We had been in beautiful downtown Newton for May fest and after facing the Bible beaters who pandered only to children, I was done. We were not capable of walking around the square because a group was handing out suckers that said, "Don't be a sucker for Satan." Granted, if you were under 10 you probably read it as Santa..but still. That's another blog entirely. So we were making our way around the petting zoo to escape town when a fellow stopped in front of us. He just wanted a minute of our time. He had seen us around and lived next door to a friend of ours, and he just wanted to give us his card and tell us where his church was. Let me try to make this as short and sweet as possible. I didn't raise my voice. I didn't tell him he was wrong. I merely stated some facts as I know them...which fell on deaf ears. So, let me try again, in this venue. ( I will elaborate here. and get really personal)
If you don't know your neighbors name....you're the problem, not their religious beliefs or set of non-beliefs. Your g-d would know my name. He doesn't refer to me as "that lady with all the kids". If you don't introduce yourself then it's not personal.
When you start each sentence with, "I don't know you or care what you believe..", you have already made your point. There is no reason to continue. You have said EVERYTHING I need to hear in that sentence.
Your church makes it a habit of saying "We're right and look at those poor souls on the outside." Sometimes the poorest souls are on the inside. Teaching that you are right because you showed up to sit on a pew...? No, there is no such thing as right. There is only opportunity for growth.
When I tell you that I expect the church to be a place of intellectual conversation and you look at me funny, I got all the info on you that I need. If you can't have a discussion about your community in the Sunday school room, then you're not serving your community. If you can't talk about clean air or clean water...how are you saving souls if people are living in poverty? For too long science and education have been parked at the door of the church. Reason and logic have been left out of the church. Jesus was reasonable. Jesus was logical. Embracing science as a part of religion needs to start happening if you're going to keep kids interested, because keeping them away from facts in order to add their soul to your roster isn't honest nor will it be validated when it's time for your judgement. When your kids ask you how something works and you say"It's not for us to know.." Just wait. One day they will tell you how it works because they asked somebody intelligent. How about you be that intelligent someone and google it for them. They may respect you more. The "we don't question" portion of this program was closed the day that man went to the moon. Why don't you join the rest of us who don't keep G-d locked in a box or a book.
You want to quote a verse,but you don't know the context and history. If you've never opened a book to understand the politics of the region or you've never watched a King James documentary...how about stop quoting stuff that you don't fully know the impact of. There are plenty of verses to discount the one you just threw out. It's called contradictions based on region and politics, as well as passage of time. It happens all the time in the Bible. It's because the Bible was written by many people from different perspectives. ....you don't get that either, never mind.
You act as if you might incite violence and yelling when told I disagree with you.
Ask me if I've read the Bible one. more. time. I dare you.
WHAT WE DO:
We, as a family, do not get our "community" from a church. We get our community from the community. The people we live next door to, the people we see on the street, they are our community. We get our community from the baseball field and the school playground. We do not need to go to church for the free meals or free child care or free movie nights or free vacations. We aren't those types. And if that is your selling point: then sorry.
When I tell you that I have grown up in church and spent 15 years there willingly...you best not discount that. Just because I don't go to your church doesn't mean I am a heathen. Maybe it just means I've heard about your church and it scares me. Maybe it means that you don't live a lifestyle that I respect and don't want to be with you in your segregated heaven. Maybe I just don't want to drive that far. I don't drive.
We raise our kids to believe that love is an action not an attitude. If you cannot be there with me in my darkest hour, then please do not hug me at church and tell me how valuable I am. As a friend, which you are called to be first, you need to know names, needs, and whereabouts.
We respect people When someone tells you they are an atheist that is not an invitation to convert them or argue with them. We respect the years they have spent educating themselves and drawing their own conclusions. When someone tells you that they are Hindu it is not an invitation to introduce them to Jesus. We respect that the Gita came before the Bible and that they are capable adults who have a culture and can choose their own religion.
