So, here's a little info to get you through your Thanksgiving and Black Friday shopping.
1. The lady working on aisle 9 left her home at 7:00 p.m. to clock in at 7:30. She will work all Thanksgiving night and get home at 5:00a.m. Be nice to her or else.
2. If "Be the change you want to see in the world" is your mantra: You shouldn't be shopping. But if you are you better be the one in that 20 minute checkout line singing Holly Jolly Christmas. Or else.
3. Do not give the checkout lady a hard time about 50 cents or 2 dollars. Not if you're saving 30 bucks. There are scanners alllll over the store. Price check yourself before you get in line or be prepared to accept that measly 2 dollar difference. There are 15 people behind you. Get over it.
4. I don't really care if you're out shopping because this is THE MOST WONDERFUL SPECTACULAR AMAZING SEASON EVER!!!!! or if you're shopping for baby Jesus. If you don't hold the door for grandma or offer to help the lady with a screaming child get out to her car you are a jackass.
5. You're going to have to eat. Don't tell me you just saved 120 dollars on "stuff" then not tip your waitress. She doesn't even get Christmas off. Tip the waitress really reallly well. Or else.
6. So, you went and got yourself a babysitter? Wow. Guess what, mom? The lady on aisle 3 doesn't have that luxury, but really wanted to experience this American tradition. When you hear her baby wailing please remember that your baby is at home wailing at Grandma because he wants more candy, he wants TV time, he wants to stay up late, he wants his mommy. Cut people some slack. If baby Jesus cried you would tell Mary, 'Hey, It means you have a baby. A real life beautiful, warm, healthy baby. Crying is natural." Do not forget to be gentle with people.
7. 3 hours ago you were holding hands and praying with Aunt Betsy about everything under the sun that you were thankful for. And now, now you have your hand stuck to a 300 dollar computer that you could have bought in March for 289 and you are daring anybody to touch it. Remember to be thankful that you live in a country where money and stuff is so readily available.
8. If you go out and use a charge card you didn't save a penny. If you can't do the math on interest rates and monthly payments, you get what you get in life. You get debt for Christmas. Congratulations!!
9. If you see someone struggling with money, do the right thing. The words, "You need this more than I do." are more important now than ever before.
10. If you find yourself cursing......go home. It will all be there Dec. 22nd. and probably cheaper.
11. have fun. be safe. don't yell at people. don't forget to call home to let the people that love you know you are alright.
Whatever you are doing, do it for the right reasons. And sing. You better sing. (or else)
Monday, November 19, 2012
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Who are You in Her Time of Need?
The phone rang last night. Lilli was already in bed and me and the boys were watching X Files. My aunt was on the other end. She wanted to know if I could come down for a few minutes and look at some clothes that my kids might be able to use. I walked down the hill and entered her living room to find bags of clothes everywhere. Clothes were being was sorted into very very small piles, and one very large one. The large pile was clothes that they couldn't use.
A friend's trailer burned. They lost everything. They lost their dog. There is no way to describe the soul stripping pain of such an event, but then, there is a way to add insult to injury.
Growing up with the dad that I had was enlightening. Maybe he didn't finish college but he was pretty smart. I remember this time of year with Walt because he would always make special trips to the grocery store to buy food for the church's food pantry. He mostly went because he felt he needed to make up for all the crap other people left in the pantry. He once found a jar of caviar. Another time he found some super tiny really expensive jars of jam. People literally were "dumping" their Thanksgiving food or Christmas presents that they didn't want into the pantry. This made Walt livid to say the least. I was taken through the grocery store and shown what was appropriate to buy. "You don't buy dented cans. You don't buy food that has been opened and then taped back closed. You give ONLY, do you hear me, ONLY what you yourself would eat." He taught me about powdered milk and how we always are to buy coffee for the pantry because elderly people may not eat breakfast but they will at least have coffee.
