Is it Sexy to Bang your Head Against the Keyboard?

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
   ~Lambert/Potter

  Anytime you teach your children to hate a group of people based on their color, their dialect, their sexuality or their religion, you become a card carrying member of Bigots for Jesus. Do you need a membership card?

Jesus was born in the Middle East. He spoke Hebrew, Aramaic, and probably Greek...but I bet Jesus spoke Latin too. He seems the type that would know a little bit. English was not his second language. He didn't know America even existed.

The Bible says something about loving your neighbor...but you need to love your neighbor as G-d loves you. This means you cannot pick and choose which verses of the Bible you use to attack people. It means simply that you DON'T attack people. You have no power in G-d to say, "I love you, but....." I love you, but you may not have basic human rights of water, food, health care, love, marriage, childhood....I love you, but I am better than you. G-d loves me more and you will only burn in hell; therefore I don't have to care for you. I can love you, but from a distance.

If you grow up in my house or you expect to ever break bread with me then be prepared. I will tolerate the "I don't like that behavior" attitude. I will not tolerate the "They are a separate race" attitude. I will not tolerate the "I sin, but their sin is worse than mine." attitude.

PICK UP THE STONE.THROW IT AT YOUR HEAD. Now you know how people feel when they spend time with  you.

I spent years alienating beautiful, smart, funny, loving people because I hated abortion. I hated witches. (In fairness, I never hated gays because we never had anybody come out of the closet here and so, I didn't know I was supposed to hate them too.) I hated the tree-hugging liberals. I had no heart to love anybody the way Jesus called me to because I was so hung up on trying to be virtuous and righteous and preach to people about how they lived a sinful life. I was a horrible person...but G-d loved me the most.
 
The Bible also says the world is flat and that you may stone people and that you shouldn't wear polyester. I tell you...that is the truth. Polyester sucks..and smells bad.  If you are going to do what the Bible says ...then you have to do the WHOLE thing. Not just the verses that make you feel like you are good and are going to get rewards in heaven.

A good Christian will drive someone out of church faster than a bad atheist.

......it's your choice. You have free will. You can be a member of Bigots for Jesus or you can hang out with us tree-hugging, gay parading, Blair Witch loving liberals. Or maybe you can just be somebody who loves their Lord, does good for good's sake and loves us all....is it really a hard decision?

Adam and Eve, stupid Damon Lindelof and Me, as Cain the American

   "Lost" was a good show. It featured a lot of science stuff and references to historical figures that kids today know nothing of. Lindelof has admitted he didn't have a clue what he was doing...Twitter never lies.  He strung us along promising this show was not about death or forgiveness and that it was going to be "real". As "real" as he could make it. Lindelof, as cute as he is, sucks. The last season of "Lost" sucked. They were dead. He lied. I would totes still date him, but people lie.
    I wanted "Lost" to be real, to focus on the science and the history, but it wasn't. I wanted to see that moment of quantum physics explained to middle America; it wasn't. I fear for people who must take their beloved  Genesis literally, without explanation. Believing  without science or history is a dangerous thing. Most don't know when it was  written, where it was written, and the stories of a desert population that it speaks of. Some old-timers even still cling to the story that Moses wrote it...anyway, it certainly doesn't tell the stories of white middle class America. It certainly doesn't speak to running water and Gucci purses. I was one of those people who grew up believing that Genesis was "true". Well, I probably would have been smacked had I even questioned it, but as we  grow up and realize that there is a big world out there, we have to question lots of things. But even as a literalist, I always wanted to back people into a corner over Genesis  chapter 4. 
     Cain was thrown out of Eden. So whilst incest ensued to create this great and "chosen" (how I hate that word) people, (? was there another version I missed?) Cain was pushed out into another world.  A teeming bright working world. A world of book clubs and science experiments and large marble idols...oh, that was The Others on "Lost" wasn't it? If you remember, I think Cain is the father of Tubal Cain, the man who invents iron working....what can you glean from this? That the world was there. Perhaps G-d did  bring Adam and Eve into the story, but if you are a literalist, then you need to take a deep breath and understand that life was being lived outside of Eden. For how long...well, long enough that these people were on the brink of inventing iron  working. So, the Bronze age had passed and we are looking at 1200b.c. ~If you're a literalist. Do the math.