Dear street preacher who only has my best interest in mind,
Carrying bitterness in your heart for people who don't live like you is a great way to get those church doors to close. Good job, dude...oh, and your kids....I will be able to hear the rebellion from here. I look forward to the fireworks. The phrase you reap what you sow...you are sowing some serious trouble where those kids are concerned. Keep denying them community, friendship and sports and girlfriends. And that is why I was chosen by you that day. I have daughters. Sucks to be you, dude. You aren't getting my daughters.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Normal is Just a Word (a really bad one)
When you become a parent it doesn't matter how many books you read or how many family members give you advice, your child just doesn't listen. When you explain to 2 week old baby that they are supposed to sleep at least 4 hours a night, they laugh and remind you that you aren't in charge any more. When you expect them to walk at 12 months but they stand up and run at 10, you do start to question who writes these books and if they ever had kids. Parenting and book learning are so very different. Granted, it is nice to have a guide, but when baby doesn't sleep through the night until 6 months you have to wonder if you're doing anything right. It's hard.
And because it's hard some parents take the bull by the horns and make declarations of , "baby will do this!" or " baby won't do that!" Some parents want control. I completely understand rules and needs and schedules, but what if you just relaxed and let baby grow up to be what baby needs to be? So what the little tot wants to sleep all day? It's Sunday. I want to sleep all day too. I have learned a great lesson from my children. I have learned to let go.
Normal and conventional are words. They are words that I deem "bad". They are words other parents use when they are trying to lay a guilt trip on you. These aren't words that kids know much less respect.
I am now in a position where, sure the kids run the house: between baseball, internships, band practice, theatre auditions, college visits, vacations that I have to pay for but can't go on, and school meetings; all my ME time has become THEIR time. And I have grown so much because of it.
Because of these kids I get to go places I never would have. I get to meet people that I would have normally passed by. I get new thoughts, new questions, new attitudes constantly. All thrown at me by people who aren't half my age yet. My children are allowed to date people that I certainly never would have been allowed to date. They are allowed to go places I was never allowed to go. They have even lived in neighborhoods I was never allowed to visit. It's called evolving.
Rules are nice, but so is living. I have changed my mind many times over the past 16 years because of what my children have exposed me to. Rather than tell them How they need to be or What they need to be I have decided to just let them be. My yard is full of flowers and trees. My house is full of movies and games. There are swords inside and out and Barbie dolls without shoes. There is no such thing as proper and right in this house. Whomever they grow up to be, I believe nature outweighs nurture. They are allowed to be honest about who they are.
There is only the one question,in this house: "Where are we going today." I guess the answer to that question will determine who we all are tomorrow. We're still evolving. And I couldn't be happier about that.
And because it's hard some parents take the bull by the horns and make declarations of , "baby will do this!" or " baby won't do that!" Some parents want control. I completely understand rules and needs and schedules, but what if you just relaxed and let baby grow up to be what baby needs to be? So what the little tot wants to sleep all day? It's Sunday. I want to sleep all day too. I have learned a great lesson from my children. I have learned to let go.
Normal and conventional are words. They are words that I deem "bad". They are words other parents use when they are trying to lay a guilt trip on you. These aren't words that kids know much less respect.
I am now in a position where, sure the kids run the house: between baseball, internships, band practice, theatre auditions, college visits, vacations that I have to pay for but can't go on, and school meetings; all my ME time has become THEIR time. And I have grown so much because of it.
Because of these kids I get to go places I never would have. I get to meet people that I would have normally passed by. I get new thoughts, new questions, new attitudes constantly. All thrown at me by people who aren't half my age yet. My children are allowed to date people that I certainly never would have been allowed to date. They are allowed to go places I was never allowed to go. They have even lived in neighborhoods I was never allowed to visit. It's called evolving.
Rules are nice, but so is living. I have changed my mind many times over the past 16 years because of what my children have exposed me to. Rather than tell them How they need to be or What they need to be I have decided to just let them be. My yard is full of flowers and trees. My house is full of movies and games. There are swords inside and out and Barbie dolls without shoes. There is no such thing as proper and right in this house. Whomever they grow up to be, I believe nature outweighs nurture. They are allowed to be honest about who they are.