I learned from Walt that just because we won't or can't wear it anymore doesn't mean somebody else wants to. There is a difference between things we give to Good Will and things that should hit the trash can. This time of year especially when we are supposed to care for the orphans and the elderly why are we giving them things that aren't good enough for us? Why are we treating them like animals and saying, "Well this is better than nothing" In some cases, no, we should have really stuck with nothing. I opened my own door one day and found a few bags of nondescript food. The boxes weren't labeled. Bags of rice were full but opened and stapled back together. It would have been of more use just to give me the five dollars that was spent on that stuff. I was really hurt that someone thought so little of me and my kids...all the while patting themselves on the back for being a do-gooder. I wouldn't dare feed my kids food that was opened. You're kidding right? And cans without labels...?? please tell me what that's about.
As I sat in my aunt's living room my heart was breaking. Sure, people were giving bags of clothes to a family in need , but there were boots on the floor that only a 2 year old could wear. No one asked or cared about sizes. No one asked or cared what gender the kids were. I appreciated whole heartily what was given to me knowing that they were going to make another trip to ECCCM tomorrow to give up what they couldn't use, but really people: The poor and needy are not your dumping ground. If you're giving them shoes with holes or shoes without mates you aren't getting any G-d points.
G-d wants us to build our houses on rocks? Okay. Then help me find mine. Help the poor, the homeless, the needy identify their rocks. For some it is a ruby. For others, an emerald. Some like marble and others want limestone. The problem is the do-gooders who believe that some of us only deserve asphalt. Every time you give less than what you yourself would eat or wear you are making it abundantly clear that you don't have any respect for me or see the value in me that you see in yourself.
Each time you help someone find their own rock to build on , treating them as if they are gifts from G-d, then you are building up another human being to go out into the world and heal, help, and build. You are not just teaching them to see themselves as worthy, but you are helping them discover beauty in others. We all deserve rocks. It's just abundantly clear how many people have sand handy.
A friend's trailer burned. They lost everything. They lost their dog. There is no way to describe the soul stripping pain of such an event, but then, there is a way to add insult to injury.
Growing up with the dad that I had was enlightening. Maybe he didn't finish college but he was pretty smart. I remember this time of year with Walt because he would always make special trips to the grocery store to buy food for the church's food pantry. He mostly went because he felt he needed to make up for all the crap other people left in the pantry. He once found a jar of caviar. Another time he found some super tiny really expensive jars of jam. People literally were "dumping" their Thanksgiving food or Christmas presents that they didn't want into the pantry. This made Walt livid to say the least. I was taken through the grocery store and shown what was appropriate to buy. "You don't buy dented cans. You don't buy food that has been opened and then taped back closed. You give ONLY, do you hear me, ONLY what you yourself would eat." He taught me about powdered milk and how we always are to buy coffee for the pantry because elderly people may not eat breakfast but they will at least have coffee.
I learned from Walt that just because we won't or can't wear it anymore doesn't mean somebody else wants to. There is a difference between things we give to Good Will and things that should hit the trash can. This time of year especially when we are supposed to care for the orphans and the elderly why are we giving them things that aren't good enough for us? Why are we treating them like animals and saying, "Well this is better than nothing" In some cases, no, we should have really stuck with nothing. I opened my own door one day and found a few bags of nondescript food. The boxes weren't labeled. Bags of rice were full but opened and stapled back together. It would have been of more use just to give me the five dollars that was spent on that stuff. I was really hurt that someone thought so little of me and my kids...all the while patting themselves on the back for being a do-gooder. I wouldn't dare feed my kids food that was opened. You're kidding right? And cans without labels...?? please tell me what that's about.
As I sat in my aunt's living room my heart was breaking. Sure, people were giving bags of clothes to a family in need , but there were boots on the floor that only a 2 year old could wear. No one asked or cared about sizes. No one asked or cared what gender the kids were. I appreciated whole heartily what was given to me knowing that they were going to make another trip to ECCCM tomorrow to give up what they couldn't use, but really people: The poor and needy are not your dumping ground. If you're giving them shoes with holes or shoes without mates you aren't getting any G-d points.
G-d wants us to build our houses on rocks? Okay. Then help me find mine. Help the poor, the homeless, the needy identify their rocks. For some it is a ruby. For others, an emerald. Some like marble and others want limestone. The problem is the do-gooders who believe that some of us only deserve asphalt. Every time you give less than what you yourself would eat or wear you are making it abundantly clear that you don't have any respect for me or see the value in me that you see in yourself.