     Sometimes when we live in a world without Internet or ABC Nightly News, we fail to notice that the Others are even there, much less thriving in nice brick homes with running water and driving automobiles. We are still in the forest  trying to get Charlie to learn the difference between a Phillips head screwdriver and a bamboo pole. We are suffering, they have medicine. We are in the dark, clinging to each other  during a fierce storm while they have fallout shelters and pancakes. The other side of the story will always be different, but to exclude the other story...to deny that there were Others and deny the life they were living...well, not very literal of you. There will always be excuses.  I don't care what Cain did to get thrown out of Eden. The POINT to me  is that he had somewhere to go....and just like John Locke, the Others, the hostiles; with all their technology,  took him in.  I like  the nuances of the Cain story.
         
    When the stranger arrives at your door, marked and in need, not speaking your language and not prepared to live in your world; whatever will you do?  What if he asks to marry your daughter and teach your children some bizarre language and wants to worships a "Real" G-d that you cannot see? Will you call him crazy? Will you see him as a threat? What if it was you?
    What if I was sinful and marked? What if I don't fit in? What if I constantly have  to fend off people pushing their religion down my throat when I am doing EXACTLY what I need to be doing? What if I am surrounded by people that speak nonsense and look at me strangely?

    I am Cain... I don't care. I will continue to do what I need to do, with the situation I am in, and know that I have already paid my dues. You cannot keep flogging someone whom G-d has already dealt with just to make yourself feel like a mightier person....that's not living literally.  Seth may have been given to Eve, but Cain was the father of hard work, thought-provoking innovation, and mixed family. Seems like Cain may actually be an American after all. Strange thing is, that now we have scholars stating that Cain was the son of the serpent... geez, petty much?  Well, get behind me, Satan, cause I really am not feeling the love right now.  When people have been disconnected from their family, their livelihood, their G-d.....how do you react? Like they deserved it? Nice. Who's the serpent again?
    We all have stories, and whether you were pushed out of the church or left willingly, we are all marked. And if you are struggling, then : Hi, my name is Cain. I am sinful but not lost, and my  story isn't about death.
   
  

2 Weeks and Grocery Money

      This week I was able to meet author and activist Lynne Cherry. She was in Hickory in support of the "Little Read" program.    Ms. Cherry had spent the week reading her books on conservation and ecology to 2nd graders throughout Catawba County. There were many things that she said that struck a nerve in me. After some time to digest many of her ideas I was reminded of my friend Kristi A. Kristi and her family gave up something very precious for the Lenten season. They gave up grocery shopping. That's right ~ they gave up buying food. They were able to get milk and eggs and some refrigerated items,but  Kristi  and her family decided to eat what they had in the pantry. If this sounds "easy" to you, please think about NOT going to the store this week and buying macaroni just because that's what kid number three lives off of. You might also be surprised as to what you have hidden in your pantry that you really don't even like to eat. The idea that we should eat what we already have is not,  in my opinion, an American concept. We are consumers, and if ice cream is on sale then we need to get it now because it won't be on sale again for what...3 weeks? (the horror.). In a land of consumption, we are taught to FEAR that the item that we love may run out! We buy into the marketing, we buy into the consumption, we buy, we buy, we buy.
     Albert gets paid on Thursday. On Thursday, I will not be driving to the grocery to spend my regular $140.00 on groceries for the week. We have made a deal in this family: For the next 2 weeks we will use what we have. If we run out of something or need something for dinner then we will walk to the grocery and buy what we need. Now, you all know that we walk to get milk, bread and such each week. Walking to the store is not the point. If it should rain, sleet, or snow, then Albert will pick it up on his way home from work. The point being no excess food in the house and no excess driving to get food.
   We live in an area where we walk the kids to their bowling league on Saturdays. We walk to the park. We walk to the library and the theatre and the movies. We carry cloth bags to the store and yes we recycle. Are we tree-huggers? No, we are just people who have kids that need to continue to live in this world without being of this world. I hope that at the end of these 2 weeks that we will find that we have a little more money and maybe the trend will continue. I hope to update this in 2 weeks...I also hope I know what I  am doing. :)