There is only the one question,in this house: "Where are we going today." I guess the answer to that question will determine who we all are tomorrow. We're still evolving. And I couldn't be happier about that.
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Pretty and Smart
I used to cry myself to sleep at night, telling myself that I wasn't dumb. I would lay awake and try to figure out how people rationalized that I was stupid. I was painfully shy, genuinely awkward, and had no social skills. I couldn't carry on a conversation, and still can't (that's why I write and am drawn like a moth to social media, because I can have a thought and time to process it); but stupid always seemed harsh. I could, and still can, write a paper on any subject, and I could and still can appreciate textbooks. The talking part was where I failed. And let's face it, no matter what I say people always assume that I am in a bad mood. My father, a man, was the person whom I most mimicked because I saw him give many speeches and sermons in my life. He was my role model for public speaking. When men become passionate about speaking women get turned on; but when women become passionate about speaking....people turn on you.
I got used to being "ugly". I can remember the first time a boy called me ugly. I remember him and no, we're not friends on Facebook. I was in Kindergarten. Ugly was something I understood. I looked different. As I grew up I realized ugly was in the eye of the beholder, but I knew I would never be what the world called pretty so I aimed for somewhere between normal and invisible. I stopped wearing makeup when I turned 30. Okay, except for Mary Kay's Black Cherry lip color. I sleep in it. If you ever have to run from a burning building in the middle of the night: Mary Kay lip color.
I went to college right after high school. I then returned quite a few times. I do have a degree, but some days I just want to barge into that college and demand ALL the degrees that I have earned. I should have been more thoughtful about graduation, but I wasn't in college for the degrees. I went back to college over and over again because I loved the knowledge. I loved the youth movement, I loved seeing the world differently each time I returned. I dream about being a full time student, but some days, some days I just really want all those degrees to hold in people's faces and say, "See! I am not stupid!" I realize that many kids graduate with a four or six year degree and they still don't understand supply and demand, evolution, or the difference between civil and civics. I completely understand that a degree isn't worth the paper it's written on...what matters is what you've retained, and how college has shaped you.
So what did I learn from college? I learned that yes, I am dumb. As I look at the people that I love, I realize I am on the losing end, and this time it is okay. Lilli, sometime last week, was going on about genetics. Now, I understand the basics, but Lil was going on and on. I had to take a deep breath and assume that looking-at-the-floor position so she wouldn't see the deer-in-the-headlights look on my face. I was impressed with her, but I couldn't hold up my end of the conversation. And that's okay.
I now have a lot of people in my life who are just plain smarter than me. By your 40's you should be pretty much done with growing and changing, right? Well, not in this house. I am a very different person today than I was a year ago...because I am dumb enough to surround myself with people who sometimes have to repeat things for me, but I like it. I don't want to be at the top of that sort of evolutionary link, I enjoy being bombarded each day with facts that I have to research and ideas that I have to think about. I never want to be "the smart one" in my little group. I want and hope you will always challenge yourself to find people that know things that you don't know, have been places you've never been, and want things that you can't imagine.
I no longer cry because I'm stupid, okay, I rarely cry anymore at all, but I no longer feel bad about myself. I know what I am: a constant student, a thirsty learner. And for people who tell me that I can't possibly know the answers to EVERYTHING...yes, yes I can. It will just take a little longer. Come back next year and you'll see a different me.
I got used to being "ugly". I can remember the first time a boy called me ugly. I remember him and no, we're not friends on Facebook. I was in Kindergarten. Ugly was something I understood. I looked different. As I grew up I realized ugly was in the eye of the beholder, but I knew I would never be what the world called pretty so I aimed for somewhere between normal and invisible. I stopped wearing makeup when I turned 30. Okay, except for Mary Kay's Black Cherry lip color. I sleep in it. If you ever have to run from a burning building in the middle of the night: Mary Kay lip color.