Each time you help someone find their own rock to build on , treating them as if they are gifts from G-d, then you are building up another human being to go out into the world and heal, help, and build. You are not just teaching them to see themselves as worthy, but you are helping them discover beauty in others. We all deserve rocks. It's just abundantly clear how many people have sand handy.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Willpower and Lipstick
It started with a lump in my breast. Then came a year of startling revelations. I didn't want to have cancer and I didn't want to die holding a son that would never remember his mommy. I was scared and heartbroken. In the end a quick simple out patient procedure found nothing abnormal, but I had decisions to make. Did I want anymore children? The answer was no. Having kids was wonderful, but the thought of leaving one behind that couldn't write his name much less pronounce mine was crushing. After much, much, much deliberation it was decided that my husband would have a vasectomy. It would be a selfless act on his part.
And then we waited. day 4, day 12, day 22, day 29.....sigh.....It was day 29 that did it.
I was in a raw panic. Sheer torture. What the hell just happened.
Day 104. Albert say "I was wondering when you were going to tell me...."
She came into the world bringing with her a softness I had never seen. A beauty and gentleness that I had never allowed myself to tap into. She was plump and round and glowing. It took hours to name her. She was so very tiny. Her willpower brought her here. And nothing has been the same since. They say that some children bring families together. She reminds us every day that she is the center of our universe.
Alice is quick witted, even tempered, and loyal. The problem is that she is so very different from me and Lilli that sometimes we are out of our element with her. And unfortunately we don't get a say so about it. When she was 2 we were looking through a magazine. She found a picture of Diane Kruger (Helen of Troy). Alice points and says, "Do you think that's my real mommy?" She has always been fascinated with trying to find and bond with her own people. We may pass a make-up counter and have to stop because she found some stunning blond that she needs to get to know. She talks consistently about a door on the other side of the sun that leads back to her own world. Alice may love us but I know that she feels urged on by something deeper that wants her to go, meet, grab, grasp, soar. She is looking for those that aren't just lovely on the outside but have the same willpower: The generous of spirit, the rah-rahs that cheer you on regardless of the score, those that believe in fairies and magic. She knows she is fabulous but she questions why we don't see ourselves that way.
I have found a new love of lipstick, make-up, high heels, nail polish, and Reese Peanut Butter Cups thanks to this tiny loud mouthed charmer. She reminds me each day that you need to wear something that makes you look pretty. You need to feel pretty. You need to feel worthy. What is keeping you from smiling when there is so much music playing? What is holding you back and killing your willpower? I will forever be grateful to day 29 and the abundance of life it brought when I thought I was done with new life. I have gone from being the younger mom in the elementary school to being the older. I have gone from hating breakfast to understanding that there is a deep spiritual bond found in sausage and chocolate cake at 7.30 in the morning. I have remembered why it's so important to pray over the flowers after they are planted and talk to them as they grow in sweltering heat. I have had to stop and talk to people that I have nothing in common with because she finds them interesting and worthy.
We are all beautiful, interesting and worthy. You have your own willpower and why the hell don't you wear lipstick when you're angry? It really does make you less angry.... And don't forget to eat your chocolate.
Happy Birthday Tika Rae.
And then we waited. day 4, day 12, day 22, day 29.....sigh.....It was day 29 that did it.
I was in a raw panic. Sheer torture. What the hell just happened.
Day 104. Albert say "I was wondering when you were going to tell me...."
She came into the world bringing with her a softness I had never seen. A beauty and gentleness that I had never allowed myself to tap into. She was plump and round and glowing. It took hours to name her. She was so very tiny. Her willpower brought her here. And nothing has been the same since. They say that some children bring families together. She reminds us every day that she is the center of our universe.
