them into a store I would say, "Okay, it's (name of kid)'s turn to misbehave. Everybody would smile and laugh and they would spend time trying to figure out how the kid would misbehave. All tension was alleviated. I didn't have to worry about temper tantrums or fights, they knew that somebody "could" in theory misbehave. Of course, they didn't. As they have gotten older I have seen this play out on a bigger scope. If one is having a meltdown or giving me grief then the others just walk away. I am lucky that it comes in cycles. I can have 3 months of fighting with one kid and then suddenly there will be a break in the clouds, everything aligns and we are back to normal. Then another one will get under my skin. We have a rotating door here.
    My inability to make children happy really doesn't have anything to do with how many children I have. It comes from that place that tells kids that they are the underdogs and that they aren't getting enough attention...or stuff. I think all families go through this.  Kids, being the favorite in a house is really dependent upon your own personality. At times you are involved in sports or some after school program and you come home and you have stories to tell. You come home proud of yourself and  wanting to talk about how awesome your day was , and this leads to bonding. When someone walks through the front door with a, "Did you hear..." then of course they get attention. Parents seem to have favorites because they either love the kids that bring them adventure or they love the kids that bring them safety. The favorite one seems to change about every six months as personalities change, interests change, life broadens.
    There are no least favorites though.  I guess I always thought that all children wanted to see themselves as beautiful and wanted. The truth is that some kids are predisposed to believe that they are somehow lacking. I don't think that it has anything to do with being the middle kid or the third boy, I think some are just naturally self aware of their differences and they magnify those differences. It's not mom or dad who see you as the least favorite. You are throwing your own shadows in that situation.
   We have always taken the time to try and do something special with each kid. With Lilli I have tried to bring her into my world of long walks . I have tried to make sure she is surrounded by women that she can talk to and can hang out with.  Michael has band and  sci-fi conventions. Sam has theme parks and movies. Jonas  food, movies,  and camping out in mom's room. Tika has dance -offs and Chuck E Cheese.  The truth is that it doesn't matter what we do as parents we will never do enough. Rich kids are unhappy. Poor kids are unhappy. Mom is either working and never home or mom is way too far in their business. Guess what? It's not all mom's fault. The underlying reason that kids are unhappy is : they are kids. They are struggling to be just like us while not being anything like us. They want their freedom and their own ideologies while coming home to a safe place with unlimited food. It's called growing up and some of us don't achieve that until 30. Some of us, I guess will never reconcile what mom did and didn't do right. Some of us will always want to be unhappy. As a parent I just have to force conversations, be reasonable, and yell occasionally. Apparently if I don't yell it translates to I don't care. All I know is I can't win.
   In reality, maybe it's mom who needs the pity party because she is definitely the least favorite. Unless there are cookies involved. Geez.  Can't we just agree to be happily miserable together?