I went to college right after high school. I then returned quite a few times. I do have a degree, but some days I just want to barge into that college and demand ALL the degrees that I have earned. I should have been more thoughtful about graduation, but I wasn't in college for the degrees. I went back to college over and over again because I loved the knowledge. I loved the youth movement, I loved seeing the world differently each time I returned. I dream about being a full time student, but some days, some days I just really want all those degrees to hold in people's faces and say, "See! I am not stupid!" I realize that many kids graduate with a four or six year degree and they still don't understand supply and demand, evolution, or the difference between civil and civics. I completely understand that a degree isn't worth the paper it's written on...what matters is what you've retained, and how college has shaped you.
So what did I learn from college? I learned that yes, I am dumb. As I look at the people that I love, I realize I am on the losing end, and this time it is okay. Lilli, sometime last week, was going on about genetics. Now, I understand the basics, but Lil was going on and on. I had to take a deep breath and assume that looking-at-the-floor position so she wouldn't see the deer-in-the-headlights look on my face. I was impressed with her, but I couldn't hold up my end of the conversation. And that's okay.
I now have a lot of people in my life who are just plain smarter than me. By your 40's you should be pretty much done with growing and changing, right? Well, not in this house. I am a very different person today than I was a year ago...because I am dumb enough to surround myself with people who sometimes have to repeat things for me, but I like it. I don't want to be at the top of that sort of evolutionary link, I enjoy being bombarded each day with facts that I have to research and ideas that I have to think about. I never want to be "the smart one" in my little group. I want and hope you will always challenge yourself to find people that know things that you don't know, have been places you've never been, and want things that you can't imagine.
I no longer cry because I'm stupid, okay, I rarely cry anymore at all, but I no longer feel bad about myself. I know what I am: a constant student, a thirsty learner. And for people who tell me that I can't possibly know the answers to EVERYTHING...yes, yes I can. It will just take a little longer. Come back next year and you'll see a different me.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Is it Sexy to Bang your Head Against the Keyboard?
Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
~Lambert/Potter
Anytime you teach your children to hate a group of people based on their color, their dialect, their sexuality or their religion, you become a card carrying member of Bigots for Jesus. Do you need a membership card?
Jesus was born in the Middle East. He spoke Hebrew, Aramaic, and probably Greek...but I bet Jesus spoke Latin too. He seems the type that would know a little bit. English was not his second language. He didn't know America even existed.
The Bible says something about loving your neighbor...but you need to love your neighbor as G-d loves you. This means you cannot pick and choose which verses of the Bible you use to attack people. It means simply that you DON'T attack people. You have no power in G-d to say, "I love you, but....." I love you, but you may not have basic human rights of water, food, health care, love, marriage, childhood....I love you, but I am better than you. G-d loves me more and you will only burn in hell; therefore I don't have to care for you. I can love you, but from a distance.
If you grow up in my house or you expect to ever break bread with me then be prepared. I will tolerate the "I don't like that behavior" attitude. I will not tolerate the "They are a separate race" attitude. I will not tolerate the "I sin, but their sin is worse than mine." attitude.
PICK UP THE STONE.THROW IT AT YOUR HEAD. Now you know how people feel when they spend time with you.
I spent years alienating beautiful, smart, funny, loving people because I hated abortion. I hated witches. (In fairness, I never hated gays because we never had anybody come out of the closet here and so, I didn't know I was supposed to hate them too.) I hated the tree-hugging liberals. I had no heart to love anybody the way Jesus called me to because I was so hung up on trying to be virtuous and righteous and preach to people about how they lived a sinful life. I was a horrible person...but G-d loved me the most.
The Bible also says the world is flat and that you may stone people and that you shouldn't wear polyester. I tell you...that is the truth. Polyester sucks..and smells bad. If you are going to do what the Bible says ...then you have to do the WHOLE thing. Not just the verses that make you feel like you are good and are going to get rewards in heaven.
A good Christian will drive someone out of church faster than a bad atheist.
......it's your choice. You have free will. You can be a member of Bigots for Jesus or you can hang out with us tree-hugging, gay parading, Blair Witch loving liberals. Or maybe you can just be somebody who loves their Lord, does good for good's sake and loves us all....is it really a hard decision?