Alice is quick witted, even tempered, and loyal. The problem is that she is so very different from me and Lilli that sometimes we are out of our element with her. And unfortunately we don't get a say so about it. When she was 2 we were looking through a magazine. She found a picture of Diane Kruger (Helen of Troy). Alice points and says, "Do you think that's my real mommy?" She has always been fascinated with trying to find and bond with her own people. We may pass a make-up counter and have to stop because she found some stunning blond that she needs to get to know. She talks consistently about a door on the other side of the sun that leads back to her own world. Alice may love us but I know that she feels urged on by something deeper that wants her to go, meet, grab, grasp, soar. She is looking for those that aren't just lovely on the outside but have the same willpower: The generous of spirit, the rah-rahs that cheer you on regardless of the score, those that believe in fairies and magic. She knows she is fabulous but she questions why we don't see ourselves that way.
I have found a new love of lipstick, make-up, high heels, nail polish, and Reese Peanut Butter Cups thanks to this tiny loud mouthed charmer. She reminds me each day that you need to wear something that makes you look pretty. You need to feel pretty. You need to feel worthy. What is keeping you from smiling when there is so much music playing? What is holding you back and killing your willpower? I will forever be grateful to day 29 and the abundance of life it brought when I thought I was done with new life. I have gone from being the younger mom in the elementary school to being the older. I have gone from hating breakfast to understanding that there is a deep spiritual bond found in sausage and chocolate cake at 7.30 in the morning. I have remembered why it's so important to pray over the flowers after they are planted and talk to them as they grow in sweltering heat. I have had to stop and talk to people that I have nothing in common with because she finds them interesting and worthy.
We are all beautiful, interesting and worthy. You have your own willpower and why the hell don't you wear lipstick when you're angry? It really does make you less angry.... And don't forget to eat your chocolate.
Happy Birthday Tika Rae.
Friday, October 5, 2012
you have to want it
I had this dream last night that I was in the van with Lilli. I was driving, but I was struggling to see out every window. I finally realized it was because the steering wheel was in the back seat. The brakes were in the driver's seat, and I couldn't see out the appropriately placed mirrors. It was a moment of panic for me as I careened through beautiful downtown Newton.
When Michael was born he had a rare heart problem. Supra ventricular tachycardia. His heart beat too too fast. He was taken to Winston Salem at 10 days old to stay in the Brenner Children's Hospital in the PICU unit. Things were difficult. Treatment at times seemed barbaric. He did not get better after 3 days, 4 days...it just seemed bizarre that this 10 pound baby could be "sick". I sat down one day beside of him and said these words, "You have to want this. I can't do anything for you. You have to WANT to live. I want you here, but I can't solve this problem. This isn't about me anymore. This is completely out of my hands. This is between you and g-d and you have to WANT to live. You have to WANT to fight. I love you and I will be here for you, but I can't want this enough for both of us. You have to have a passion to survive. I have to make peace with this today and know that you have the willpower to decide something."
I can assure you that Michael doesn't remember the words that I said, but every year Michael walks into my life and says, "Hey, I'm gonna go do...." Sometimes he ends the sentence with bowling. Sometimes it's baseball. Sometimes it's the Bill Gates School of Health and Science. I never know what he is going to do next. I only know that he trusts his visceral. He instinctively knows what is good for him. It's an understanding that we have in this house that Michael knows what's best for Michael and I rarely cross the line in telling he can or can't do anything.
So, why am I driving the car from the backseat? Sometimes we want to physically take our children somewhere. Sometimes we think we know what is best. The truth is that when we overstep our bounds and tell our kids who they "need" to be then we are getting into the backseat. The kid isn't driving the car, but neither are we. I have been given things all my life. Whether it was money or jobs or clothes, but what did those things mean to me at the time? Probably not a lot. I learned in my thirties that I have to truly thirst for something for it to have meaning. You can't tell me how to live and then expect me to respect you. Control of somebody else just isn't the answer. If they can't hear their own voice over yours then there is a serious problem. And neither of you is going to be able to reach the brakes.
~Self control is a wonderful thing, but you'll never learn it if nobody ever gives you control over yourself. Make a decision, even a wrong one, but make one for yourself and do it today. ~Mama Shey.