Debbie-Downer

   As parents there aren't enough  love letters that we can leave behind for our children. Each day gives us the opportunity to plant a tree for them, write a song for them, or just tell them the truth. Our children aren't always seen by the world the same way we see them. Sometimes we see our kids as bullies and troublemakers, but their teachers swear they are joys!. Sometimes we see simple, big-hearted kids where other kids see a big intimidating smart-mouth. We may never reconcile our view with the world view of our children, but even when they fail...even when they do something so stupid that it leaves you wondering how you will ever forgive them, please remember that at some point in the past you were wholeheartedly in love with this child. You saw potential and spirit and love. You saw yourself and you saw G-d. That person is still there somewhere. That baby, your baby still deserves love. You cannot and should not ever re-write history. Hold the loveliness of that baby in your heart and love that child for that moment in time. Reconcile when you can....but you can't write off the feelings and love letters that are scattered all over your house and your yard. Even when you cannot reconcile, you owe it to yourself and your soul to remember the good times, the good parts.
   And when the day comes that I have to hang my head as a parent and say "what was my child thinking?", I hope that I can see the difference between a bad person and a bad mistake and I hope that I am mature enough, and patient enough, not with them, but with myself, that I might treat myself kindly and not let the world beat me up. I hope that I am mature enough to ask questions and hear all sides rather than just get angry and make things worse.
   Are there fences that cannot be mended? Sure.  Are some grown children best left to their own devices? Sure. Should you ever pretend that years of love and sacrifice and smiles and high-fives never existed? No. Sometimes we may have to love at a distance...whether it's through miles or through years, but I think that I would rather live in the past with a child that I adore than live in the present denying that I ever had a relationship.
  I don't know how other parents cope when their kids fail. I just hope, I ache with hope, that I will be a real person and not a "mommy" about things. But I know that as I sit here and look at their baby pictures that I am so in love with the little people that I knew and I am in agony that I have to watch them grow up at all.
    The world sucks and people are mean...or reverse that, the world is mean and people suck. All I know is that I am tired of being part of the problem. I don't know what people mean when they say, "Set your child up for success." How do I do that when the world is full of people looking to hate anything good?  Kids should be allowed to be kids. And we should be "allowed" to love them through their childhood without constantly looking over our shoulders for the bad guys knowing that so many people are looking back at us.
  

tread lightly

You can  determine if a person has created their own religion  by watching them create their own enemies. ~mama shey

I Hope You Like Me

   I am not good with anniversaries. I never remember my own wedding anniversary, and if my birthday were any other day but January first, I probably would forget it. Today Marsha called and said that she needed to be alone tomorrow...it took me  a second. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my father's death. I don't hold a memorial or vigil any day of the year for any thing. I think grief happens daily and in new and different ways to everyone. I, even in that moment of passing, experience a joyous and loving grief. 
    I knew my father. I knew what he said and what he meant, I know when he was wrong and when he was right. I follow the good advice and smile and roll my eyes at the bad. Not all parents are a gift. Not all parents are a blessing. I see this everyday. I see my own failures each day.
   I knew Walt...and I liked him. During one of our last fights I told him that I loved him...not words that are ever spoken in our household, but they needed to be spoken that day even in anger. I told him I loved him  but more importantly that I liked him. Walt was speechless. He didn't understand what that meant.
   In life my children sometimes you love your family and sometimes you tolerate them, but when you get to know your flesh and blood deeply and you appreciate them and learn that the truth is that you LIKE them, then you have something. The respect you hold for me as mom or the trust you have in me will never come from our shared blood, it will always come, if it comes at all, through your ability to stop looking at me as a mother and start liking me as a person. You are not "my" children. I don't own you. But I hope to spend many hours throughout your adulthood getting to now you and letting you get to know me. In doing this we open the door for joyous living, joyous sharing, and joyous  grief.
  

hips and hearts

 The truth is in youth we are physically bendable, but fragile on the inside. Eventually, things change and we become physically fragile and our hearts learn how to bend,  not break. The true test   of your adulthood will come when you worry more about breaking your hip than your heart.
The world may break you physically, but they can't touch a heart that bounces. I love you. You are going to be okay.