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
~Lambert/Potter
Anytime you teach your children to hate a group of people based on their color, their dialect, their sexuality or their religion, you become a card carrying member of Bigots for Jesus. Do you need a membership card?
Jesus was born in the Middle East. He spoke Hebrew, Aramaic, and probably Greek...but I bet Jesus spoke Latin too. He seems the type that would know a little bit. English was not his second language. He didn't know America even existed.
The Bible says something about loving your neighbor...but you need to love your neighbor as G-d loves you. This means you cannot pick and choose which verses of the Bible you use to attack people. It means simply that you DON'T attack people. You have no power in G-d to say, "I love you, but....." I love you, but you may not have basic human rights of water, food, health care, love, marriage, childhood....I love you, but I am better than you. G-d loves me more and you will only burn in hell; therefore I don't have to care for you. I can love you, but from a distance.
If you grow up in my house or you expect to ever break bread with me then be prepared. I will tolerate the "I don't like that behavior" attitude. I will not tolerate the "They are a separate race" attitude. I will not tolerate the "I sin, but their sin is worse than mine." attitude.
PICK UP THE STONE.THROW IT AT YOUR HEAD. Now you know how people feel when they spend time with you.
I spent years alienating beautiful, smart, funny, loving people because I hated abortion. I hated witches. (In fairness, I never hated gays because we never had anybody come out of the closet here and so, I didn't know I was supposed to hate them too.) I hated the tree-hugging liberals. I had no heart to love anybody the way Jesus called me to because I was so hung up on trying to be virtuous and righteous and preach to people about how they lived a sinful life. I was a horrible person...but G-d loved me the most.
The Bible also says the world is flat and that you may stone people and that you shouldn't wear polyester. I tell you...that is the truth. Polyester sucks..and smells bad. If you are going to do what the Bible says ...then you have to do the WHOLE thing. Not just the verses that make you feel like you are good and are going to get rewards in heaven.
A good Christian will drive someone out of church faster than a bad atheist.
......it's your choice. You have free will. You can be a member of Bigots for Jesus or you can hang out with us tree-hugging, gay parading, Blair Witch loving liberals. Or maybe you can just be somebody who loves their Lord, does good for good's sake and loves us all....is it really a hard decision?
Monday, April 16, 2012
Adam and Eve, stupid Damon Lindelof and Me, as Cain the American
"Lost" was a good show. It featured a lot of science stuff and references to historical figures that kids today know nothing of. Lindelof has admitted he didn't have a clue what he was doing...Twitter never lies. He strung us along promising this show was not about death or forgiveness and that it was going to be "real". As "real" as he could make it. Lindelof, as cute as he is, sucks. The last season of "Lost" sucked. They were dead. He lied. I would totes still date him, but people lie.
I wanted "Lost" to be real, to focus on the science and the history, but it wasn't. I wanted to see that moment of quantum physics explained to middle America; it wasn't. I fear for people who must take their beloved Genesis literally, without explanation. Believing without science or history is a dangerous thing. Most don't know when it was written, where it was written, and the stories of a desert population that it speaks of. Some old-timers even still cling to the story that Moses wrote it...anyway, it certainly doesn't tell the stories of white middle class America. It certainly doesn't speak to running water and Gucci purses. I was one of those people who grew up believing that Genesis was "true". Well, I probably would have been smacked had I even questioned it, but as we grow up and realize that there is a big world out there, we have to question lots of things. But even as a literalist, I always wanted to back people into a corner over Genesis chapter 4.
Cain was thrown out of Eden. So whilst incest ensued to create this great and "chosen" (how I hate that word) people, (? was there another version I missed?) Cain was pushed out into another world. A teeming bright working world. A world of book clubs and science experiments and large marble idols...oh, that was The Others on "Lost" wasn't it? If you remember, I think Cain is the father of Tubal Cain, the man who invents iron working....what can you glean from this? That the world was there. Perhaps G-d did bring Adam and Eve into the story, but if you are a literalist, then you need to take a deep breath and understand that life was being lived outside of Eden. For how long...well, long enough that these people were on the brink of inventing iron working. So, the Bronze age had passed and we are looking at 1200b.c. ~If you're a literalist. Do the math.