When Michael was born he had a rare heart problem. Supra ventricular tachycardia. His heart beat too too fast. He was taken to Winston Salem at 10 days old to stay in the Brenner Children's Hospital in the PICU unit. Things were difficult. Treatment at times seemed barbaric. He did not get better after 3 days, 4 days...it just seemed bizarre that this 10 pound baby could be "sick". I sat down one day beside of him and said these words, "You have to want this. I can't do anything for you. You have to WANT to live. I want you here, but I can't solve this problem. This isn't about me anymore. This is completely out of my hands. This is between you and g-d and you have to WANT to live. You have to WANT to fight. I love you and I will be here for you, but I can't want this enough for both of us. You have to have a passion to survive. I have to make peace with this today and know that you have the willpower to decide something."
I can assure you that Michael doesn't remember the words that I said, but every year Michael walks into my life and says, "Hey, I'm gonna go do...." Sometimes he ends the sentence with bowling. Sometimes it's baseball. Sometimes it's the Bill Gates School of Health and Science. I never know what he is going to do next. I only know that he trusts his visceral. He instinctively knows what is good for him. It's an understanding that we have in this house that Michael knows what's best for Michael and I rarely cross the line in telling he can or can't do anything.
So, why am I driving the car from the backseat? Sometimes we want to physically take our children somewhere. Sometimes we think we know what is best. The truth is that when we overstep our bounds and tell our kids who they "need" to be then we are getting into the backseat. The kid isn't driving the car, but neither are we. I have been given things all my life. Whether it was money or jobs or clothes, but what did those things mean to me at the time? Probably not a lot. I learned in my thirties that I have to truly thirst for something for it to have meaning. You can't tell me how to live and then expect me to respect you. Control of somebody else just isn't the answer. If they can't hear their own voice over yours then there is a serious problem. And neither of you is going to be able to reach the brakes.
~Self control is a wonderful thing, but you'll never learn it if nobody ever gives you control over yourself. Make a decision, even a wrong one, but make one for yourself and do it today. ~Mama Shey.
Thursday, September 20, 2012
An Accidental Changing
As some of you know, a few months ago we had an ordeal with Lil's gallbladder. It had to come out. What happened to me on a personal level during this 2 month adventure was unexpected. I hope that you can hear my side and understand that this isn't coming from a "preachy" standpoint. This is just me letting you know that something changed.
Lil couldn't eat meat. Not because of how it made her feel but because of how sick to her stomach she got just by smelling meat or sometimes even seeing it. A lot of her weight loss probably came from the fact that she was no longer eating those "stick to your ribs" meals that Southerns cook so well. Meat was slowly taken out of our household to show solidarity to her. By slowly I mean we ate what we had without buying new. Over the past 4 months I have seen myself go from having 8 to 10 servings of meat in a week (mostly chicken) to having 5-7 servings a month. I was not prepared to do this, there was no thought in this at all, but I would like to tell you what is and isn't different.
1. The story that vegetarians tell you about dropping red meat from your diet and instantly losing a dress size is painful for me to hear. I have lost no weight at all, probably because I am over 30 and HORMONES play a bigger role in my life than food. So, no....I haven't changed physically.
2. Is meat still in my house? Yes. I have come to the point that I cannot fathom eating most meat, chicken just makes me ill to look at it. I can now have it in the house and not be tempted to eat it. I just plain don't want to.
3 What are my 6 serving a month looking like? I eat 1 hamburger every 2 weeks and a BBQ sandwich once a week. I enjoy the heck out of those sandwiches. They taste completely different now and (remember I am cooking them at home, not eating out) I can taste every nuance the BBQ has. Yum!!
4. Why do things taste different? Well, there is a huge amount of sodium not sticking to my palate lately and when the kids get fries at a fast food place I sometimes feel as if the salt sits on my tongue for hours. It is really gross. Your taste buds change and some food just gets better and some food doesn't.
5. Am I eating healthier? Heck no. Have you met me? I still eat fish and rice everyday at lunch and I still love a baked potato and bread. Nothing has changed other than the amount of meat.
6. How do I feel physically? I have to admit, I don't take aspirin the way I used to. The headaches are pretty much gone. PMS is pretty much manageable. I feel like I have more energy and my mind goes at a thousand miles per hour some days. Some days my thoughts just zoom zoom zoom. It's kinda weird but not in a bad way. If I do eat a bite of steak or something....I have tried. Over the 4th I went to a cookout and ate some steak. It was a bad idea. My body just can't process it like it used to and the stomach cramps are very real.
7. Do the kids participate in this lifestyle? No. Tika loves sausage. Tika gets whatever she wants.
8. We definitely are not saving money. Having more fruits and vegetables in the house is more expensive
I have to admit that if you told me a year ago that I would not want chicken I would have laughed and laughed. The truth is we never know why people change or what spurs a change. I hope that if you find yourself becoming a different person than you imagined you were that you would share the reasons. Tolerance only comes from understanding some one's motivation.
Much love you guys.
Lil couldn't eat meat. Not because of how it made her feel but because of how sick to her stomach she got just by smelling meat or sometimes even seeing it. A lot of her weight loss probably came from the fact that she was no longer eating those "stick to your ribs" meals that Southerns cook so well. Meat was slowly taken out of our household to show solidarity to her. By slowly I mean we ate what we had without buying new. Over the past 4 months I have seen myself go from having 8 to 10 servings of meat in a week (mostly chicken) to having 5-7 servings a month. I was not prepared to do this, there was no thought in this at all, but I would like to tell you what is and isn't different.
1. The story that vegetarians tell you about dropping red meat from your diet and instantly losing a dress size is painful for me to hear. I have lost no weight at all, probably because I am over 30 and HORMONES play a bigger role in my life than food. So, no....I haven't changed physically.
2. Is meat still in my house? Yes. I have come to the point that I cannot fathom eating most meat, chicken just makes me ill to look at it. I can now have it in the house and not be tempted to eat it. I just plain don't want to.
3 What are my 6 serving a month looking like? I eat 1 hamburger every 2 weeks and a BBQ sandwich once a week. I enjoy the heck out of those sandwiches. They taste completely different now and (remember I am cooking them at home, not eating out) I can taste every nuance the BBQ has. Yum!!
4. Why do things taste different? Well, there is a huge amount of sodium not sticking to my palate lately and when the kids get fries at a fast food place I sometimes feel as if the salt sits on my tongue for hours. It is really gross. Your taste buds change and some food just gets better and some food doesn't.
5. Am I eating healthier? Heck no. Have you met me? I still eat fish and rice everyday at lunch and I still love a baked potato and bread. Nothing has changed other than the amount of meat.
6. How do I feel physically? I have to admit, I don't take aspirin the way I used to. The headaches are pretty much gone. PMS is pretty much manageable. I feel like I have more energy and my mind goes at a thousand miles per hour some days. Some days my thoughts just zoom zoom zoom. It's kinda weird but not in a bad way. If I do eat a bite of steak or something....I have tried. Over the 4th I went to a cookout and ate some steak. It was a bad idea. My body just can't process it like it used to and the stomach cramps are very real.
7. Do the kids participate in this lifestyle? No. Tika loves sausage. Tika gets whatever she wants.
8. We definitely are not saving money. Having more fruits and vegetables in the house is more expensive
I have to admit that if you told me a year ago that I would not want chicken I would have laughed and laughed. The truth is we never know why people change or what spurs a change. I hope that if you find yourself becoming a different person than you imagined you were that you would share the reasons. Tolerance only comes from understanding some one's motivation.
Much love you guys.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
If a genius can do it...
The house is eerily quiet today. Everyone has returned to school and I sit here in a dark room hoping that they will all be good and reap the reward of an educational system filled with friends and family. I have time, after 6 weeks of a house full of noise and light and movement, to reflect on what I really want for these kids who have immersed themselves in words, facts, and numbers. What I want is simple.