Sometimes when we live in a world without Internet or ABC Nightly News, we fail to notice that the Others are even there, much less thriving in nice brick homes with running water and driving automobiles. We are still in the forest trying to get Charlie to learn the difference between a Phillips head screwdriver and a bamboo pole. We are suffering, they have medicine. We are in the dark, clinging to each other during a fierce storm while they have fallout shelters and pancakes. The other side of the story will always be different, but to exclude the other story...to deny that there were Others and deny the life they were living...well, not very literal of you. There will always be excuses. I don't care what Cain did to get thrown out of Eden. The POINT to me is that he had somewhere to go....and just like John Locke, the Others, the hostiles; with all their technology, took him in. I like the nuances of the Cain story.
When the stranger arrives at your door, marked and in need, not speaking your language and not prepared to live in your world; whatever will you do? What if he asks to marry your daughter and teach your children some bizarre language and wants to worships a "Real" G-d that you cannot see? Will you call him crazy? Will you see him as a threat? What if it was you?
What if I was sinful and marked? What if I don't fit in? What if I constantly have to fend off people pushing their religion down my throat when I am doing EXACTLY what I need to be doing? What if I am surrounded by people that speak nonsense and look at me strangely?
I am Cain... I don't care. I will continue to do what I need to do, with the situation I am in, and know that I have already paid my dues. You cannot keep flogging someone whom G-d has already dealt with just to make yourself feel like a mightier person....that's not living literally. Seth may have been given to Eve, but Cain was the father of hard work, thought-provoking innovation, and mixed family. Seems like Cain may actually be an American after all. Strange thing is, that now we have scholars stating that Cain was the son of the serpent... geez, petty much? Well, get behind me, Satan, cause I really am not feeling the love right now. When people have been disconnected from their family, their livelihood, their G-d.....how do you react? Like they deserved it? Nice. Who's the serpent again?
We all have stories, and whether you were pushed out of the church or left willingly, we are all marked. And if you are struggling, then : Hi, my name is Cain. I am sinful but not lost, and my story isn't about death.
I wanted "Lost" to be real, to focus on the science and the history, but it wasn't. I wanted to see that moment of quantum physics explained to middle America; it wasn't. I fear for people who must take their beloved Genesis literally, without explanation. Believing without science or history is a dangerous thing. Most don't know when it was written, where it was written, and the stories of a desert population that it speaks of. Some old-timers even still cling to the story that Moses wrote it...anyway, it certainly doesn't tell the stories of white middle class America. It certainly doesn't speak to running water and Gucci purses. I was one of those people who grew up believing that Genesis was "true". Well, I probably would have been smacked had I even questioned it, but as we grow up and realize that there is a big world out there, we have to question lots of things. But even as a literalist, I always wanted to back people into a corner over Genesis chapter 4.
Cain was thrown out of Eden. So whilst incest ensued to create this great and "chosen" (how I hate that word) people, (? was there another version I missed?) Cain was pushed out into another world. A teeming bright working world. A world of book clubs and science experiments and large marble idols...oh, that was The Others on "Lost" wasn't it? If you remember, I think Cain is the father of Tubal Cain, the man who invents iron working....what can you glean from this? That the world was there. Perhaps G-d did bring Adam and Eve into the story, but if you are a literalist, then you need to take a deep breath and understand that life was being lived outside of Eden. For how long...well, long enough that these people were on the brink of inventing iron working. So, the Bronze age had passed and we are looking at 1200b.c. ~If you're a literalist. Do the math.
Sometimes when we live in a world without Internet or ABC Nightly News, we fail to notice that the Others are even there, much less thriving in nice brick homes with running water and driving automobiles. We are still in the forest trying to get Charlie to learn the difference between a Phillips head screwdriver and a bamboo pole. We are suffering, they have medicine. We are in the dark, clinging to each other during a fierce storm while they have fallout shelters and pancakes. The other side of the story will always be different, but to exclude the other story...to deny that there were Others and deny the life they were living...well, not very literal of you. There will always be excuses. I don't care what Cain did to get thrown out of Eden. The POINT to me is that he had somewhere to go....and just like John Locke, the Others, the hostiles; with all their technology, took him in. I like the nuances of the Cain story.
When the stranger arrives at your door, marked and in need, not speaking your language and not prepared to live in your world; whatever will you do? What if he asks to marry your daughter and teach your children some bizarre language and wants to worships a "Real" G-d that you cannot see? Will you call him crazy? Will you see him as a threat? What if it was you?
What if I was sinful and marked? What if I don't fit in? What if I constantly have to fend off people pushing their religion down my throat when I am doing EXACTLY what I need to be doing? What if I am surrounded by people that speak nonsense and look at me strangely?
I am Cain... I don't care. I will continue to do what I need to do, with the situation I am in, and know that I have already paid my dues. You cannot keep flogging someone whom G-d has already dealt with just to make yourself feel like a mightier person....that's not living literally. Seth may have been given to Eve, but Cain was the father of hard work, thought-provoking innovation, and mixed family. Seems like Cain may actually be an American after all. Strange thing is, that now we have scholars stating that Cain was the son of the serpent... geez, petty much? Well, get behind me, Satan, cause I really am not feeling the love right now. When people have been disconnected from their family, their livelihood, their G-d.....how do you react? Like they deserved it? Nice. Who's the serpent again?
We all have stories, and whether you were pushed out of the church or left willingly, we are all marked. And if you are struggling, then : Hi, my name is Cain. I am sinful but not lost, and my story isn't about death.
Monday, April 2, 2012
2 Weeks and Grocery Money
This week I was able to meet author and activist Lynne Cherry. She was in Hickory in support of the "Little Read" program. Ms. Cherry had spent the week reading her books on conservation and ecology to 2nd graders throughout Catawba County. There were many things that she said that struck a nerve in me. After some time to digest many of her ideas I was reminded of my friend Kristi A. Kristi and her family gave up something very precious for the Lenten season. They gave up grocery shopping. That's right ~ they gave up buying food. They were able to get milk and eggs and some refrigerated items,but Kristi and her family decided to eat what they had in the pantry. If this sounds "easy" to you, please think about NOT going to the store this week and buying macaroni just because that's what kid number three lives off of. You might also be surprised as to what you have hidden in your pantry that you really don't even like to eat. The idea that we should eat what we already have is not, in my opinion, an American concept. We are consumers, and if ice cream is on sale then we need to get it now because it won't be on sale again for what...3 weeks? (the horror.). In a land of consumption, we are taught to FEAR that the item that we love may run out! We buy into the marketing, we buy into the consumption, we buy, we buy, we buy.
Albert gets paid on Thursday. On Thursday, I will not be driving to the grocery to spend my regular $140.00 on groceries for the week. We have made a deal in this family: For the next 2 weeks we will use what we have. If we run out of something or need something for dinner then we will walk to the grocery and buy what we need. Now, you all know that we walk to get milk, bread and such each week. Walking to the store is not the point. If it should rain, sleet, or snow, then Albert will pick it up on his way home from work. The point being no excess food in the house and no excess driving to get food.
We live in an area where we walk the kids to their bowling league on Saturdays. We walk to the park. We walk to the library and the theatre and the movies. We carry cloth bags to the store and yes we recycle. Are we tree-huggers? No, we are just people who have kids that need to continue to live in this world without being of this world. I hope that at the end of these 2 weeks that we will find that we have a little more money and maybe the trend will continue. I hope to update this in 2 weeks...I also hope I know what I am doing. :)
Albert gets paid on Thursday. On Thursday, I will not be driving to the grocery to spend my regular $140.00 on groceries for the week. We have made a deal in this family: For the next 2 weeks we will use what we have. If we run out of something or need something for dinner then we will walk to the grocery and buy what we need. Now, you all know that we walk to get milk, bread and such each week. Walking to the store is not the point. If it should rain, sleet, or snow, then Albert will pick it up on his way home from work. The point being no excess food in the house and no excess driving to get food.