I began re-reading "A Brief History of Time" or what I like to call the physicist's bible the other day. I sat in my bedroom with tears in my eyes just reading Hawking's acknowledgement pages. What most people don't know about Hawking is that he has 3 children of his own. He credits them and openly pens the book for his wife Jane ( they have since divorced). What I find in those pages is someone who thanks everyone. This book was published back in 1988 . The Stephen Hawking that we see on the page is open and kind and gracious. He thanks his students above all else. Hawking lost his voice due to a bout of pneumonia and it was a student who took time and energy to find Hawking a computer that allowed him to speak. Hawking makes it very clear that his students were reliable, considerate, and loyal. What I see when I read the first 2 pages of this great book is the kind of man who let people help him and then gave them thanks. Public thanks.
As school starts again I would hope that students and teachers learn to openly acknowledge the help they receive from one another. To build a classroom is a difficult job. To incorporate children into that classroom can sometimes seem a lost cause. The invitation to chaos and mutiny is always lurking. I hope that as my children go back to school they take pride in their work, sign their name to their work, take credit, even fighting ferociously to claim what is theirs; but I hope also that they realize how much help has been given. No man is yet an island, even though some us desperately want to be and try to be. Acknowledge your help. Appreciate the wisdom of your elders and the energy of the children.
If you want to succeed you first have to learn to listen to yourself. Be motivated by the excitement within you, but allow others to make you better and stronger. Open that door and allow others to push you farther than you could have gone alone...and then thank them publicly.
~If you don't take credit for an idea, then sadly it becomes someone else's. Fight for what is yours, then be liberal with the thanks.~Mama Shey.
I began re-reading "A Brief History of Time" or what I like to call the physicist's bible the other day. I sat in my bedroom with tears in my eyes just reading Hawking's acknowledgement pages. What most people don't know about Hawking is that he has 3 children of his own. He credits them and openly pens the book for his wife Jane ( they have since divorced). What I find in those pages is someone who thanks everyone. This book was published back in 1988 . The Stephen Hawking that we see on the page is open and kind and gracious. He thanks his students above all else. Hawking lost his voice due to a bout of pneumonia and it was a student who took time and energy to find Hawking a computer that allowed him to speak. Hawking makes it very clear that his students were reliable, considerate, and loyal. What I see when I read the first 2 pages of this great book is the kind of man who let people help him and then gave them thanks. Public thanks.
As school starts again I would hope that students and teachers learn to openly acknowledge the help they receive from one another. To build a classroom is a difficult job. To incorporate children into that classroom can sometimes seem a lost cause. The invitation to chaos and mutiny is always lurking. I hope that as my children go back to school they take pride in their work, sign their name to their work, take credit, even fighting ferociously to claim what is theirs; but I hope also that they realize how much help has been given. No man is yet an island, even though some us desperately want to be and try to be. Acknowledge your help. Appreciate the wisdom of your elders and the energy of the children.
If you want to succeed you first have to learn to listen to yourself. Be motivated by the excitement within you, but allow others to make you better and stronger. Open that door and allow others to push you farther than you could have gone alone...and then thank them publicly.
~If you don't take credit for an idea, then sadly it becomes someone else's. Fight for what is yours, then be liberal with the thanks.~Mama Shey.
Friday, June 29, 2012
matching bracelets
When a baby is born mother and child are given matching bracelets. These bracelets become the temporary new umbilical cord that binds the two. When mom returns home with baby the bracelets come off. The cutting off of the bracelets symbolizes a seperation; an understanding that as of today baby will be seen as a whole person preparing and learning to live life without being bound or dependent on anyone. It is mom's job to always remind baby that she is an individual. As a parent I have always looked forward to seeing my children get into a car or find a job. I want to see them develope their individuality and basically get out in the world. I want them to like me but not be bound to me. Independence and free thought are two rare and precious gifts and I hope I have given them these things.
Today, however; I am sitting in a hospital waiting room once again wearing a bracelet that ties me to my baby. She is in surgery, and once again, I find myself waiting for the emergence of her tiny life back into mine.
Five weeks ago she came home complaining of pain in her side. For five weeks we have ruled out nearly every organ she has as the cause of her pain. She has had two tests on her gallbladder, two tests on her liver, a CT Scan, and a nuclear medicine test called a gastronimical emptying test that required her to eat radioactive eggs. She has been to Urgent Care, the ER, the imaging center and back again to the hospital for day surgery twice. She has been hysterical, worried, sleepless, tired, anxious and stressed.
(It is 10:00 a.m. and the nurse just texted that the patient is doing well....all while the Supreme Court is in the background ruling on ObamaCare).
The gallbladder is a tricky business. It causes pain and causes weight lose. It is literally the thorn in the side. My daughter is strong ad private and watching her struggle with vunerability has been difficult. She would love to be able to beat this thing alone. She would love to stop being jabbed with needles, touched, moved, labeled...and sadly, nobody can do this but her.
As I sit here waiting, bound to her once again through a bracelet, I am reminded of her favorite movie, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I view the hospital the same way that the kids view the factory. It is full of buttons and gases and tubes and all sorts of machines that take one thing and turn it into another. It is a place that changes you. It is energizing and exciting and just a little quizzical with a side of anxiety thrown in. Hospitals show us our insides and peel off our outsides and take us apart and fuse us back together. They are magical. They take our children and wheel them away while we wonder what will happen to them.
Her surgeon is probably 70 years old but he is completely versed in all the gadgets and machines and he lives on the edge of the new world. He obviously enjoys learning and creating and seeing...He obviously loves change. Medicine changes constantly, and so does he. In the end though the magic of medicine can only occur between doctor and patient. Just like at the end of the movie, the moment of magic could only occur between Charlie and Mr. Wonka. Grandpa couldn't think "for" Charlie regardless of how connected they were.
As I sit here wearing this bracelet, I know that the outcome of this procedure will effect me, just as these five weeks have effected our whole family, but I know that she has to find her independence. She has to find her own voice and deal with her own Wonkas. She has to do what is best for her and her her health and her lifestyle; and I think that's fine as long as she knows that I will always show up to wear her matching bracelet.
Today, however; I am sitting in a hospital waiting room once again wearing a bracelet that ties me to my baby. She is in surgery, and once again, I find myself waiting for the emergence of her tiny life back into mine.
Five weeks ago she came home complaining of pain in her side. For five weeks we have ruled out nearly every organ she has as the cause of her pain. She has had two tests on her gallbladder, two tests on her liver, a CT Scan, and a nuclear medicine test called a gastronimical emptying test that required her to eat radioactive eggs. She has been to Urgent Care, the ER, the imaging center and back again to the hospital for day surgery twice. She has been hysterical, worried, sleepless, tired, anxious and stressed.
(It is 10:00 a.m. and the nurse just texted that the patient is doing well....all while the Supreme Court is in the background ruling on ObamaCare).
The gallbladder is a tricky business. It causes pain and causes weight lose. It is literally the thorn in the side. My daughter is strong ad private and watching her struggle with vunerability has been difficult. She would love to be able to beat this thing alone. She would love to stop being jabbed with needles, touched, moved, labeled...and sadly, nobody can do this but her.
As I sit here waiting, bound to her once again through a bracelet, I am reminded of her favorite movie, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I view the hospital the same way that the kids view the factory. It is full of buttons and gases and tubes and all sorts of machines that take one thing and turn it into another. It is a place that changes you. It is energizing and exciting and just a little quizzical with a side of anxiety thrown in. Hospitals show us our insides and peel off our outsides and take us apart and fuse us back together. They are magical. They take our children and wheel them away while we wonder what will happen to them.
Her surgeon is probably 70 years old but he is completely versed in all the gadgets and machines and he lives on the edge of the new world. He obviously enjoys learning and creating and seeing...He obviously loves change. Medicine changes constantly, and so does he. In the end though the magic of medicine can only occur between doctor and patient. Just like at the end of the movie, the moment of magic could only occur between Charlie and Mr. Wonka. Grandpa couldn't think "for" Charlie regardless of how connected they were.
As I sit here wearing this bracelet, I know that the outcome of this procedure will effect me, just as these five weeks have effected our whole family, but I know that she has to find her independence. She has to find her own voice and deal with her own Wonkas. She has to do what is best for her and her her health and her lifestyle; and I think that's fine as long as she knows that I will always show up to wear her matching bracelet.
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