We live in an area where we walk the kids to their bowling league on Saturdays. We walk to the park. We walk to the library and the theatre and the movies. We carry cloth bags to the store and yes we recycle. Are we tree-huggers? No, we are just people who have kids that need to continue to live in this world without being of this world. I hope that at the end of these 2 weeks that we will find that we have a little more money and maybe the trend will continue. I hope to update this in 2 weeks...I also hope I know what I am doing. :)
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Debbie-Downer
As parents there aren't enough love letters that we can leave behind for our children. Each day gives us the opportunity to plant a tree for them, write a song for them, or just tell them the truth. Our children aren't always seen by the world the same way we see them. Sometimes we see our kids as bullies and troublemakers, but their teachers swear they are joys!. Sometimes we see simple, big-hearted kids where other kids see a big intimidating smart-mouth. We may never reconcile our view with the world view of our children, but even when they fail...even when they do something so stupid that it leaves you wondering how you will ever forgive them, please remember that at some point in the past you were wholeheartedly in love with this child. You saw potential and spirit and love. You saw yourself and you saw G-d. That person is still there somewhere. That baby, your baby still deserves love. You cannot and should not ever re-write history. Hold the loveliness of that baby in your heart and love that child for that moment in time. Reconcile when you can....but you can't write off the feelings and love letters that are scattered all over your house and your yard. Even when you cannot reconcile, you owe it to yourself and your soul to remember the good times, the good parts.
And when the day comes that I have to hang my head as a parent and say "what was my child thinking?", I hope that I can see the difference between a bad person and a bad mistake and I hope that I am mature enough, and patient enough, not with them, but with myself, that I might treat myself kindly and not let the world beat me up. I hope that I am mature enough to ask questions and hear all sides rather than just get angry and make things worse.
Are there fences that cannot be mended? Sure. Are some grown children best left to their own devices? Sure. Should you ever pretend that years of love and sacrifice and smiles and high-fives never existed? No. Sometimes we may have to love at a distance...whether it's through miles or through years, but I think that I would rather live in the past with a child that I adore than live in the present denying that I ever had a relationship.
I don't know how other parents cope when their kids fail. I just hope, I ache with hope, that I will be a real person and not a "mommy" about things. But I know that as I sit here and look at their baby pictures that I am so in love with the little people that I knew and I am in agony that I have to watch them grow up at all.
The world sucks and people are mean...or reverse that, the world is mean and people suck. All I know is that I am tired of being part of the problem. I don't know what people mean when they say, "Set your child up for success." How do I do that when the world is full of people looking to hate anything good? Kids should be allowed to be kids. And we should be "allowed" to love them through their childhood without constantly looking over our shoulders for the bad guys knowing that so many people are looking back at us.
And when the day comes that I have to hang my head as a parent and say "what was my child thinking?", I hope that I can see the difference between a bad person and a bad mistake and I hope that I am mature enough, and patient enough, not with them, but with myself, that I might treat myself kindly and not let the world beat me up. I hope that I am mature enough to ask questions and hear all sides rather than just get angry and make things worse.
Are there fences that cannot be mended? Sure. Are some grown children best left to their own devices? Sure. Should you ever pretend that years of love and sacrifice and smiles and high-fives never existed? No. Sometimes we may have to love at a distance...whether it's through miles or through years, but I think that I would rather live in the past with a child that I adore than live in the present denying that I ever had a relationship.
I don't know how other parents cope when their kids fail. I just hope, I ache with hope, that I will be a real person and not a "mommy" about things. But I know that as I sit here and look at their baby pictures that I am so in love with the little people that I knew and I am in agony that I have to watch them grow up at all.
The world sucks and people are mean...or reverse that, the world is mean and people suck. All I know is that I am tired of being part of the problem. I don't know what people mean when they say, "Set your child up for success." How do I do that when the world is full of people looking to hate anything good? Kids should be allowed to be kids. And we should be "allowed" to love them through their childhood without constantly looking over our shoulders for the bad guys knowing that so many people are looking back at us.
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